Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I don’t know BOD either!
@Nosdacariadyea he does . He seems to go to bed very early!! Anyway am feeling more optimistic this morning even though he hasn’t said good morning yet which is unusual. Well I will be zen today!

have 2 others whom I’m chatting too when I’m bored. Don’t feel much chemistry but you never know and it keeps me from obsessing

no we haven’t arranged a date yet. I feel like I should wait for him to ask me out? Or is that old fashioned

Ceci693 Honestly, just do what works for you. I know that some like to wait for the man to ask & I did in the beginning but then I was becoming frustrated at not getting any dates so I chatted to one on the Monday, asked him if he wanted to meet & as we were both free, we met on the Tuesday! (We lived near to each other)

Although, I did once have a man telling me that if the woman asks then she looks desperate. So you never know how men will take it!

Sorry the dreaded three letter acronym.

Benefit of the doubt

I think if a man is freaked by a woman suggesting a date when he's on a dating site then it's a bit wet unless he's 20 something with no experience.

Mummy's boys - no thanks! Not unless you want a manchild 😁

Yeh this one is definitely a mummy’s boy. He has mentioned her in all the texts recently so probably yeh he’s a gonner.

Noscariad That makes sense!

Yes, I actually like to say quite early on 'How do you feel about meeting for a date at some point?' then if they freak out & say 'Oh. Well. It's early to think about that isn't it? Maybe, in the future, if we get along well. Possibly, if I have time, but definitely not for a while'. Or something, then I know they are probably not looking to meet anybody.

Surprising number of men who respond in that way. If a man says it to me I generally say 'Sure, if the chat continues to go well. Sounds good'

@Kat888 Oh my go, Mr RedFlagParade!! So. I sent him a text saying 'I don't think this is gonna work'. The normal response to this would be no response or 'thank you, take care', right?

He sent me a topless professional pic of himself and 'you don't know what you're missing, babe 😉' I am not blocking him as the follow-up messages are so extremely entertaining. Do extremely good-looking men genuinely have sugar baby vibes these days? It's been a long while since I've bothered with someone who's main draw is looks, and it's just so weird and funny. The vibe is very much 'but I'm so hot, please don't abandon me!' 😂

@NervesOfCotton I'll go solo unless he insists, but he has only mentioned it softly. Mr Artistic is nice enough and his texting is consistent, but also quite superficial. What's more, Mr StTropez mentioned he's a regular at the event I am going to. Therefore I'm hoping there'll be men similar to him there that I could get along with.

@Nosdacariad you're right, a lot of men aren't actually online to really meet someone, they want validation and a bit of chat.

@Ceci693 What kind of person are you looking to meet, what's your ideal? Age, personality, lifestyle, looks? I feel like that can also dictate 'should I/ shouldn't I ask' dilemma.

Previously I was quite open to asking men out, and to some degree I still am. However, to me, a man that won't ask a woman out usually has one of the following reasons:

• they want to be looked after by the woman, women to lead/choose/ plan everything (I've dated so many of these guys!!)
• they aren't that interested/ convinced it could go somewhere
• they lack confidence/ haven't asked anyone for ages
• they don't think they have a chance with said woman. And if they don't believe they have a chance, there's no convincing them, dating a man with no self-belief is not going to go anywhere

Whereas the best experience in terms of dating for me personally was with someone who was simply a good, straight-forward communicator, and quite concrete.

"So... we're getting on great on here, would you like to meet up soon?"
"What days are you free?"
"How do you feel about meeting for a coffee?"
"I'm thinking we can meet halfway, do you have any preference of venue or should I do some research?"
"Would you fancy going for dinner Saturday night? Do you like Thai food?"
"I've booked this place for 7pm, it has great reviews, does this work for you?"

Every date was planned in a way that involved effort and planning from him, not just me, but I was always involved in choosing what we were doing, and everything was done with consent and follow-up.

So this is now my ideal, but it's not that easy to find. A lot of single guys aren't that great at planning a well-thought-out date, and also, if they are, that could imply that they date a lot. However, i have also noticed that if, for any reason, the guy's interest level in me increases, they suddenly magically learn the ability to plan a decent date, use ticketing and restaurant booking systems, etc. Who knew!

Talking of which, do you have any jobs that you find attractive in terms of a future partner? Seeing as I'd love great communication, I'd be intrigued by someone that works in visual or media comms, journalism, writer, professor, public speaking. A no-go for me would be athlete, police officer, army, and similar.

@ElleintheWoods interested to know why you would rule out those job roles?

I sooo agree about men making an effort. It seems to be increasingly rare.

I don't have red lines about job roles but I do need someone to be able to have an intelligent conversation and I cannot cope with smoking or vaping.

So mummy’s boy wants to meet. Mr softy still hasn’t txt. I guess I’ll give him until tonight. Then it gets weird I reckon. I’m so tempted to drop him a text but am resisting

@Nosdacariad I dated athletes before… a lot of issues around self-esteem, wanting to prove themselves, and also pack mentality, which makes most of them womanizers and looking at women as easy trophies, also because women throw themselves at them. There’s a few good ones there but most of the time… oh dear! I mean, Ryan Giggs is pretty representative of it and that says it all. I don’t want to date someone in an orange sports car who thinks an expensive tracksuit is couture 😇

Police/ army, exposed to so much violence and ugliness, I think it desensitises them and can bring out some very weird tendencies. I also don’t think I’d have much in common with a man who’d voluntarily want to go into war. And the PTSD…

You may be too young to have seen Ally McBeal but there is a character who takes her Mum on every single date 🙂

Best of luck @Ceci693 hope the date goes well.

@ElleintheWoods I'm living vicariously through you with MrRedFlagParade because my dating life right now is boring eventhough I matched last night with the brother of a guy I went on a date with earlier in the year. He hasn't messaged me yet though. I think MrRedFlagParade wants you to want him,his ego is not used to being rejected.

For me I stay away from police, army and personal trainers.

My first H, was in the police
he become very possessive, and violent.

Well, its not been great this month.

We've had to see off Miss Farage because she was talking fluent shit and id had enough of that. MIiss BOB has decided to date women again but she's not sure if she's made the right decision and thats nice for her, I suppose.

Plus I get to welcome Miss Illiterate this month, who doesn't seem to be able to have a conversation without at least three swear words.

So its slim pickings....

I can relate @Thatsthebottomline!!

in the last couple of weeks, I have been catfished, ghosted and love bombed… Nice!!

Why is it that blokes go so ‘hot and cold’? I presume that they have several ‘on the go’ and I am being kept warm in case the others don’t work out. It is so soul destroying 🙁..

I have a week left of my subscription. Never again!!!

You made some really good points @ElleintheWoods. I don’t tend to ask blokes out as it seems that, unless they do the running, they don’t stay interested.

Definitely agree that the date planning has to involve both parties so that you are both invested. As you say, blokes like that are very rare!!

@Thatsthebottomline sounds grim.

@Daisydoggs what are you subscribed to?

@Nosdacariad … currently on Match but, have used Bumble & eHarmony. They are all pretty much of a muchness to be honest…

Mr softy texted - it’s ridiculous how happy I am and relieved. He’s out but wants to catch up tomorrow. I’ve really tried to chat with other guys but none of them come close to this one . I am supposed to have a call with mummy boy now . I guess I will but I’m not feeling it .

Delighted for you @Ceci693 you like who you like it can't be helped.

@Ceci693 what's the distance between you 2, are you likely to meet in person soon?

@Daisydoggs Yes, agree. Sometimes I ask blokes out as some guys may have no idea I'm interested in them/ it's a now-or-never moment, or also if the chemistry/ flirtation is very obvious but they're taking too long (months!), I just don't have the patience. I usually get what I want, i.e. end up in a LTR with them, but they've all been so passive and 'laid back' and I'm done with that. I also tend to date guys with lower pay than me, so I've been on dates where I literally pick them up, drive them to the date, have organised everything and pay the bill, and they're just there like an accessory... That can feel a bit much sometimes. I'd like more equality, not making every decision and being in control of everything.

@Thatsthebottomline but you are going on so many dates?! That's ana amazing track record for a man, at least in terms of quantity... Quality wise, no comment, sorry, hope it gets better!

@librauk yes I've heard too many of these stories so I steer clear.

@Kat888 How do you know he's the brother? How was the earlier date?

Mr RedFlagParade could interest Freud! I doubt a 2nd date will materialise and I'm glad it won't, he's such a mess. And you're right, he isn't used to being rejected. It's entertaining as he's spent all of today bigging himself up via long messages, not realising that other guys I could potentially date have a whole lot more going for them, and that I'm not impressed. But I let him keep going because it's rather fascinating how badly he wants fleeting approval. He wants the feeling of superiority, not actual sex etc.

I know because he sent me pics of his family when we were talking and getting to know eachother before the date and I remember thinking his older brother is hot at the time 🤣 but then he liked me on a certain app yesterday and I liked him back but no message yet anyway.

As for that date, we got on well, he was nervous and so was I but at the end he just gave me a peek on the lips and I thought ok. He was talking about meeting again and I would have but it never happened.

@Kat888 How do you generally feel about people sharing photos of their family before first date? Is that a flag of any colour to you?

Was out yesterday and heard some crazy dating stories!

@Ceci693Hope you manage to catch up with Mr Softy. I think if no one else is coming close then it’s for a reason, so just go with it!

@ElleintheWoodsYour description of MrRedFlagParade’s reaction is so funny. Love that you have him figured out. I might have missed it, but did you end up asking Mr Artistic for a date?

Mr Nomad drove the 2.5 hours from his town to visit me last night. We are now two weeks in since our first date.
We were planning to head out to dinner for the evening but basically couldn’t keep our hands off each other and ended up having, er, a romantic evening at home instead 🫣☺️ He is gorgeous and the chemistry is honestly off the scale!

Then this morning we had a bit more of a civilised day - went out for brunch to my favourite cafe, went for a walk while it was sunny. Two things made me melt - firstly, he held my hand while we were out walking (I feel ridiculous typing this, like some kind of school girl with a crush). And secondly, he noticed something in my bathroom that needed fixing, and fixed it without me saying anything. Swoon.

We talked a bit about future plans (more just generally, not relationship wise). It sounds like he’s over his current nomadic lifestyle and wants a change, isn’t sure what it is, but I get the vibe he’s all that keen on moving to my city ever. Which isn’t great for me as my current career doesn’t exist outside of the city I’m in. Again, I’m just enjoying it for what it is for now and not thinking too much about the future.

@ElleintheWoods I thought it was weird. I didn't understand why he did it but for some reason I still met him.