Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Ah ok that’s interesting . Do you have a lot in your list that just “tailed off”

BoxOfCats Sounds like an amazing weekend. Shame that it's not completely perfect but I'm glad you are enjoying it for what it is.

Ceci693 My criteria for stopping chatting is all over the place tbh. Sometimes they are giving one word answers so I just can't be bothered. Sometimes they are chatting plenty but it's just boring, sometimes I'll think to myself 'I should unmatch him because of (whatever) reason, but he looks lovely/seems lovely/we seem to have so much in common, so I'll just hang on a bit longer'...

It is hard when they just disappear & you 'liked' them but I try to tell myself that they could have been married or lying about something. Softens the blow a bit.

Did you hear from Mr Yorkshire?

librauk Usually when I'm struggling with somebody's messages like that, they try the old 'I can't type on here, can we move to WhatsApp instead?'. Good luck for Wednesday

Nosdacariad Sounds like your ex is messing with your head. I hope that the Optician, or maybe another one or Two, too?! Can help you to move on.

@NervesOfCotton no he didn’t phone the bollox. So I went on and liked a couple of guys and got into a great banter with one guy and had a lovely chat with another one who seems really genuine . He was a bit shy so I suggested a call and he agreed . So good result tonight !

Ceci693 Sounds like it's going well

Mr Softy has been in touch already this morning - we had a great laugh about soft skin - too involved to explain 😆I haven’t replied yet tho. I do have some Butterflies when I saw his msg. It’s a little bit exciting when you vibe with someone but I can’t cope with these butterflies / anyone else the same. I need to be more chill about it

So what dates do we have lined up for thjs
week everyone

@ElleintheWoodsHaha fair enough, no judgement here! Nothing wrong with a bit of fun on the side… 😁

Ceci693 I'm not really dating right now, I'm just just enjoying reading everybody else's adventures on here!

So I had given up hope on Mr Yorkshire and have been chatting all day to Mr softy - working from home so….- and now Mr Yorkshire texted me he wants to ring me tonight. But Mr softy just gave me his phone number and suggested a chat tonight. Is it two timing to talk to both I don’t know who I like better !!!!

@Ceci693Not two timing, and really the only way to find out is to chat to them both!! 🙂 Let us now how it goes!

He is messing with my head, we're speaking on the phone tonight. Last chance since last time I said something he didn't like and he hung up.

@librauk Oh dear. Did his messaging style just change halfway through the conversation?

Good luck with your Wednesday date!!

Also, what is the haystack method exactly? I keep hearing about it but not really researched it, does it mean you start off with lots of guys and drop them when they exhbit any red flags?

@Ceci693 Personally for me I only have 1-2 that just tailed off, it was probably the case that neither was particularly interested, so when one didn't reply, the other didn't follow up. Others were more, wanted different things. I notice that a lot of guys want to get quite serious quite quickly, and I curb their enthusiasm, often as I don't feel the same or just not ready fot this kind of pace.

It's dating apps, talk to many, many guys, you don't need to commit to anyone until you've met a few times and feel that you actually really like them in person. It's just a phone call. Good luck!

@BoxOfCats @NervesOfCotton I'm having an absolutely delicious time playing with Mr RedFlagParade. He barely texted me after the date, but he did eventually, so I left him on read for near 24h. When I finally replied and implied he's missed out, he replied within 60 seconds 😆He's worked very hard today, bless him, and looking at another date. Teased him about the first date being a disaster. I love having beating the player at his own game, this feeling of having power over him is rather delicious, now that he knows I've seen right through him and called his bluff...

Mr Volleyball has booked video calls in for tomorrow and Friday. Called today and said [enter Spanish accent]: "Well, we probably have to discuss again before the end of the week, and work closely on this!" His emails read very, very professional at the moment, and I don't like that! In fact... His vibe is massively Mr Darcy! Just add a big bright smile, but he is indeed a tad boring/dry.

@ElleintheWoods
It was when we went over to WhatsApp, it got worse, plus he started calling me “Babe”

date on Wednesday, I have called it off, I have just started a new job,and I am really tired, and Wednesday is my only day off this week.
he was a nice guy, but … I don’t know , so I have closed down the apps for now
he was very understanding bless him, and he said , I would know where to find him if I changed my mind .
it is my birthday today, and I don’t know if it is tiredness or what, but feeling pretty miserable 😞

librauk Big hugs to you. Happy Birthday too, I hope you've done/are able to do something nice for yourself? To to celebrate 'you'.

Hehe, ElleintheWoods When you said he's worked very hard today, I thought that you were meaning doing something else
Mr Volleyball sounds a tad frustrating, though understandable that he's keeping things professional. Maybe on the calls something might happen...

Nosdacariad I hope that you are alright after your call.

This man on Hinge today 'Social media is absolute poison & if you are constantly on your phone then you are not for me. Move on. Simple as'.

He has 6 photos all with his phone in his hand or with him sat doing something on his phone (I know this might not have been social media, but still)

@NervesOfCottongod some of these guys I don’t know!!

@libraukaw happy birthday I hope you are ok

@ElleintheWoodsthere’s definitely something in the old adage treat ‘em mean to keep ‘em keen

so I think Mr Yorkshire is dead in the water. Had a 2 hour call tonight - I didn’t mean it to go on so long I should have ended it sooner. Thing is he was a bit pissed and I could hear him smoking or maybe vaping- ok no judgement from me but he basically told me all the same stories he told me on Saturday🤣🙈nearly word for word. I gave him the benefit of the doubt on sat thinking was he nervous but to literally repeat the same stories? Like something my mum does 🙈I called him out on it a few times and said oh yes you told me that already. Then he started talking about meeting halfway and getting a hotel room and I just said no I wouldn’t be staying in a hotel room. And he said but what do you do if you live far away so I said I’ll meet you for a coffee that’s all. I rang off shortly after. Really put me off him . And then I just looked on bumble and 4 messages waiting for me and I was relieved to see their sweet messages ha ha. Gosh it’s so important to talk to them I realise now you can make up a whole image in your head from the texts or even one call

@NervesOfCotton I'm ok thanks. I don't think he has a realistic view of life or himself/his behaviour.

Haha maybe porn is ok but social media is a no!

@librauk Happy birthday! 🎂 It’s quite normal having a little wobble around that time and think too deeply about things, isn’t it?

Regarding the guy, you can always do that disappearing and resurfacing act men are known for!

What’s with all these men using ‘babe’, do they think we like that?

@NervesOfCotton I was talking to my friend about Mr Volleyball. We concluded that nobody will make a move as it’s too professional a set-up. Not sure where to go from here! I do have it in me to tell him over a coffee ‘I think you should take me to dinner’, maybe I’ll do that next time I’m in his city. I like to be seductive but I don’t like putting it on a plate if it’s someone I’m interested in for RTL. In a way I like that he isn’t doing what the others are doing, blowing up my phone etc, it shows some restraint and respect. In fact within his given boundaries he’s pushing it quite far.

Oh RedFlagParade will be working hard… I hope he’s preparing! And I hope it’s very good as he keeps bragging what a player he is and how well he knows women 🤢

I’m tempted to drop in ‘you know that’s not a good thing, darling, most girls don’t like to share with half the city 😉’

Also hold up, you’re on Hinge? Thought you weren’t dating!

@Ceci693 Hotel room to be worth at 40 mile drive?! On first meet? Wow, lucky escape!

If you’re new to dating apps… Many many men are on them to get laid or validation. The majority aren’t looking for a relationship in earnest, no matter what they say - often they don’t even know themselves. But lots of them will put on a show that they are. So choose wisely.

ElleintheWoods I get the daily 'We think you might be interested' emails from Hinge so have a little nosey.

I see what you mean with Mr Volleyball. Quite the conundrum! Maybe mention dating in general & see what his response is?

I know what you 'want' MrRedFlag parade for, but I couldn't listen to the bragging like that!

I need to chill out. Am getting a little obsessed looking at my phone every 5 mins to see if there’s a message😀I think you have to be disciplined with it really. How do you all manage to get on with life in between messages 🤣

@NervesOfCotton I know, I showed some of his more entertaining messages to my 20-something friend who has given up on the dating pool and she got 2nd hand ick on my behalf 🤣

To be fair it’s a fun game. The harder my putdowns, the more he seems to want it.

I promise he’s really attractive, oozes sex appeal and very clever. Just doesn’t translate into texts 🤣 On text he sounds like the ultimate bonehead. Maybe I need to give him dating advice 🤷‍♀️🤣

@Ceci693 lock that phone away! I take 4h breaks, also makes it more interesting to come back to lots of messages as opposed to check every few mins and see none.

ElleintheWoods I believe you, I know the type! I had some kind of a relationship with a similar one many years ago, & the Taylor swift song 'I knew you were trouble' always makes me think of him now

Agree, Ceci693 Have a break from your phone. Distract yourself.

Way back in the beginning I used to give these messages all of my time (the spare time that I had!) & then if things went 'wrong' then I'd give myself a really hard time about it, thinking how many hours I'd 'wasted' on these messages that went nowhere, so I really had to step back from the messages a little & change that mindset for my own good!

Ah yeh thanks for the advice everyone. I can’t put my phone away today. Dd age 22 and away at uni phoned me last night - very unusual for her! Her boyfriend of 2 years thinks he “might” like someone else but he’s not sure and needs some time to think about it. So she’s devastated. It came out of the blue. She had no clue anything was up. I feel so sorry for her she’s nearly 4 hours away so I can’t jump in the car really so I was on the phone to her for ages last night and texting her today . Why do guys think this is ok behavior. He doesn’t seem to have any idea how hurtful he is being . Anyway I just hate seeing her so upset.

what do you do about these guys who take about 24 hours to reply and then reply with a short sentence and don’t ask a question back. I’m a bit sick of them. I have about 3 on the go now !!!

Ceci693 Honestly, I know they could be busy etc but I don't bother with them. If they can send a message then they can add a quick question.

I'm sorry about your daughter, how upsetting for her (& you!)

@Ceci693 The 24h guys? Just leave them be, unmatch.

I used to date someone really busy but quite lovely. While we’d talk only in the evenings, his messages were always thoughtful, follow-ups on the previous conversation, questions about my day etc.

If you’re not having fun interacting with someone and it doesn’t bring a smile to your face, drop them.

When I was on OLD I expected the initial messages with the guy to be quite meaningful, eg message back and forth for a while, really get talking, exchanging paragraphs, and go from there.

Waiting for Mr softy to ring - feel like a teenager again . Maybe he’s talking to someone else. Not that it matters sure I am as well but you need nerves of steel don’t you