Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Ok so he just texted that he’s out tonight but can call me tomorrow…. I dunno. I don’t feel like replying tbh. He could have said that earlier . Feel like a bit of an idiot. How long does it take to send a txt. Maybe he’s on a date. Bit odd?

@Ceci693 you know what you need to do 😁

He's breadcrumbing you don't accept it. He reels you in saying he'll call and then doesn't follow through. He sounds like a messer sorry

Yeh I know. Well I’ll see what happens tomorrow . Don’t have much hope for this one though. Does he want to build a connection or not

I'm gonna say not

This says nothing about you and everything about him

@BoxOfCats Wow, that's so lovely 😊😊😊Beaming on your behalf haha.

Is Mr Nomad kiwi? Are they usually this romantic? That's giving me Italian vibes!

No date with Mr Artistic. We talked a bit on the phone yesterday. I can't decide if he's dull or not! Also learned he's younger than me - actually thought he was 40+. I wonder, do these younger men know how old I am, and have a thing for it? Or do they presume I'm younger than them? Or is caring about age simply not a thing anymore?

And also... Would anybody here date someone significantly older, if that person perfectly aligns with your personality and values? Very strangely, yesterday I found myself attracted to someone who is 70?! In all honesty though I thought he was max 50, and the way he spoke was captivating. He was also very well put together and well groomed. I couldn't believe it when he said he was 70.

@Kat888 Yes I was going to say!! But a fair few guys I've met via OLD have done that during the first few couple of dates. One even sent me pictures of his ex? Another sent me pictures of his children... For me personally it's a biiig red flag as I can see them instantly sharing pictures of me with people and that's a big red flag.

So, anything from the brother?

@Ceci693 To be fair the few dates where I'd pick the guy up, organise and pay for everything etc were in a LTR. I didn't mind tooo much as to be honest I tend to be the high earner in a relationship and sometimes it's just fair. But it did have weird vibes, like taking your son on a day out, planning and funding everything from start to finish. Do men feel that way with women?!

@Daisydoggs Hmmm. I'm guessing that differs from his usual way of speaking? Would be funny if his previous messages would read 'yo babe, wu2u?' and then this! Unless this is someone I'm madly interested in, I wouldn't reply after they ghosted. Why give them the satisfaction?

Just drop him. If this is him so early on when he's trying to impress you, and he already annoys you, this isn't going to get better.

Right... But you seem to actively dislike these women. So why are you bothering talking to them, if genuinely it's very unlikely your opinion of them will change, and you'd actually like something with them?

What kind of village/ town are you in where it's so dire? And how do you meet these women? What worked for you previously in terms of meeting the kind of person you actually really liked being around?

Hello! Welcome! I know there's been a bit of back and forth already...

To answer these kinds of questions, you should always think about why you are doing this. Are you dating because 'you feel like you should'? Is there social pressure to be coupled up? Or is that something you yourself are thinking about on a cold October night?

It's your life and the things you do with it should give you fulfilment and joy.

Remember how you felt when you met the last person you really loved, presumably excitement, butterflies, wanting to be around them, feeling accepted and at peace? Maybe it built gradually, or was love at frst sight? This is how it will feel when you are ready again and meet the right person. It should bring you positive feelings, not worry and stress.

Maybe instead of going straight to the apps, socialise more (I know it can be hard as a single parent), be out and about more, interact with people without romantic intent, and see how that feels. Be open to connections in any form, without putting pressure on yourself.

To give you an example, last time I caught serious feelings for somebody, it started with said person sending me a Zoom message asking for a document.

If somebody 'does everything right', it doesn't mean that you owe them dates/ a relationship. The longer you lead them on, the more attached they're going to get, and it's also not fair on them to be with someone that actually isn't invested in them. You aren't a prize for the person that gets all the quiz questions right, you're your own person with your own feelings, that unfortunately don't tend to be rational 😊

Am gonna give him another chance. I haven’t replied to last nights message. Am gonna see if he txts me. Maybe I’m too obsessed I mean we only “met” a week ago so it’s normal that he has a life ? Am thinking I’m too intense. Have looked back at all the messages tho and I don’t think I’ve chased him at all so am proud of that. And he has always contacted me albeit not as soon as I’d want. Maybe he’s a slow burn. See whet today brings anyway. I’m saying a mantra to myself if he wants to talk to me he will and if he doesn’t well then I know. God I hate this beginning part

I dont actively dislike all of these women but they are the nearest I’ve got to finding a woman I actually like. For example, Miss BOB is quiet and clever and doesn’t seem to like tattoed men with criminal records but she cant decide if she likes women or men, hence why I call her Miss BOB. Ultimately i dont think she’s interested. Miss Loveyoulongtime works in a pub and her job is to get customers. Again, I dont think she’s interested either though I have had social nights with her that were OK.

Im in the “North East” let’s say. Here, its very much women are women and men are men. This puts me at a real disadvantage because i work in a primary school, and because im not a PE Teacher or a Y6 teacher there’s no box to put me into. I have a number of women who wanted me to “come out to them”, such is my job. I really need to shave off all my head and get lots of tattoos but that would terrify the kids at work.

My last date was 7 years ago with a woman that “showed her she should pursue a relationship with God”. She’s just married a doctor who’s 6’8. In November I’ll be 20 years single

@Thatsthebottomline Would you be open to dating a little further afield and perhaps even being in something long-distance, or even dating internationally?

From what you're describing, sounds like Edinburgh or another more liberal place could have more of the sorts of women you might click with. Or even the countryside around there, as opposed to the cities?

Do any ladies you meet in the school setting ever show interest? I don't suggest that's a great idea but I hear parents and female teachers can certainly have a bit of interest... Anything you do along the lines of community volunteering where similarly minded women might pop up, amongst other things? One of my good fiends is a teacher and I always got the impression that they had very vibrant work-based social lives.

I live somewhere that's a little like that where in the city centre, the dominant culture is very much 'alternative' as the mainstream and being into more intellectual topics or dressing smart isn't generally cool. I'd say that's a lot of the cities in the north. However, there's little pockets here for everyone, and the villages and London are more my vibe, so I go there.

Thanks for some sterling advice, I have told the guy by WhatsApp that I no longer want to see him. He has been very nice about it and understands that my emotions are all over the place, feeling of guilt, still wanting my DH back as I never thought I would be dating at my age.
The guy who after 2 dates stopped seeing me, I did have butterflies and was eager to chat and see his messages. This guy I was more pragmatic about, I did not want to string him along knowing that I was not feeling it.
I’ve had a big learning curve, and am not sure if I will carry on with OLD, definitely take ing some time away to see how I feel about it all.

@Ceci693 fingers crossed for you x

@Thatsthebottomline good luck, I'm sure you'll find the right person.

@Snoozysu it's good you have clarity.

As for me, having trouble knowing what to do.

So he rang - he’s so nice we just started laughing straight away . Only chatted for about 20 mins tho cos he is meeting a friend. He said he will ring later but will see what happens. Am smitten but need to be careful cos I dunno - he seems to have a lot on - does he have time for a relationship . Wait and see I guess

@ElleintheWoods I agree with you. I now see it as a huge red flag and I won't entertain it again. As for the brother he hasn't messaged me but then again I haven't either but I think I'll let it be as if he's anything like his brother I'm probably better off. I just found him attractive which is rare for me. Think I'll unmatch him.

Also the guy I decided not to go on a date with let's call him Mr Handyman has messaged me again eventhough I never replied to his last text so I don't know what he wants.

As for dating older I'd definitely consider it, sometimes it's about the person's soul more but I haven't met anyone like that yet.

I hope everyone is ok. @Ceci693 just thread carefully.

@Ceci693If it’s a priority for him then he will make time. Sounds like you had a good connection! Very exciting.

@ElleintheWoodsHmmm I’m not sure I could go for that much of an age gap personally, although everyone is different of course. I think because I want to find someone who not only has personality and values that align, but ideally a lifestyle and future that can work together too. And I’d worry that someone who might be active and full of energy at 70, might be quite different only a few years down the track. Of course, anything could happen to anyone anytime, but my mum is 70 and I can see she’s getting health issues a lot more frequently and is slowing down a bit.

Mr Nomad is indeed Kiwi, and the first Kiwi man I’ve dated since school. My last two LTRs were both with Englishmen (I am also a Kiwi but lived in the UK for a long time). Mr Nomad is definitely a bit of a romantic, but in a way that appears he doesn’t like to admit it 😆 Which I am finding quite endearing. He’s definitely not my usual type - I usually go for corporate types like myself. He’s a bit rougher around the edges, but ruggedly handsome. Not sure what he wants with a polished city girl such as myself!

@BoxOfCats I can only dream of beingva polished city girl 😅

Just saw this profile lol
might just try it, nothing to lose 🤣

librauk Let us know how it goes

I've never understood this 'Meet a man in the supermarket' thing. I once had this nice looking man turn to me but all he said was (about my 6 year old who was dancing about in the queue) 'You can get these things called baby reigns, why don't you get some of those, that will keep her still'!!

Although, the other day in Aldi I did catch a man's eye & saw him look me up & down & then he walked off, so he obviously didn't like what he saw

@NervesOfCotton the man in the supermarket couldn't pluck up the courage 🙂

Nosdacariad Maybe

@NervesOfCotton Oh god, don't give me ideas! I'm definitely in my inappropriate phase. So can see myself standing next to someone in the spice aisle and starting a playful conversation full of innuendo! 😂

@BoxOfCats ah... Does Mr Nomad have a UK-based twin by any chance? Sounds like my type! Would love to meet someone like that/ have something like that. I'm also a city girl but in all honesty the corporate guys aren't my type and I'd much rather someone artistic or more connected to nature.

@Kat888 I can think of a few people 60-70 that I could be attracted to and love spending time with as a couple. But good point about the health issues @BoxOfCats. I find the physical side of a relationship extremely important and guys 40-50 already have concerns, so I'm unsure what it might be like at 70... So back to immature 35-year-olds it is! 😅

My ideal life would be that of a Guiness mistress, if anyboby gets the reference 😇

Mr RedFlagParade has actually gotten all serious now, asking about my personality and interests, and trying to plan a 2nd date. We're so incompatible it's crazy, keeping this going a bit longer to experience what I am definitely not looking for. He has admitted to picking fights over text just to test me, for example. Honestly, I can't imagine the kind of woman that would eventually settle down with this guy! Everything's just a constant confrontation or a game.

Does anybody notice the guys really activate on a Sunday evening? My phone is full of messages... Unfortunately none from anyone I actually really care for...

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too picky, as the guys messaging me regularly are desirable guys in the traditional sense - some are quite good-looking, almost all have extremely good careers, they're alright company in person. I just find the mundane messages like 'thinking about you' or 'remember that time when you wore x outfit, you looked really good' so tedious. How about a proper conversation about an interesting topic, current affairs, whatever? These half-arsed texts regularly just put me off them as serious prospects.

So in fact no, I know I'm not being too picky, I just want someone that makes my heart beat faster, it's not a 'send a weekly text for your loyalty rewards' scheme.

ElleintheWoods I wish I was brave enough to do that! You see where my thought process takes me, straight to 'Oh he didn't like what he saw'

I actually had a lovely 'in the wild' meet many years ago, this man comes over to myself & my friend in a bar & we were all chatting & I just assumed that he fancied my friend.

She went to the toilet & he asked for my phone number & I asked 'Why?' & he said 'Because I like you. That's why I came over' & I said 'Oh! I thought you liked my friend!' (obviously my friend had twigged that he liked me, I was the only oblivious one!)

MrRedFlagParade sounds exhausting, but it's also endearing to me that he's still trying

I don't think you are too picky, you like what you like & there's nothing wrong with that.

The messages are just monotonous & boring sometimes, aren't they.

On this other free dating site that I used to be on, all of the men would appear for the weekend. On Thursday it would suddenly be heaving, & on Sunday night they would all disappear again.

@ElleintheWoods total agreement about mundane texts. I'm going to be doing spice puns all day. How's your clove life?

@NervesOfCotton were they all married I wonder, or just hoping for a last minute date.

I need a way to kindly let down the ex.

He has this idea that he's going to work on hinself for six months then we'll get back together but that would mean him moving back in.
We are just not compatible and although he looks good he showed his lack of character and work ethic when we lived together. He's hopeless with money and so lazy about domestic tasks. He would also chuck a strop and end the relationship if challenged on anything however minor.
He was going to arrange counselling but hasn't.