Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

New to this thread, I am on a dating site, have had a few coffee dates,but no further, then met a nice guy so have had a few dates.
I was widowed 2 years ago, was married a long time. My friend encouraged me to try OLD. How do I tell this guy I am not sure if I want to carry on. I am not even sure I want a relationship. My friend just thinks it’s nerves and to give him a chance. I don’t want to give him false hope if I am getting cold feet.
Should I carry on seeing him and see if I change my mind, or recognise that maybe he is not for me.

@ElleintheWoodsits looks like he’s about an hour away so if we met halfway it wouldn’t be that far. I’m dying to meet him I feel like there’s great chemistry but will see obvs how the call goes today. I’m thinking he means tonight to call. I feel bad for mummy’s boy I chickened out of calling with him last night. He’s keen though. He’s not too bad it’s just that he talks about his mother A LOT which is off putting. Should I even call with him today. Or let him down gently.

@Daisydoggsgosh I couldn’t be arsed going out with a guy where I had to pick them up and drop them home🤣I think you’re selling yourself a bit short with those ones!
@BoxOfCatswow just enjoy for now!!! Don’t worry about the future - for me I’m not sure I ever want to live with a guy again. I love my own space too much and am not interested in all the domestic crap that always seems to fall to the woman. I’d be happy with someone nearby to hang out with. Well maybe I’ll change my mind but I think it’s helpful to think outside the box. 2.5 hours is that bit too far though maybe…?

@Snoozysusorry meant to say go with your gut. If you are having doubts this early then I would trust your gut. I’m very new to all this as well but you don’t owe these guys anything it’s just a couple of chats so if he’s not the right fit let him down gently and move on. I think it’s a numbers game - you have to go through a lot sometimes to find one you click with

I did really click with a guy but for various reasons he did not want to continue, we had had a couple of dates, This guy is nice and friendly does everything right, very respectful but I actually think I am making a mistake in even dating. Maybe it’s too soon as am still grieving,

@Snoozysuawww I’m sorry . Yes maybe it’s the wrong timing for you. It’s going to take a long time to come to terms with your husband passing away. Maybe it’s more a time for close friends and family. Hugs xxx

.

Just had a call with mummy’s boy. Ok he is gone. Only talking for less than 5 mins before her mentions his mum 😂🙈just no. No spark. Do you usually message and say thanks but no thanks. He’s a pretty prolific dater so I don’t think he will be upset or anything.

I

@Applesandpears1806 Thatsthebottomline but you are going on so many dates?! That's ana amazing track record for a man, at least in terms of quantity... Quality wise, no comment, sorry, hope it gets better

No, these aren't dates, these are women i talk to, because thats the nearest i get to dates.

Which reminds me, last night I saw Miss Meloveyoulongtime reeling another unsuspecting fella in

@BoxOfCats Mr Nomad sounds interesting.

@Snoozysu it may be too soon it may not but trust your instincts and take every 🚩seriously. I took up with my ex when I was recently widowed and I think he took advantage really as I was not in as good a headspace as I thought.

@Ceci693 haha at Mummysboy. Now you know 😁

I am supposed to meet Mr Polite Mechanical tomorrow eve for a drink but I suggested a phone chat first which he has done nothing to organise plus his comms are below basic so I'll probably cancel.

Thanks for your advice, I thought it was time to find a new relationship but I am finding it difficult to relate to how men see the dating scene, as the 1st question is what do I want out of a relationship, what they really mean is do I want a physical relationship, which I say yes if it’s the right person. But they seem to expect it fairly early on. I am wanting to take it much slower being friends first.
i think I will tell him I have decided I’m not ready for any relationship.
I have suspended my OLD account and will take a break to reevaluate.

I’ve been seeing him about 2 weeks so should I tell him in person, on the phone or by text?

It’s hard when you’re single for first time in decades.

I tried OLD about 18 months after my last relationship ended (and that was deleted due to lockdown). I honestly thought I was ready but I found if do stressful I realised I needed longer on my own.

I tried again a year later and felt much more comfortable - I came off again as I just didn’t find anyone I was attracted to and got sick of men approaching pension age who act like Jay from the Inbetweeners

I agree, I have not dated for a long time, pre OLD so all very different. I feel that the men who want a long term relationship want to move quickly to commit and the expectation to be exclusive, and although I am only dating one person at a time, I am of the opinion that it is early days and am not wanting to be saying it’s long term .
I definitely need to think about what I want to achieve from dating if I decide to try again .

Odd question….just got a strange message from a bloke who had pretty much ghosted me. It seems like it was written by yoda and is a bit spooky!! If it was chat gpt, it would probably sound friendlier…. Is this a thing?

What did it say ??

I have been back on the apps again today
get messages , reply, then nothing, I get it, ppl have other things to do , but hey .
oh and @ElleintheWoods one is a retired Copper 🤣🤣
I could not resist , he lives near by 😮

@librauk … I literally had one word answers and was then ghosted for a week. Then I got this….

Hello 😊 It's nice to hear from you. Walking your dog and gardening sounds like a peaceful weekend — I enjoy simple moments like that too. As for me, I think I'll go for a run and maybe go out with friends in the evening. And as for the compliment, it was sincere... you deserve it 😉 Thank you for taking the time to reply to my message, it's a sign of courtesy. Would you allow us to get to know each other?

is it me?

@Ceci693 If it were me, I probably wouldn’t message unless he did first! But you could just send a polite message saying it was loves to have a chance to chat but you think it’s not going any further.

@Daisydoggs I see what you mean. It sounds oddly formal, particularly the last two sentences. When you say he had pretty much ghosted you, how long was it since you last heard from him before this?

@NosdacariadYes it is a bit far, and post Xmas he will be even further away for a few months. He has a lot of friends and family where I am but yes I’m a but unsure how it could work longer term. Guess I will just wait and see!

@BoxOfCats … I asked him last Sunday how his weekend was going and he said ‘fine, same as usual’.. that was it. Nothing since.

Strange, isn’t it…?

@DaisydoggsYes, I agree it’s weird!! Do you think you will reply?

@Daisydoggs
how old is he ?
it is very formal, like a teacher or a vicar .

@Daisydoggs it is bloody weird.

I haven't met anyone horrible. When I say met I mean chatted online. I have also not so far met anyone with any oomph.

Am feeling like a fool - nothing from Mr softy not a text or a call. Dunno what he’s playing at but it’s pissing me off now . I’m not gonna block him yet but he’s nearly at his last chance with me. Too flaky. Am gutted as I really thought we had a vibe going . Anyway. This is why I haven’t dated for so long it’s just crap isn’t it.

@Daisydoggsthat is a bit weird I don’t know!!!!