Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I was talking about being approached in the street just yesterday! It has happened precisely twice in recent memory. Once in 2017 when I was on holiday in NYC - I didn’t fancy him but he was charm personified so I gave him my number 😅 then swiftly ignored/blocked him when he sent me a photo of the view from his apartment, essentially inviting me over. The second time was in London circa 2019 when I was walking home, and that was a little creepy tbh - purely because it was so close to where I lived. And actually it wasn’t a locking eyes situation, he just sort of chased after me down the street? At first I thought I’d dropped something 😂

Generally I am not approached though - I wear massive headphones literally all the time, and power walk everywhere at 100mph.

I say go for it though - both the approaching men you make eye contact with in the street, and hotties on dating apps. Life’s too short!

Thanks @ElleintheWoodsfeeling much better this week. 😊 Work making me cry is sadly not an unusual occurrence… Need thicker skin!

Little (or big) update…

I met Mr Rave’s parents! Not in some sort of formal introduction, he just lives with them and we were driving somewhere very early that’s easier to get to from his house. I thought we would just be saying hello and then going to his room but they had laid out the table with a charcuterie board and wine was already poured. So we sat down and talked for about an hour… it felt like an interview 😂 They’re lovely though and his relationship with them is just so… wholesome. I’m actually envious of him!

Then in the morning we drove to another state for our ski trip, which was lovely. Not only is he a shit hot skier, he was super patient with me as I was getting my confidence back after my injury 💜

The mid-afternoon beer we had at the mountain, sitting in the sun, might be one of my favourite moments of 2025. 💜 How is it possible to feel so good around someone you’re not compatible with? It’s completely bonkers.

Glad to hear it’s going well. A weekend away for Mr Tradie’s birthday is a great idea. The times Mr Rave and I have got closer have been when we’ve spent the whole weekend together, which has happened twice (including last weekend) - if feels less like ‘a date’ and more like ‘dating’.

I know exactly what you mean r.e. appreciating taking things slow. Obviously my situation is a bit different because I’m sleepwalking into a relationship that’s headed for disaster, but given you and Mr Tradie appear to be on the same page and want the same things, getting there at a slow pace is nice. What are you thinking of planning for his 40th? 👀

I’m approached quite a lot comparatively. Or rather, used to be, I think culture has changed since covid/ metoo, and it’s far less socially acceptable now. So people approach you under a pretence. But it still happens depending on where I am. Tbh I used to be very comfortable approaching.

Tho last guy I actually gave my number to ended up being super intense, even though very hot, so…

Think I have a bit of a plan for in-person approaching but it’s a bit cheeky!!

Not sure if id be brave enough to do it on the street though. I might try 👀

Hi everyone (I'm someone who comes in and out of these threads), I have a question, I met someone at a singles event and agreed to go on a date, exchanged numbers etc, would you expect to then start receiving quite a few messages daily leading up to the date? Or would you expect essentially radio silence until close to the date?

I'm feeling like with the messaging we're already in a relationship despite just briefly meeting for a few minutes and then going on a date to see how things play out.

How soon is the date?

If someone took my number with romantic intentions and then didn’t message pretty swiftly, I’d assume they are not interested.

How do you mean ‘in a relationship’ if you message? I know different people have very different expectations and timelines. But I wouldn’t assume myself in a relationship with someone unless I’ve been spending time with them and sleeping with them consistently for a number of months. I message with probably 10 people any given week, including them asking to go out, and I wouldn’t consider myself even that interested in any of them, nevermind in any way committed.

Wouldn’t you prefer to get to know someone in between in person meetings?

@Crushed23omg you met the parents?! Why do you feel like you relationship is heading for disaster? It sounds like it’s going great to me! You say you’re not compatible but you seem to be getting along very well.

Yeah now that Tradie and I are doing days out together it feels less like a ‘date’ and more like ‘dating’. I like it and hopefully a weekend away can be an extension of that. I’m just thinking of floating the idea of a weekend away for his bday next month and seeing what he says. As it’s his bday he can choose where we go. I’m sure we’d have a good time wherever we were! (Well i would, sometimes I find him hard to read but he always thanks me for a nice time so I have to take him at his word).

@ElleintheWoodsi agree that Me Too has made it harder for men to approach women. You know you’re hot so I think you should go for it! What’s the worst that can happen?

@NowStartingOveri think everyone has different communication styles and preferences. I’ve had it both ways - guys who message right up until the date and guys who don’t say anything until the day of the date. If you are finding the messaging too intense you could always just slow down your rate of replies.

Probably a miscommunication on my post, I don't consider it to be a relationship (of course not, we only met for a few minutes!), but the messaging is what I would expect more of inside a relationship (and probably early infatuation stage), not at this moment in time, between what are essentially strangers. Not really interested in giving bi-hourly updates of my life.

Let's meet, see if we're compatible and take it from there.

Do you just not really like messaging? More of a call/ in person person?

Personally I don’t mind messaging at all… I think for me, I need to date someone that’s quite an intense messenger, as there’s only so much time you can spend together in person, and I like being able to get to know people in detail in this way.

I also find messaging quite impersonal, eg I probably have 20-30 conversations going with people I know in varying degrees any given week. If it’s someone I’m close to I probably meet in person once a week/ call.

Have you had the date?

Ladies who are dating younger guys (say 5-10 years younger), what would you say the main differences or challenges are?

I’ve usually dated min 5 years older. Recently I’ve been trying to be open to dating younger and it does feel strange in some ways! Eg, they are so eager and adoring, and emotionally intelligent. Also feel like it would feel a bit like kicking a puppy, not turning out to be this great amazing perfect woman they seem to think you are!

Feel like they’re more nervous and trying to impress more?

Morning everyone! Hope your plugging along all good.

So I didn't get my second date as planned.. I had a natady tooth infection. We've tried to keep the messaging going but I'm so mindful of us becoming attached virtually and not in person so it's dwindled a bit. If he asks to meet next week I will say yes but I'm not that bothered really... Says it all I guess.

Wbated to share a funny story from the other week.. I went out drinking and dancing with friends. I met a few men in the wild as such. One much younger but attractive but wanted just a hook up... Told me I'm hard work when I wasn't bothered!! One of the others we had a good chat about lfie work ect..... Asked for my number and I gave it just to get out the situation really. Well the next day I got a text saying he 'really enjoyed our coaching session (smiley face) and if I wanted to do it again?'
Wierd!!! I gnored it... Then a week later I got a whats app.... Same kind of thing but more professional and a link to his work diary for a councelling session!!!! I'm mean wtf. So wired but also sooo unprofessional!!! He's a life coach type thing. On the prowl for vulnerable drunk women!!

So much for meeting someone in real life being better eh 😂😂😂😂

I sort of had an inclination that it was love-bombing, as the first day it was intense messaging and quite difficult as I was at work, then the next day almost silence. The behaviour seemed to match quite a lot of examples of love-bombing on the internet. I guess I experienced a whirlwind of emotions and behaviour within a 48hr period.

Had the date, which was pleasant, but wasn't any connection.

~90% of the men I’ve dated in the last 10 years have been younger. I like youthful, boyish looks and a great physique, and this is obviously more common among younger men. I also think I’m VERY immature for my age, so it doesn’t make sense to get involved with an older man when I’m already a 22 year-old trapped in a 35 year-old’s body.

There are lots of advantages to dating younger, the main one is that they’re generally more fun and positive, and less cynical and jaded. My experience of men my age or older is they spend a lot of time talking absolute shit… about themselves, and you can’t have two self-centred people in a relationship, IMO. 😂

As for challenges, the main one is different life stage, depending on how young they are. Men in their 20s are generally not open to the idea of having a baby in the next few years. If you’re not bothered about babies then this is obviously not an issue.

Good luck in your cougar era! 😎

I only met them because he lives with them… it was unavoidable. 😭

As for how I know it’s headed for disaster… female instinct 😅 But seriously, him and I both know it and have both acknowledged it - him by making me promise to keep in touch with him ‘when we mess this thing up’ (ouch lol).

We’re just in completely different life stages. Just today we were discussing how he is due to finish his Masters autumn 2027. Then he’ll be in a position to return to full-time work and move out of his parents’ house. I’ll be 38. Kinda late for moving in together and trying to get pregnant if I decide that’s what I want. So this just isn’t going to work. But we’re having fun, and the sex has evolved from ‘okay’ to incredible. 😅

Just to add…. Mr Rave never thanks me for a nice date (though I know he has a good time), Mr Tradie sounds so lovely and polite!

Interesting... Those are actually some of the things that put me off, it's weird but I always think of someone younger as someone with poor hygiene living in a messy house share, ha. Getting physically attracted to them can be challenging, they just look a bit... Messy! But then again guys can be anything any age, there's certainly many older men that look homeless.

I do agree with the 'more positive', not having had your first divorce seems to be a big game changer. I'm also not THAT serious so being with someone more fun is... refreshing.

So you were saying about the life stage wthing with your guy... How he's probably about 10 years behind you from what I gather...

How do we feel about that? For example in things like, being far more senior in your career than they are (even if they clearly have the potential to get there), or not having similar living conditions to you (e.g. you might live in a nice house by yourself, they may actually live in a slightly dodgy flat with mates, or at home with mum and dad)? I'm in 2 minds... On the one hand, yes, I'd probably do well in helping someone with lots of potential become a proper adult and mould them to be like me (that's what they seem to want to want!!) but then on the other hand, do I really want a project boyfriend? During my dating journey, it has felt nice coming to the house of a man who's got their life together, bills paid, and who cooks you dinner and runs a tidy house, that doesn't need any help or advice from you, just company.

Both have it's pros and cons but second option seems more of a shortcut to living in a compatible partnership, whereas the first one seems more of a journey, which ultimately could be quite rewarding.

My current ‘relationship’ is so different from anything I’ve experienced before that I’m sort of letting things go that would previously have been dealbreakers, since it’s all a case of ‘well this is a completely batshit situation anyway, so what does it matter’. Mr Rave…
—lives with his parents
—is a smoker
— voted for Trump
— is a (part-time) student
etc.
Maybe he could be a project boyfriend, as you put it, but I don’t think I have it in me to mould someone THAT different from me.

As it happens he’s very tidy and hygienic! The way he folds and clips the pack of coffee beans whenever he refills my coffee machine is beyond cute.

I’m watching White Lotus atm and it’s interesting how the men with much younger girlfriends are portrayed as sleazy, grumpy and deeply troubled. While the cougars getting drunk, skinny dipping with, then shagging, the hot young locals is celebrated. Great time to be a cougar in society, it seems.

Keep us posted on how it goes!

@Crushed23i mean it seems to be working now so why wouldn’t it work in future? Could he not move out whilst doing his MA? Why couldn’t he move in with you if he doesn’t have a place of his own? And you do have your eggs frozen.

Ah yes Mr Tradie has excellent manners which is something I really like about him. At the weekend I said how we’ve been dating a few months now and id like it to be an official relationship and his response was ‘isn’t that what this is?’ So I guess he is my boyfriend now!

@oldernotwiserffsSo Mr Tradie is your BOYFRIEND 😁 (we all knew he was!) We need his initials now as per the rules of the thread 😜

@Crushed23haha his initials are A.C. but I prefer ‘Mr Tradie’ myself! 😂

It's online dating or nothing, isn't it?

Nope! Fully disagree. As long as you are in situations where you talk to men in everyday life regularly, not just in a dating context.

I met someone and dated just last year, we’re in our 30s.

Previous guy also met IRL.

Yet to meet anyone to seriously date via OLD, made a couple of friends though.

Nope! I met Mr Rave at a rave in December. I approached him 😎

We were at another rave a few weeks ago and met a group of people who went to the rave we met at and when we told them “Oh, we actually met there!”, they screamed - actually screamed - “LOVE THAT” (Americans lol…).

It’s like everyone knows meeting IRL is the ideal haha.

@Crushed23 did you ever find out if it was a bot? I am convinced I have matched with a bot. He hasn't answered a number of questions and he literally sounds like chatgpt sounds. I am hyper aware so am not at risk at sending money 🙃 but I am waiting to try and prove it....and the report obviously..just curious if you ever did...

Difficult when you WFH all the time and have a social circle that don't really go out to social venues etc.

It just seems that everyone is conditioned to OLD now and it's become the default behaviour for everyone.

@DatingScared8 people do use ChatGTP to chat to women, write better responses etc! Does it reply quite quickly?

@NowStartingOver at the risk of sounding like a romantic comedy script… Do you not have any social interactions with men at all? Like, when you go to the market, get your car serviced, buy a coffee, go over to a friend’s house, any hobbies you do, any volunteering? Even though you wfh, do you work with any men?

I have never met any men in a ‘socialising’ situation, tbh I can’t even imagine meeting someone in a bar/ night out - how does it work after age 21?

I’m just quite an open person so in my day to day life I chat to people, men, women, varied ages, usually men though as they are friendlier.

The man I dated liked me IRL so he started messaging me on work chat and ‘bumping into me’. I’ve just met another lovely man through some volunteering, we went on a few dates.

Places where I’ve spoken to men last 6 months or so include sauna, coffee shop (server, quiet time), hardware shop (chatted about cars), outside my house (bloke next door), car wash (another waiting customer), the train, the pub (friends of friends), obviously work, theatre… 90% of those conversations are just social courtesy but men are everywhere…

I see men as just other humans that co-exist with me but every now and then one might pique my interest.