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Original poster

Is this what negging is?

129 replies

Intomy30s · 07/02/2025 22:03

I've been seeing a man for a few months and he made a couple of comments on Thursday which have made me raise an eyebrow and feel like 'why would you even say that'

I went to meet him after I'd been to the gym and had on my new pair of trainers. He said "what did they cost, about a score?"

I had no idea what a score was, not being a londoner, so he clarifies "£20. I thought you might have got them off Temu or something"

They are from a quality brand and cost substantially more than that. He was basically saying they look like cheap tat, right?

Later on the same day he mentioned his brother in law seeing us out together. Apparently his BIL, who seems like an idiot himself, was going on about how pale I am and asking 'doesn't she even wear any foundation'

(I do - it matches my skin colour, as its supposed to!)

Why would he feel the need to tell me that? I wouldn't dream of relaying third party criticisms about his appearance back to him.

Does this sound like negging to you?

OP posts:
Nothatgingerpirate · 08/02/2025 10:09

Ha!
I'd tell them both to fuck right off, but I'm long term married and probably significantly older than you.
Pair of wankers with issues, aw.

Berlinlover · 08/02/2025 10:09

He reminds me of an ex I had when I was too foolish to know any better. That foundation comment is bringing back bad memories. Run a mile from this idiot.

Colddayhotcuppa · 08/02/2025 10:13

Go with telling him 'we're not intellectually compatible. Some of your comments make you come across very young and naive. That's not what I want in a partner.'

He deserves some home truths.

Sparkletastic · 08/02/2025 10:15

Love a thread with an empowered woman smashing the patriarchy one useless man at a time 💪🏻

tygertygers · 08/02/2025 10:30

He sounds thick as mince and like the kind of man who would've pulled wings off flies as a kid.

Glad to hear he'll be dining alone tomorrow!

Cakeandcardio · 08/02/2025 10:36

So what if you did get trainers from Temu? That's your choice. So what if you don't wear foundation? I don't. Is pale skin not fine too?

He sounds like an absolute arsehole.

Cakeandcardio · 08/02/2025 10:37

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 07/02/2025 23:04

Not wearing foundation is a problem?

I've never worn it. I didn't realise it was something to be put down about.

Same. What a weird guy to pick up on that.

Examconfusion · 08/02/2025 11:47

Honestly you sound great and you really deserve more than this knobhead. Please get rid.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 08/02/2025 14:54

ShushImTalking · 08/02/2025 09:01

Tell him your friend said she thought he looked like a stupid arse so sadly you have to let him go.

Yes! Let him go 😂

I'm sorry Richard but your trial period is now over and I'm afraid (make pained expression without looking constipated) you didn't pass. If you want some feedback I'd be happy to provide it but otherwise, good luck for the future.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 08/02/2025 15:48

Tell him you’d never wear anything from Temu after your experience of ordering him off there shows them disparity.
When you order a George Clooney and get a Wayne Rooney….

Original poster
Intomy30s · 08/02/2025 22:27

These replies have given me such a laugh, thank you!

I told him I won't be meeting him for lunch tomorrow and he asked why. I was direct and said I didn't appreciate the comments he made the other day, that I'd reflected about the day and thought him to have been insulting and rude.

He (predictably) claimed he was only joking about my trainers and apparently he told his BIL at the time not to say things like that about me. Aye, course he did 🙄

OP posts:
PinkArt · 08/02/2025 22:51

Excellent work @Intomy30s, both the binning and the telling him why. He doesn't sound the reflective type but you never know, maybe he'll learn and won't tell the next pale woman he dates that she should wear more foundation!

Sodthesystem · 08/02/2025 22:53

Intomy30s · 08/02/2025 22:27

These replies have given me such a laugh, thank you!

I told him I won't be meeting him for lunch tomorrow and he asked why. I was direct and said I didn't appreciate the comments he made the other day, that I'd reflected about the day and thought him to have been insulting and rude.

He (predictably) claimed he was only joking about my trainers and apparently he told his BIL at the time not to say things like that about me. Aye, course he did 🙄

"Your brother isn't the issue. You repeating it to me in order to create drama is. Sorry mate, that negging bullshit doesn't fly with me. Jog on pal'.

GoldMoon · 08/02/2025 22:57

Perhaps he means you look polished !

Goodbye him.

Crushed23 · 09/02/2025 00:09

Intomy30s · 07/02/2025 22:09

Thanks for confirming my gut feeling!

There is definitely a vibe of insecurity about him whereas I'm relatively confident. It feels like he's trying to 'humble' me.

I can't be arsed with that.

Exactly, he's trying to dim your light. What a dick. Throw him back. Next!

blueshoes · 09/02/2025 00:40

Intomy30s · 08/02/2025 22:27

These replies have given me such a laugh, thank you!

I told him I won't be meeting him for lunch tomorrow and he asked why. I was direct and said I didn't appreciate the comments he made the other day, that I'd reflected about the day and thought him to have been insulting and rude.

He (predictably) claimed he was only joking about my trainers and apparently he told his BIL at the time not to say things like that about me. Aye, course he did 🙄

Well done, OP 👏

I like that you were direct and called him out on his weasley ways.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 09/02/2025 00:54

Glad you threw this one back OP! I dated a guy like this who was incredulous when I dumped him and said he had no idea why. I told him I often come away from our dates feeling a bit silly and questioning myself due to his unfunny 'jokes' about me and I didn't want that from a partner. Twat.

Lurkingandlearning · 09/02/2025 05:43

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 07/02/2025 22:04

This is what's called "being a dick"

That sums it up.

I know it’s sexist, but unless he was a makeup artist, a man critiquing my makeup would give me the ick

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/02/2025 06:21

Sodthesystem · 08/02/2025 22:53

"Your brother isn't the issue. You repeating it to me in order to create drama is. Sorry mate, that negging bullshit doesn't fly with me. Jog on pal'.

Show quote history

'But not in trainers that only cost a "score" as they wont get you to the end of the road!'

jellyfishperiwinkle · 09/02/2025 06:29

I was just coming on here to say the next thing is he'll claim that you can't take a joke or banter, but he beat me to it. Some men do talk to one another like that "What did those cost you, £20?" but I would find that sort of conversation exhausting and unpleasant. Banter can be really horrible and is often just bullying.

Sadza · 09/02/2025 06:53

What kind of man looks at a woman and asks if she’s wearing foundation? And then tells another man who uses it to criticise you and suggest you should. Total eeeww. I would be running as fast as possible away from him in my supposedly temu trainers. Insecurity is very unattractive.

WitcheryDivine · 09/02/2025 07:04

You wouldn’t know his BIL, he goes to a different school.

fingerbobz · 09/02/2025 07:11

Ah bless him, insulting your trainers

Reminds me of school days...

If that's all he's got, he's a bit simple really

TwistedWonder · 09/02/2025 09:27

jellyfishperiwinkle · 09/02/2025 06:29

I was just coming on here to say the next thing is he'll claim that you can't take a joke or banter, but he beat me to it. Some men do talk to one another like that "What did those cost you, £20?" but I would find that sort of conversation exhausting and unpleasant. Banter can be really horrible and is often just bullying.

Edited

The word banter makes me shudder. It’s usually something men say meaning they can make derogatory comments then say ‘it’s only bantaaaasaaa can’t you take a joke?’

NavyTiger · 09/02/2025 09:49

Bye Bye Dickhead