Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

994 replies

oldernotwiserffs · 06/02/2025 15:29

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Nosdacariad · 08/10/2025 14:25

@Ceci693 I have a polite message that says "nice to meet you but I don't feel the connection is there" then unmatch, block 🙂

librauk · 08/10/2025 15:06

Thanks , all for your kind words.
think I dodged a bullet with date I should of had today
I thought we had left things amicable
I had came off Tinder (where I had found him)
this morning decided to go on one of the other sites, I never delete apps, just take breaks, saves the hassle of setting everything up again.
well this afternoon, who messaged me ??
the guy from Tinder, he was not a happy bunny
saying I left one site , and joined another
I felt like saying…are you stalking me ??
he said a few other things, but I did not bother replying ,
just blocked him.

Ceci693 · 08/10/2025 15:31

@libraukHa ! He had done the same though? Popped up on another site? Thank god dor the block button .We have to remember we owe these guys nothing . I felt bad about blocking Mr yorkshire I was losing sleep over it but then I copped myself on. @Nosdacariadthsfs a good little message I’ll remember that one.

im really falling for Mr softy. He cracks me up. He’s quite mysterious though. Hasn’t given much away apart from what I already got from his profile. Think we are “vibing” though. Have moved onto WhatsApp but not managed to co ordinate an actual phone call yet - just timing problems. He messages me early morn to say hello tho. I can’t wait to meet him irl. Will let him do the running tho. I’m out tonight or I think we would call. It’s getting near the weekend. I’d love a date 😆

Kat888 · 08/10/2025 15:57

I love you're updates @ElleintheWoods the player sounds interesting if just only fun.

I've a bit of a situation myself and I just don't know what to think of it. So I met him on the apps which I swore I'd stay away from so been chatting a bit and due to meet at the weekend but he has kids he doesn't see and I have to be careful what I say here but basically the mother moved away and he had no idea that she wasn't coming back. I can't help thinking there's more to the story. Why would a woman flee?

Ceci693 · 08/10/2025 17:49

@Kat888hi kat maybe keep an open mind for now? But yeh be careful - all the usual precautions meet in a public place and don’t stay too long good luck tell us how you get on

BoxOfCats · 08/10/2025 18:15

@ceci693 Excited for you! Hope you guys can figure out a time for a call soon. In the meantime, enjoy the anticipation 😊

@libraukWhat a double standard from him! Great that you found out this early on that he’s a twat. Lucky escape!

@Kat888Thats a good question to be asking. Personally I’d be cautious but open minded to find out if there’s more to the story.

@ElleintheWoodsHaha I love your descriptions of MrRedFlagParade. I know exactly his type!! And love that you’re better at playing the game than he is!

Mr Nomad is back in his home town this week but has been messaging / calling pretty regularly. Unlike any other guys I’ve dated this year, he’s seems to take great joy in making fun of me (in a light hearted, endearing sort of way). He says he might need to stop into my city for work tomorrow, so hopefully I’ll get to see him at least once this week. But we are 2 weeks in since meeting in real life now, and so far so good.

ElleintheWoods · 08/10/2025 21:32

@librauk Oh wow! This guy actually sounded nice! Guess impressions can be deceptive! That was the one that said 'well I'm here if you change your mind', right?

@Ceci693 sounds nice! What's the geographical distance like? It's nearly the weekend so reckon he will ask soon - unless he's far away?

@Kat888 Hmmm to be honest I don't like the sound of it. I know people say being friends with your ex is a red flag, but tbh for me, your ex feeling the need to block you is a bigger red flag. Then again I'm really close friends with my ex, there's not a lot we wouldn't do to help the other. Only scenario where I could imagine resenting and running away from an ex partner is when something really bad has happened. As in, worse than just cheating etc. Also, I'd like to hope they've been broken up a long time, but people jump on the apps 5 minutes after breaking up, oftentimes.

Does he have a lot going for him? Sometimes the toxic types can also come across really open, caring and loving, but would actually end up being suffocating and controlling - I went on a couple of dates with one.

But could be wrong and perhaps misjudging the poor guy.

@BoxOfCats Things sound lovely with Mr Nomad, I do hope he manages to casually pop in and see you :) Honestly it sounds a whole lot better than the start of many love stories!

Mr RedFlagParade is hot and cold this week and I don't like that. I've looked up what he's doing, and he is making himself scarce to make me give in more easily, as opposed to the earlier lovebombing, he is now bread crumbing. This could be a textbook lesson in toxic men!

From a psychological POV I actually feel bad for him. He's similar age to me, but just seems very lost, no proper job, no stability, limited prospects, no good friends/network around, no hobbies that bring him real satisfaction. He's got his looks going for him and he knows that, so he seduces women and drops them to cure his poor self-esteem. We had a looong date where he actually opened up quite a bit and underneath that player facade is someone very perceptive, clever, sensitive to other people's wants and needs, who life hasn't quite worked out for. Sounded like he actually liked being listened to, and wasn't used to someone asking real questions. Actually said 'okay, you really want to know about that?' He wants to have power over women and come and go as he pleases as that's probably the only aspect of his life where he feels he has power.

Last year I fell in love with someone very similar in terms of being 32 and lost in life, except one that was a very good man, so he effectively didn't date as he felt he needed to work on himself.

My friends tell me it's a pattern for me to give these 'lost, cute, broken guys' a chance, so maybe I need to pull away from RedFlagParade before I start propping him up like the lost puppy that he is. No, I can't change him, and no, I don't need another project, not sure why I am expecting the sex to be good.

There's also Mr Artistic, who I could probably go on a date with this weekend. He has more going on for him, but he also seems to fetishise the way I look, he has a specific ethnic/stylistic type, and I don't love that. He's nice, quite consistent, but truthfully I think he is also a player.

And there's Mr StTropez. I loooove his personality. He's a very accomplished person. We speak every few days for no reason at all, other than that we just have so much in common. However, there's a very big age gap, and we aren't even talking in a dating sense at all. How do I find out if he has a son that's single and lives in the UK? 😂

However, I've had enough now, it's October and I want a guy to wrap me in a plaid and whisper into my ear about North Korean politics and feed me tapas! I'm out this weekend so maybe there's hope! I've decided that if I see someone I fancy this weekend, I'll just walk up to them and 'ask for directions' 😇

Nosdacariad · 09/10/2025 07:36

@ElleintheWoods the sex will be good...to begin with 😁

ElleintheWoods · 09/10/2025 09:21

Nosdacariad · 09/10/2025 07:36

@ElleintheWoods the sex will be good...to begin with 😁

Hmmm… Don’t you find that first time usually isn’t that great and it gradually gets better as you get to know each other?

That’s one of the reasons why I’m reluctant to get involved with men that I’m not crazy about.

Or did I miss a pun? 😃

Nosdacariad · 09/10/2025 10:21

ElleintheWoods · 09/10/2025 09:21

Hmmm… Don’t you find that first time usually isn’t that great and it gradually gets better as you get to know each other?

That’s one of the reasons why I’m reluctant to get involved with men that I’m not crazy about.

Or did I miss a pun? 😃

Yes usually I would agree.

There is an apparently establised thing though where avoidant people or people with narcissist traits put in perfect effort at the start then stop bothering once they think you're in the proverbial bag.

This was my ex. I have never seen that before and never wish to again!

Kat888 · 09/10/2025 11:32

Ok ladies so an update I've decided not to go on the date because I just can't shake the feeling he's not what he appears to be.

So besides the kids issue I've noticed other things, so the date idea I wasn't happy with to begin with. He without even asking me said we'd go for a coffee in a nearby area, which means he's driving and I would have to get in a car with him. Now I don't know him and I wouldn't feel comfortable with this but the fact he never asked me for my input put me off.

It takes a lot for me to go on a date, I value my time. Everytime in the past where I have ignored my gut I have been proven right. I have worked a lot on myself and healed.

Another thing I feel he's overly kind like it's all a facade. So I didn't reply to his last message and I know I should say something but I just don't know how to say it. Sometimes I think he's either clueless or calculated.

But it just doesn't all add up to me and I can't get over it.

Nosdacariad · 09/10/2025 13:01

@Kat888 so glad you decided this. 100% the right call xxx

BoxOfCats · 09/10/2025 18:56

@Kat888You are doing the right thing trusting you gut! I remember when I was totally new to OLD a few years ago, tying myself in knots over things I felt uncomfortable about. The gut never turned out to be wrong! I too have learned to listen to it.

Ceci693 · 09/10/2025 19:16

@Kat888well done for trusting your gut. I definitely wouldn’t have liked to get into his car no no no.

well I’m sat here again waiting for Mr softy to txt. I hate it. But I’m determined not to txt him. I sent the last txt this morn so I feel like he should go next? Last nite we were supposed to chat but when I txt him no response: I was trying to be ok about it. They then 7am this morn a txt came saying sorry he fell asleep. Suppose I believe it he has no reason to lie right. But on the other days he’s always txt around 530 straight after work. Anyway who knows
he could be doing anything - have to remember he’s a stranger.

@Kat888dont feel bad u dont owe him anything. If you want to say bye to him you can but if you don’t want to then just please yourself.

any more dates for the weekend.

stay safe everyone

Ceci693 · 09/10/2025 19:19

I’m wondering now is he ghosting me. I don’t think he would but u just don’t know these guys . Frustrating isn’t it all the waiting🤣I will prob get more chill with it as I do it more?

Ceci693 · 09/10/2025 19:23

Ok he just txt me🤣honestly every time so far he has proved me wrong and txt me so maybe I can relax a little I don’t know !!!

Ceci693 · 09/10/2025 19:24

I feel like we have chemistry but then I think maybe I’m mistaken and have mis read the situation

ElleintheWoods · 09/10/2025 20:58

@Ceci693 maybe you're starting to overthink the texting a bit, instead of having fun. It's easy to get drawn into it but it can trigger anxiety as well. Plus people play games with texting, too, e.g. break the usual pattern and see how the other person reacts, if they chase or not.

Is there anything you can do to stop checking your phone? Any really involved hobbies to detach every now and again? That's also why it's good, IMO, to have a few guys going at the same time, so that if one doesn't text, the other will. Or just text/meet/call friends to feel that connection in a different way and not be so available to the guy.

@Kat888 Your gut is usually right. Stay safe! You don't need to explain to him in detail how and why, if anything, that's going to wise him up for when he talks to the next woman.

This sounds like the first person I went on dates with after my LTR ended. He seemed so charming, so wholesome, kind, and opened up to me so easily, made himself sound exactly like what I wanted. Texting me all the time before first date, but then a few other things... 'I'm old-fashioned so I like to pick a lady up for the first date', 'I don't talk to my ex, divorce was her fault', 'I like if a woman wear x/y outfit'. He actually dressed me for the first date. And also admitted to looking for me online and not finding me, going 'I don't believe you don't have LinkedIn'.

The dates themselves were okay, he seemed genuine in the sense that he had a lot of feelings he needed to get out and process with somebody! But there were so many flags in terms of controlling tendencies/ suffocation. Starting with the lovebombing and getting attached to me before even seeing me.

@Nosdacariad How long do you feel people need to feel like you're 'in the bag' and stop bothering? In some cases, is it just 'they're texting me back/ said yes to a date'?

I'm avoidant myself and pull away when it feels like I could get hurt. So the best way to get me into a relationship is to either go very slow and win my trust, or go full steam ahead so that I'm in a relationship before I even have time to have doubts.

Mr RedFlagParade is quite possibly the most toxic man, and this is the most toxic dynamic, that I have ever been involved in!! I'm getting the vibe he wants to feel power over them through attracting and rejecting them. Which is disturbing as he works in a job where he empowers women.

I'm torn between asking Mr Artistic on a date for Saturday, or going alone in the hope that I'll meet people there. I'm leaning towards the 2nd option.

Kat888 · 09/10/2025 21:51

Thanks so much @Nosdacariad @Ceci693 @BoxOfCats @ElleintheWoods

@Ceci693 I'm so glad he texted you. I used to have awful anxiety about it when I first started on the apps but now I'm very much letting it be. I'm of the mind if it's meant to be it will be.

@ElleintheWoods I agree I think he's very similar. Seems genuine but I just don't buy it. I haven't heard any more from him that thankfully.

As for MrRedFlagParade I got the sense at the start you were enjoying the back and forth with him but now I think he's just too toxic and who has energy for that.. whatever you decide enjoy and keep us updated.

As for me I've no other dates planned, there isn't even a guy I'd consider a date with at the moment.

Ceci693 · 09/10/2025 21:57

So he rang me and I missed the call so I rang back a few mins later and no answer so dunno. Maybe he’s just watching the football . I need to chill out. Tbf I wasn’t checking my phone at all today which was a relief 😂and yeh I texted 2 other guys who had messaged me during the day. Both I’be been having convos with. One is giving me a red flag but it might just be me. He talks about his mother a lot 🙈just cos my ex was very attached to his mother and moved back in with her when we split so I’m ultra wary of men and their mothers!!! But maybe he’s just a good son I dunno yet

Nosdacariad · 09/10/2025 21:57

@ElleintheWoods I don't think there is a time frame but then this is the only experience I've had.

Then I did some reading and found out it was a thing.

Ceci693 · 09/10/2025 22:28

It’s just frustrating cos he wanted to call on Monday but I couldn’t . Then on Tues he was in the pub so we texted. Yesterday we were supposed to phone but I txt him then no reply then in the morn her said sorry he fell asleep. Then tonight he phoned me I missed it and he didn’t pick up when I rang back. Is is just all bad luck . Obvs I feel like I’m too invested . I need to chill out

NervesOfCotton · 10/10/2025 06:17

Ceci693 Sounds like genuine mix ups. Have you Two arranged a date?

ElleintheWoods Did you decide to ask Mr Artistic for Saturday or are you going alone?

Nosdacariad How are you getting on?

(Looks like I'm being nosy posting a list of questions, but I am genuinely interested)Grin

Nosdacariad · 10/10/2025 08:07

@Ceci693 he sounds curiously unavailable but then I'm an old cynic. When that happened to me years ago it turned out he was only amicably separated from his wife because she didn't know about the separation. I never met him in person as I found out quite easily...until years later when I met him in the vets. I recognised him but he had no clue! Hopefully BOD applies.

@NervesOfCotton I'm doing OK thanks. How are you?

NervesOfCotton · 10/10/2025 08:38

Nosdacariad I'm good too, thank you!

Sorry, being thick, What's BOD?

Swipe left for the next trending thread