Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

A guys first message to me on hinge just now "wow you've aged beautifully for (inset age). Hes 10 years younger. Am I right to take that as an insult. A bit of negging perhaps?

🤨 well either way, I don't think it's a very well chosen first message to send someone...!! Jesus what's wrong with people

@Springslopes12I think it’s a clumsy attempt at a compliment

what happened to this thread, almost deserted! It used to be so vibrant

People have stopped dating perhaps as its so dire!

Seriously! I think lot of us may have given up!

Yep, definitely Dire, been back on em, had a couple of dates,both nice men, the second man, two dates, on the second date, he went to kiss me, and I just recoiled , maybe I’m used to being on my own too much now ?
have deleted apps again, but just prior to deleting one, I got chatting to another, no pic in profile, which always annoys me and a bit of a red flag, anyway got chatting, very flirty , knows what he wants, but now I’m wondering, if it just love bombing ?
and he texts constantly, and when I stop , he tells me he missed me ?
and he wants me ?? I just don’t know what to make of this guy, oh he did send me a pic, once we left the app, and he is an attractive man , ugh , not sure where this is gonna go ???

I was reminded of this thread on another thread! Used to be a prolific poster, but now in a relationship. Chance meeting out in the wild, I had pretty much given up on OLD.

@oldernotwiserffsCongrats on your news! 😊

No profile pic is a major red flag! Is he married and doesnt want people knowing hes on there or is he a catfish. Along with the ultra clingy messages! He misses you? He hardly knows you, so I would avoid at all costs!

@Crushed23thank you! Would love to hear an update on how you’re getting on x

@Springslopes12 thanks, he has now been blocked , another stunt he pulls, when I finish the convo, he says … I’ll leave you be, good luck.
yeah mate no luck for you 😀

Yeah, all going well thanks! Mr Rave (I suppose I should use his initials now 😅) and I are 8 months in and having lots of fun. We kind of ‘get’ each other better now and even laugh at each other’s jokes, which is great considering we’re so so different.

We can’t move in together until mid-2027 when he finishes his Masters, but we’ve talked about trialling living together next summer for 3 months for the university holidays. I’ve also dropped a massive hint on wanting to get engaged in 2026 if things are still going well, so hopefully that’s something we do after we’ve passed the living together test! I wasn’t bothered about marriage before, but due to my precarious ex-pat status, I think it makes sense to get that kind of security before starting a family here.

What’s the latest with you & Mr Tradie? Living together, getting married etc.? Obviously the baby is the biggest commitment 😍 so glad it all worked out!

Update on my earlier post. Went for dinner last night with the guy who lives 2 hours away and had FaceTimed last weekend. And he turned out to be just as attractive, funny and articulate in person as he was on video, if not more so. The chemistry was most definitely there in person, so much so that he ended up staying over 😬🫣

He is staying with a friend this weekend in the city I live in. But we are planning to meet up again this weekend before he leaves. Unsure how it might work in the long run with the distance, but for now it’s just so nice to finally meet someone it feels like I have proper chemistry with.

Love this. Enjoy the ride

@BoxOfCats that's nice! If nothing else, it gives you hope that what you're looking for is out there! What do you like about him?

Alright, I am having a strange time... Anyone else? Is it maybe cuffing season? I'm late 30s. I used to think I should date guys around age 45, that that's my bracket now.

As you may know, I've been off the apps a long time now and as a result probaby improved my social skills/ more 'on the hunt' in the wild.

What is strange is that I get approached and noticed A LOT lately. This weekend alone I've been chatted up by 2 attractive guys. And many guys that approach me are around 10 years younger than me, a couple have certainly been early 20s and kind of done it as a dare, knowing they had no real chance.

A few examples from September:

• Was in a 'buzzy' cafe having a morning coffee, got approached by 2 men separately, went on a date with one
• Night out with friends, an objectively gorgeous guy who later turned out to be an athlete asked me to dance and now we're apparently going on a date
• On a shopping street in London, approached in a nice way by a guy with an arsty vibe, complimented my fashion
• In long-distance trains, been chatted up by the person sitting opposite, most recently this was a woman who asked me out
• Work colleague asked me for a coffee

Is this a September thing? Is this normal? Not that I mind as I'm meeting interesting guys, but I almost feel like I have a 'chat me up' sign blinking on my forehead? I've not had a makeover or anything, suppose I make more of an effort with my hair now, and wear short skirts more.

Somebody please tell me you are having similiar experiences?! Any major city girlies noticing this weird trend of keen younger guys?

Blocked part 2
I had blocked that chap on sms messenger
last night quite late got a WhatsApp message from him, it was a pleasant message , well I think it was him?
checked this morning , 2 different mobile numbers , but linked ?
I was not aware that this could happen? But have found out , you need to block from WhatsApp separately, so he has now been blocked 🚫
hope that is the end, I’m not on the app , that I met him on.

@ElleintheWoodsThere’s the ‘usual’ stuff I guess - attractive, smart, funny, considerate etc. The physical chemistry is definitely there for sure. But beyond that it’s what I can only describe as “personality chemistry” - conversations feel really easy, there’s been a lot of banter and we appear to have the same sense of humour, that kind of thing.

There is a catch, which is that the place he lives in currently (2 hours away) is somewhere he only spends 3 months of the year in as he runs a very seasonal business. The rest of the year he’s either travelling abroad or staying in another place he has about 5 hours away. He’s been quite up front about this, the fact he’s unsure how another person fits into his current lifestyle setup, that he’s been wondering about staying in one place more permanently but understands if the current situation doesn’t work for me. So I’m happy to give things a go and see where it goes, but am feeling conscious not to invest too much emotionally for now.

Sounds like you have found your mojo, maybe you are just emotionally sending good vibes into the universe! 😄 How exciting for you!

@BoxOfCats Is it important for you to have someone that you will be able to see very regularly, or would you be open to something a little less frequent but with more intense reunions? Could him travelling and living somewhere else open up the opportunity for you to travel more, or are you quite tied down by life commitments?

Could be quite exciting - unless domestic bliss is a big goal.

I've recently decided that for me, actually, with the right person I'd be willing to be more flexible, also as finding my perfect match in my current city seems quite unlikely.

The personality chemistry sounds amazing :) Those are the best, when you can be yourself, relax and have fun. Enjoy!

Evening All,

Just had first date with the guy who I met OL. We chatted on the phone and got on really well. However, when we met up he looked very, very different from his profile and I just didn’t fancy him. We chatted for a couple of hours and got on really well. We have so much in common. However, I couldn’t get over the lack of physical attraction.

He did txt to ask if he could see me again. I said ‘yes’ as friends. I would happily meet as friends. He was sweet about it but, I feel really bad and very shallow…

Have I done the right thing?

@Daisydoggs id probably keep him as a friend but be clear about the attraction thing. However this happened to a friend of mine, the guy was shorter, chubbier and had bad teeth. Decided to just be friends. They got married a year later. Hes a great guy.

@ElleintheWoods im interested to know why you think you are single given you are meeting this many men who are asking you out, as you say 10+ men have been asking you out randomly in real life in one month alone?

@Daisydoggs Yes absolutely. Different from his pictures how though, do you think it was deliberate? And if no malice then do you think attraction could grow or is that not your thing?

@Petra42 I don't know if I am strange or not, but I very rarely feel attraction towards people, in the sense of 'I want to kiss that person' or more. I really felt that for someone about a year ago, and previously about 4-5 years ago. I am open to getting to know people, but it takes me a good while to feel attraction towards someone to the point of feeling comfortable acting romantic and intimate. That's why OLD never really worked for me.

With the guys I am meeting, most very quickly become 'no, not for me'. Just because someone chats you up doesn't make them a suitable date. A few examples:

• Man who is about 10 years older, seems very focused on his businesses, very right-wing politics, gives off the vibe of being a bit of a playboy. Went on a hell of a romantic first date but hard no from me
• Man who is very very intense and keen from the off, essentially lovebombing, already acting a bit possessive like 'who are you with' and texting at odd hours
• Man who had a strong tech bro vibe, big muscles, Rolex, tight designer clothes... Just not my kind of person, I'm not attracted to Tate

There is one guy I do like from those, but it's hard to tell if he's genuinely interested. When we went out, it was pure fireworks, just kept talking, smiling, non-stop eye contact, lots in common, really lovely personality, open, helpful, warm, and very attractive. However, he lives several hours away and he is currently very, very busy with work and stressed. He has actually asked to video call me a couple of times this month and stays on for ages and it's very nice. However, messages are very sporadic, so I've almost written him off, also because I would like someone who's a bit more present and not a full-on workaholic.

Basically, I want to feel something before progressing something with someone, and I'm not open to dating people where I feel the vibe is off/ they're a bit unhinged.

Hi can I join the thread please.
Back online and had a “look see” tonight.
We’ve been texting all week and spoken on the phone 3 times so I knew we’d get ok.
for context we are in our 50’s I’ve been out of my 27 yr relationship for 6 yrs and had one 2 year relationship since but single 3 years. He was seperated (but living in same house) for 18 months but divorced for 5 mths now and has his own place. I was his first date in 30 years.

We got on well, I don’t think the attraction was super there for me but I like him and we chatted happily for nearly 4 hours. He says he really enjoyed meeting me and wants to see me again.

My yellow flags are

1. he drank 3 pints and drove home.
2. His wife has blocked him and his adult kids are barely speaking to him ( he says he’s never cheated he just fell out of love with her). Kids weren’t happy they had to relocate when house sold.
3. Does he just like me because he’s a kid in a new candy shop so to speak. He was quite tactile. I’m looking for something long term hopefully. Would he really want to give it a go with his first date in 30 years if things progress.

I must say the dating pool in my age group is just as depressing as the last time on went online. What is it with all the very unattractive bare chest pics 🤢. I get ptsd everytime I see a nipple now 😬.

@ElleintheWoodsThat’s a good approach, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about dating yes to trust your gut. If the vibe is off, it will be for a good reason!

I value quality time with someone but I’m not in a rush to move in again with a partner anytime soon. I do have the means and some flexibility to be able to travel for weekends etc, but due to work am very much stuck living in my current city unless I want to change careers. It’s fine for now but I’m also conscious it will be tricky to spend big chunks of time together so will just have to see how it goes.

@coronade totally agree with you about the depressing dating pool. I’m just out of a year long dating thing and signed up to fb dating just to have a look whilst I get back into it all. Beginning to wish I’d not bothered 🤣😭

Yellow? These are red!!!
He was drink driving and that's on a first date. Imagine when hes more comfortable.
His kids not speaking to him is a red flag. They wouldn't not speak to him for no reason!