I need a sanity check. Am I being horrible/abusive?

[NavyDog]

Sanity check after a breakup. Am I a psychopath?

I was with a girl for 5 1/2 years. She has two children, I met one of the kids when they were only 3-4 months old and the other from 3 years old and I took on the role of being their dad (their Dad died). And we were a family, the kids saw me as their father. I went to parents evenings, doctors appointments, nativity plays, I loved it too. They are/were my babies.

Anyway, she split up with me over text about a week before Christmas. She also said before splitting up and after on the phone when I rang her that one time, that I would be able to see the kids. The issue is, she didn’t honour this and she’s gone fully cold turkey. She’s now out of nowhere saying I’m abusive and harassing / stalking her.

So I need a sanity check

Events:

1. I felt suicidal and rang her a couple of days after the breakup. Wrote a will, the lot.
2. Christmas and her birthday (late Jan) I got her presents, a cake and her favourite meal delivered FROM THE KIDS because I didn’t want her to have nothing. As a Mum, getting presents and cards from your kids is so so important and no matter what, it isn’t something I wanted her to experience. Even if she hated me, I wanted to do right by the kids.
3. I have emailed her 10 times in ~2 months. On one occasion in 4 quick bursts out of anger. But this is primarily me saying why can’t I see the kids? Why have you gone no contact after our previous discussions?
4. I have been paying child support for both the children (she has kept it)
5. I made an anonymous Reddit post about our relationship to get alternative points of view, because right now it’s just hate hate hate towards me, and although I’m no angel she was not faultless by any stretch. But I then sent her the link so it was other peoples opinions… not just her (likely misinformed) friends.
6. I have only gone to her house once to drop off her birthday presents but strategically did this so the kids would not see me because it may upset them.

Now, I heard from mutual friends that she has been saying I’m an abuser, I’ve been harassing her, and that she’s genuinely scared of me. I’ve never laid a finger on her. Honestly, I’d prefer to die to do so too. Her and the kids are my entire world and it is soul destroying to think that she thinks this. I’ve considered handing over a tracking link for my car and phone so she feels safe but I’ve been told reaching out may be deemed like I’m trying to manipulate her more.

I just don’t get it. I really don’t. I know my emails have perhaps been a bit much but a danger? Not one has been aggressive either. I’ve been to a lawyer and he’s written a cease and desist request and asks if I can see the kids, but now I don’t want to even do this because again it might be deemed that I’m trying to manipulate.

I am truly lost. I don’t understand why I’m being looked at like this.

Have I lost my sanity? Don’t get me wrong, I’m emotional because I miss her and the kids, and I’m hurt that I’m being perceived like this. But have I lost my sanity?

Your opinion was noted the first time, it’s yours to have 🤷‍♀️

OK, cancel your order now as you're online anyway.

They’ve already lost their biological dad when they were very small. I think it’s an awful lot more healthy to keep me around as a family friend, yes.

They’ve dealt with enough loss, a second “Dad” leaving by the time you’re 6 worries me.

However, yes, it’s up to Mum or the judge. However, I don’t think I’ll be taking the legal route.

But why throw away such a wonderful excuse for having roses turn up accidentally on purpose.

Sorry to say but I agree with this post. You need to leave her alone.

I go to a local florist. I recommend doing this over online too; the flowers tend to be a much better quality. But yeah, I’m going to have to go into the shop which will be really fun.

Did you really start the relationship when your ex was 3 months after giving birth and her previous partner/husband had died within the previous year or even more recently than that?

What game are you trying to play? Why are you being so passive aggressive?

I have specified many times I am not sending roses. I have specified many times I am going no contact. Why are you, for literally no reason, making such snarky, unconstructive and damn right unpleasant comments?

Don't be so ridiculous. There's really no florist shop these days that you can only deal with your orders in person - they will have an online presence or email. 🙄

He left her as soon as she turned pregnant. I met her initially as friends, just casual fun for both sides. He then died. I then tried to help out as much as possible and one thing led to another, I fell in love with all three of them.

Are you enjoying your power trip?

I paid through the phone, like I always do.

I was meant to say go into the shop or call*

Jesus, get the violins out.

Buying a rose for the little girl on Valentine's Day is a bit weird to say the least.

The emotional manipulation is honestly emanating from your posts, it's so clear you are trying to elicit sympathy from us and for us to tell you what a great guy you are.

Yeah… something tells me somebody wouldn’t go to MumsNet as a male if they had this agenda. But yeah, good job.

Many women leave abusive partners but don't tell them it's because of their abuse, in case they start acting unhinged and threatening suicide or sending loads of angry emails etc...

Hi, I didn’t send any angry emails.

And that’s true, however it’s a huge assumption for my situation. My main concern is the facts, not speculation, which is purely: am I being a psycho. I’ve asked three different places, and got three very different responses. However the diversity of the responses is important to me.

What else do you suggest? They say I have a good chance.

Rubbish.

As I said earlier - parental responsibility (which is all someone not related to a child can chase) will only be awarded if the biological parent wants it and advocates for it in court.

One whiff of the stunts you've been pulling, not to mention the fact you are under a MH crisis team and you've a chocolate teapots chance in hell.

Get this thought process out of your mind. Or - have at it and hand over your money to these shit solicitors (if it's even true) who are leading you to believe you have a good chance of gaining visitation rights.

Youre delusional.

Just pointing out how you're making a bit of a drama and meal out of something simple. You don't have to go into the shop woefully and withdraw your order as you initially said.

Seems to me you'd like to "accidentally" forget to cancel.

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

One of the OP's mates come over from Reddit??

Valentine’s Day is in 8 days. 8.

@NavyDog could you please reply to my previous post asking what your expectations are/were of fighting for parental visitation?

Oh so funny saggybum!

There are women on here that dont hate men, just because they are men! 😂😂😂😂😎

My friend’s colleague is a man whose hobby is to troll Mumsnet. Apparently his greatest joy in life is to wind women up and have a good chortle at the fact they respond in good faith to his posts.

He is a pretty sad little specimen, as you might expect - though he does have a wife and children, for whom I feel immense pity. Knowing he exists helps me detach when I start to get too irritated by threads like these.

There is just no end to some men’s desire to waste our time and take the piss and prove to themselves they’re better and smarter than us. I’m just not going to be the entertainment for any old random arsehole on the internet anymore.

I feel so creeped out by this thread. Yes Op it's sad when a relationship comes to an end with kids involved. The fact she broke up with you via text isn't normal when a long term relationship breaks down, there must be a reason she thought to do that. Did you live together? You're just going to have to get over it. Your actions now isn't going to change her mind.

You’re still missing the key point of the replies are based on the information that the op himself has given, not on the bases of his chromosomes.