Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@NervesOfCotton Yup!!! This actually happened!!

I’m used to guys talking to me about intellectual topics or at least, you know, setting a half decent meeting spot!! And considering first time we met he was dressed very smart, I did NOT expect a tracksuit!! I mean. Who turns up to a date in a tracksuit, ever? Genuinely think in terms of the concept, this was my first date, ever.

(Mind you, in spring I went on a date with Mr PR, or god knows what I called him on here… I asked what he was going to wear, it was a walking date. He said he was choosing between grey joggers and jeans. I pretended I thought grey joggers was a very funny joke from him, like ‘good one 🤣’ - thankfully that nudged him to jeans - what’s up with these Gen Z guys?! Apparently men think women love grey joggers?!)

Anyway, bear with me. Date with Mr RedFlagParade was actually alright. I found myself sitting there, thinking ‘oh god, please kiss me!’ Usually that’s not how I feel at all.

I wonder if it’s a strategy from him? Early on he hugely lovebombed me. When I called him out on that, he changed his approach to the point where he seems almost uninterested.

I feel like maybe he is thinking: “She has guys swooning over her, bet she’s used to being treated like a princess, if I act like I’m not bothered at all, that may work in my favour.”

Is that a thing?

Talking of swooning, this week so far I got asked out at a dry cleaners, and my new plumber did the work free of charge and gave me his number?! I’m starting to get the feeling it’s the mini skirt. I’ve been wearing a short albeit smart skirt with heels everytime I get approached, so that’s the only thing I can think had changed.

ElleintheWoods I think that's definitely a thing, & sounds like what he's doing. It's almost game playing isn't it. Whatever it was, you will definitely remember the date!

Good for you, getting asked out all over the place! Maybe it's the heels? I think men love heels don't they. Or maybe you are just amazing

Hey all I’ve been reading your thread trying to catch up with you all. So I literally joined bumble a couple of days ago and have been so amazed to get some matches and gradually after thinking there were so many when you whittle them down it’s still hard to find someone you “vibe” with isn’t it. Anyway had my very first phone call today which went on for about 3 hours - he was very chatty! But I came off feeling a bit freaked out as he has an ex wife and then a partner of 5 years and then he told me he’s been on quite a few dates and I feel embarrassed as honestly I haven’t been out with anyone for 15 years since I broke up with my ex. I didn’t tell him that of course. I just feel so stupid and inexperienced and terrified of intimacy. He wants to call again tmw and I like him but I’m so scared of falling for him too. I’ve got 3 or 4 others that I’m chatting to as well as I really don’t want my brain to start falling for this guy when I don’t even know him . I feel like a teenager again. I don’t want him to know that I’ve had nobody for so long. Any advice please

Hi Ceci693 My advice would be try to keep the phonecalls short & try to meet up as soon as possible, otherwise you could build a picture in your mind of who they are, & then when you meet it's completely different.

It's daunting when you are just starting out but try not to overthink it (easy to say, I know!) we all have to start somewhere. If you don't want anybody to know how long it's been then don't tell them just yet & if they ask then just be vague in your responses.

Thanks @NervesOfCotton. He wants to ring me tomorrow so I’ll maybe keep it shorter. Trouble is he lives 80 miles away so he suggested a meet up next weekend but I’m definitely not staying over or anything like that so will suggest meeting halfway. I guess if he doesn’t want to wait for me to be ready for any physical stuff he can jog on! How do you all manage to talk to a few guys at the same time. I like all of them tbh it’s quite confusing !

Ceci693 Suggesting halfway is good. The distance we are happy to date is personal to all of us.

You need to have a good memory to chat to a few at a time

I was meeting one once & I had a complete mental block of what his name was! I'd saved his number under his OLD name & I can't remember now why his real name wasn't in any of our messages, maybe he'd said it in a voice note, but I just told him straight away (with a huge apology!) & luckily he found it funny & it was a good ice breaker!

@NervesOfCotton So I’ve tried to find dating tips on the internet where it says ‘make zero effort and act like you don’t care for first date and she’s yours’. Is that really a thing? I’m guessing that’s something only a very hot guy can pull?

I know I’m being played and yet can’t wait to see him again. I don’t see it as a serious relationship - but I’m so turned on. Honestly, thought he wasn’t the brightest spark initially, but I learned quickly he’s very smart, so he’d do well executing mind games to perfection.

I’m tempted to call his bluff and go ‘I just get the vibe you’re not interested’. Any other ideas on how to flip the tables back?

@Ceci693 Agree with previous advice. It’s easy to get attached to that first interested person quickly if you’ve not been dating for a while. Really work on your self-esteem and get into the mindset of ‘he’s lucky to have a chance with me’. Truth is, women get lots of attention online, men don’t. So he is indeed very lucky.

Also, be mysterious. Don’t say a lot or pour your heart out. Listen. Absolutely no need to be open about your previous history, it’ll work in your favour if you say something like ‘a lady doesn’t kiss and tell’ - maybe less cheesy tho 😆

Remember, you’ve got options and you don’t know these guys. So don’t get attached to one ‘just because’, keep an open mind.

How do you mean about talking to a few at the same time, what do you find challenging? Do you find it a bit exhausting to be texting so much or is it something else?

ElleintheWoods I'm absolutely certain that it's a thing but I can't think what it would be called!

I typed it into AI & got 'He's emotionally unavailable or he's playing games'.

You sound like you have the measure of him anyway. Maybe just match his energy? (& Turn up to the next date in Grey joggers)

I'm trying to help my friend navigate OLD & she is having the hardest time navigating everything as she just believes everything that any man tells her &... It's not my story to tell but she uses that 'I get the vibe you aren't interested' line a lot. They lie, & the cycle continues. It's so hard to 'watch' from the outside.

Not that I'm any kind of a dating expert or anything! Of course I'd be happy for one of these men to step up & prove me wrong!

Can I join please?

Single for a few months, still trying to shake off the ex who you may see on Tinder wearing a Tom Baker DrWho scarf 😁

@NervesOfCotton Oh he is definitely both! Total player. He's very charming compared to English guys and to be honest I'm sure he gets lots of girls with low effort, also because he looks gooood. And he's clever and knows how to very subtly manipulate girls. For example, yesterday during the date, he was explaining something, using hand gestures, and for a few seconds found an excuse to move his fingers as though he was, erm, circling around some sensitive nerve endings 😇Completely out of context and didn't mention or overdo it, but I'm sure it wasn't an accident.

No way I'm sinking grey trackies low! I'll be in my heels and skirt next date, and if he still chooses to dress down, I'll look him up and down and smirk and say 'I see we dressed for different occasions' or something similar.

It's a weird dynamic now where I know and he knows that I have the power, but he will also know that I want him. He's got me to chase him and I want to flip that back round. But I also know he's all kinds of wrong, so willing to cut my losses. Got a few cheeky lines in my head.

What's your friend looking to achieve with the 'get the vibe you aren't interested' line? Is it bait for men to act more interested, even though they possibly aren't? Is he going on any dates?

@Nosdacariad that's a very particular kind of ex! What are doing to get over him? Any intriguing leads?

ElleintheWoods Ah he's definitely a player isn't he, sounds like fun
But yes, you've definitely got the upper hand as you 'know'. I'm not sure what you should/can do with that knowledge though!

Have you heard from him since yesterday?

My friend, is attracting the kinds of men who want to put in very little effort, they will meet for 1 date then ignore her for weeks/even months at a time, just vanish, apart from answer one of her 'I get the feeling you aren't interested' texts, to keep her hanging on. Then they appear again at some point for 1 more date, & so the cycle continues.

Nosdacariad Have you joined any sites?

@ElleintheWoods I was doing well then we ended up back in touch and he's trying to mess with my head.
@NervesOfCotton fb dating so far.
Optician not this sat but next. We'll see 🙂

Thanks for the lovely welcome!

Nosdacariad Sorry about your ex, they are so good at sliding back into our thoughts, right when we don't want them to, aren't they!

@Nosdacariad Ooh who is the optician? How did you meet?

Would you be open to cutting the ex off, or do you have genuine reasons why you need to be in touch?

@NervesOfCotton Yes, he texted. After midnight. And it wasn't 'did you get home ok?' kind of message at all. It's interesting with his change of strategy though. Starts off lovebombing and calling me 'babe', and now he is very sparing with his texts. I'd love to get inside his brain and figure out the game and the goals. I'll be honest, my goal is to have his hands on me asap, or quit. I sent him a flirty text and he hasn't replied about 5 hours, so when he finally does, the response will be of the 'you snooze you lose' variety.

Your friend... IME if the guy doesn't very quickly say he wants to go out again, they really aren't interested. Even Mr RedFlagParade said very quickly he wants a 2nd date. Could you influence her to drop them and pick new ones out of the fishpond?

ElleintheWoods No, she isn't wanting/isn't able to hear it. And when they eventually end it, she lets the next one do the same, So I'm just there for her.

Agree, MrRedFlagParade is playing one dodgy game now isn't he. Those late night texts say a lot & it sounds like he's about to lose out!

@ElleintheWoodsMrRedFlagParade sounds like he knows exactly what he’s doing. Do you think he’s actually interested in a relationship? And did he eventually reply to your text? I am admittedly now cheering for MrVolleyball, the more you post about him the better he sounds!

Well my guy who lives 2 hours away, who I shall call Mr Nomad, spent the weekend here and it was honestly the best weekend I’ve had in a long time. There was a lot of laughter and banter, he feels really easy to be around, and the chemistry is off the scale. I am very much embedded in the corporate world and usually date corporate types, while he owns a small agricultural business, but somehow we just seem to gel personality wise.

He did say that one reason he was so keen to see me so much now is that his business is very seasonal and unpredictable, he will basically be on call 24/7 for a few weeks once it starts to get busy, which is any time from now. So it’s possible I won’t see him again for a good few weeks, plus he’ll be moving 5 hours away mid Dec for a few months. I really like him a lot, definitely still wary of getting too emotionally invested, but enjoying it for what it is for now.

Thank you. I blocked him once but it didn't sit well.

@ElleintheWoods optician from fb he's younger and I feel like out of my looks league.

The ex, well yes I should...he has made many promises but none come to much.

@BoxOfCats Mr Nomad sounds promising 🙂

@BoxOfCats Mr Nomad sounds bloody amazing!! Also being open about being keen is a really nice trait. Even if it may not lead to happily ever after - though who knows - it’s really enjoyable, right? And stepping away from corporate types can make a nice change too, right? Hmmm, quite envious!!

Mr RedFlagParade, relationship? Naaah. He isn’t even hiding being a player. But I don’t want one with him, either. We just had some extremely interesting chats on the date, he’s extremely bright and a deep thinker.

But also he has the body of a god and he really turns me on, so frankly some heat is all I want. Sexual attraction to a guy is rare for me, so…

He’s very much a bit on the side while Mr Volleyball is relationship material

Thanks for the advice . Sorry if I’m not commenting on you individually - am still getting to know you all. So this guy I’ll call Mr Yorkshire - said he would phone today and then a date next weekend probably but nothing so far. And im not contacting him - so this is the start of it I guess - wondering and waiting! So good I have a couple more to respond to. The conversations where I’m asking all the questions and they reply with one or 2 words - not wasting time on those any more like what’s the point in them. If they don’t ask anything about me then they are gone. Except for one real cutie who only sends me voice messages - he doesn’t text - but he has a gorgeous voice and I love his London accent - he hasn’t asked anything I think but he responds if I volunteer info or ask him something . Probably a waste of time but… do you all stick with them if they take like 12’hours or more to reply

I’m still getting the nutters 🤦‍♀️
lastest one , started off promising, but his texts were weird as in, “want date u” “meet u”
this was from a 57yr old .
i asked him to text that made sense, did not go down well, said he wasn’t surprised I was still single , blocked him .
on the plus side I have a date for Wednesday.

@libraukoh wow!!! That is nuts isn’t it🤣god and so rude as well!!! So who are you meeting on Wednesday.

@Ceci693
a much younger man lol 😝
he seems nice enough
asks all the right questions etc
so we shall see 😀

Ah ok good luck! Have mentally switched off Mr Yorkshire telling my brain it was only 1 very long phone call so if he ghosts me so be it. It’s annoying when you’re chatting to someone on the site and then they just disappear. I thought I was having a good convo with someone and then he just stops texting. I’ve got about 4/5 on the go now. Or possible date - he said he’s out tonight so I’m not messaging him

@Ceci693
thank you
we have all been where you are now
just keep going with ones that show some interest
and bin the others .
i have started using the Haystack method, as to wether it works or not time will tell.
so on the apps, like Bumble, POF, Tinder, instead of just swiping left , you block the ones of no interest, and this is meant to change the algorithms, to your preference
it is a tad time consuming, but hey chatting to someone who is wasting your time is consuming as well 😀