Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Oh no, what happened?

Oh thanks for asking. Over 28 months it became clear that he lied like he was breathing. The two fattest lies were about how long he had been single when we met (he said approx 2 years it turned out to be two weeks if that) and whether he had debts (he said a grand on two credit cards, it was a DMP). Also whether he could see well enough to drive - he was driving when we met and probably is now, but he stopped driving three months in and the day he left he let slip his "double vision" was because he wasn't sure if he wanted to fund a car. So I became his chauffeuse

I made some big mistakes (coming out of the death of my husband). I moved him in too soon (so I could support him through cancer treatment as we were long distance). I ignored what were some terrible red flags. We live and learn🙂

Last week he was saying he would do ANYTHING to get back together becwuse he LOVED me while being on tinder with a pic I took at Christmas!

I did haha I had no make up on and my hair looked a mess!
We were talking about our gyms but I go to a female only one so wont bump into him there! My sister goes to his gym so I could go along with her as a guest but no clue when he goes. Oh well :( it was a good chat at least and restored some of my faith that I can have positive interactions with men still!

@Rosiecidar Hmmm depends, I did the same. I also deliberately used images of me that weren't online so people couldn't reverse search, and wouldn't tell anyone my full name unless actually properly dating - so basically, from my online dating era, only one guy knows my full name! I'd never name the village I live either, would just put the nearest town/city for privacy reasons. Such little details shouldn't matter before you've properly met someone, unless he lives in Leeds and you'd only date someone in Manchester or nearby, is it actually important for dating purposes?

Once I know someone a bit and there's trust, I'd disclose personal details. There's all kinds of crazies online, I've been stalked and dealt with stalking cases via work, and people met via online dating haven't exactly screamed 'totally stable' to me. One was so loose with personal information I'm so glad I didn't disclose my identity.

It also puts me off if someone literally says 'this is my full name, I work in x company, and my family and friends' names are ...'. It would make me consider how cautious they'd be with my personal info.

@Nosdacariad not necessarily, I smile with no teeth for pictures. Teeth are fine but I just look like a serial killer when I smile with teeth out on pics, so... Know your angles 😉

I’ve just found out the guy I was dating is having unprotected sex with both men and women. I’ve obviously ended it as he said he was only being intimate with me . Just a warning ladies you can never be too careful.

I feel quite strongly that this kind of behaviour means you didn't give full and informed consent.

Hope you are recovering xxx

Agreed

How did you find out? Thats terrible, I'm sorry

I was just re reading whatsapps (I know!) from meeting my ex (tinder) in early 2023.

It's amazing how warm and active he sounded, when he literally just watches reels and tv all day and only does the very bare minimum to keep his job.

So easy to present a completely different character.

The coke user that I've just dumped was the same. Absolutely eloquent, emotionally aware and seemed totally intentional in his early messages and conversations!

Facebook! Of all places.

My last boyfriend was an old friend from childhood, who I trusted completely. He was lying to me from day one of our relationship, highly manipulative, controlling, isolated me, cheated on me. I couldn't see it when I was in it; emotional abuse can be really insidious. I'm still recovering 18 months later, and he's now happily shacked up with the woman he cheated with, of course. Every woman needs to learn about patterns of behaviour in controlling men; it's a lesson I'll never forget.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0hj410j

So sorry @GinaWhoLikesADrink .

It is astonishing how manipulative people can be, I always thought I wouldn't fall for it and I was so wrong.

How long do you give it before you decide if there is a spark there or not?

I’ve had two dates with a guy who seems lovely, emotionally available, ticking all of the boxes. Just not sure I’m feeling any chemistry? But I’m aware the previous guy I went on a few dates with, the chemistry was through the roof and he turned out to be emotionally unavailable. So it’s no indicator.

We had one quick kiss at the end of date 2 but I think it took me a but by surprise and I really felt nothing!

Are you enjoying his company?

@nosdacariadWe are only 2 dates in. He seems nice, we appear to want to same things, there hasn’t been a shortage of conversation. It’s hard to say this early on if there is anything more to it beyond friendly conversation though?

So it can't hurt to have another date.

You're not saying you have the ick?

I always find it easier to mole if it’s a definite no rather than a maybe yes.

Sk if you’re enjoying his company why not go on one more date and see if there’s a tiny attraction?

@twistedwonderYes agree a definite no is much easier!

I was going to suggest a 3rd date to him, I suppose I was just wondering how long is a fair amount of time to give it. I guess it’s just giving it a chance to feel like we’ve had enough time to get to know each other? I’m conscious that immediate chemistry isn’t always possible (or even desirable) but at the same time physical chemistry is really important so it’s just striking a balance. He also seems super keen on me so I don’t want to lead him on unfairly.

Think I’m having a string of bad luck. Had a date planned for Wednesday, the guy seemed really enthusiastic days leading up to it. He cancelled the morning of and no message since.

Had another one planned for yesterday but no message from the guy at all so never went ahead.

No more dates planned.
Was hoping bank holiday weekend was going to be eventful! Hope everyone else is having a better time 🙏

Haven’t posted for a while as I guess I’m in a relationship now and not just dating but since I started the thread I thought I’d update you all…I’m pregnant! Only 2 weeks since conception so super early days but happy news 🥳

@oldernotwiserffs
congratulations, wishing you all the best for the future.

@oldernotwiserffs congratulations! a thread baby. Though im old enough to remember there was another before

Hello 👋🏼 new to the thread - just getting back into dating after divorce. What a blinkin rollercoaster.

I met a guy at a friends party who I clicked with, and asked him out - he’s away for a few weeks so we added on socials and continued chatting.

The chat is funny and nice, and after a bit got quite…spicy - I liked it and there was lots of checking consent and boundaries etc, but wasn’t sure how to get back to normal chat afterwards 😅😬 we’re going to FaceTime this weekend - I think he’s worried we’ve moved too fast.

Not sure what I’m asking but I like him and don’t think he’s a chancer (I’ve casually checked with the mutual friends from the party).

Is this weird or ok I guess is what I’m asking? I’ve not dated or text flirted for decades!

Sounds great @Poppity3 just go for it.