Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Petra42 @CosmicScouser Yeah I agree with the big kid comparison.

I’m not looking for kids and someone to depend on in the traditional way, as I’m very independent, and in terms of emotional support he was amazing. He’d just sit for hours and listen to me, focused.

But yes, still, things like paying your bills on time and maintaining a decent credit score, or remembering your partner’s birthday (I mean… maybe buy a diary and use it! Or does it not work either?) or either texting back immediately or not at all… They’re still things many would struggle to not be hurt by or interpret as ‘they don’t care’.

I just wonder what it’s like dating as ND. Looking at the upcoming generation, looks like maybe half the kids are ND (just anecdotal evidence from various experiences, not actual data, but it seems so prevalent). Are ND people better off with others with similar traits, or is it genuinely better to have a relationship where people have different strengths and weaknesses?

I think it was the author of Scatterbrain that described some ways in which she was really difficult to be in a relationship with.

You definitely get better at recognising it as you get older, but also I think I’ve had four children
The reason I didn’t have five was because I had enough things to look after. I’m not signing up to be a nurse with a purse which is what a heck of a lot of them are looking for online.

@ElleintheWoods this is a question ive asked myself plus on other threads - would an ND person suit a relationship with another ND person or would they drive each other mad? I see a hell of a lot of ND people on online dating and they often mention it in their profiles. I can safely say i was happiest with my ND partner, moreso than anyone else however i believe it worked because we lived in a bubble. Once you add in the complexities of life, it all came crashing down. Also, children arent predictable in any way so bring a whole new level of uncertainty into these types of relationships and i believe the man can then not cope well.

This man you have met is hyper focussed on you - and that's exhilarating to feel however i believe that is just the initial stages. If you arent bothered by the heavy stuff like kids or building a life/home together, then it can be the most wonderful of relationships, but if you are, then id probably think very carefully.

I'm not swooping in. I organise, and as my job requires the same skills it's not hard for me and I don't mind. What is harder is the isolation - socialising as a couple is very tricky. Wrt support when I need it, I've relied more on family, friends and just pushing through it. I know what you mean @Petra42 about the hyper-focus. Still there after twenty years though.

Hump day.
Weekend in sight.
I have date #2 with Richard on Friday.
Anyone else got something lined up?

How did it go @CosmicScouser? I have date 1 today, fingers crossed!

So had date number 1 with a guy really nice date and planned date 2, date 2 was 4 hours, talked for ages and were using the phrase about next time in fact him probably a little more than me but when we said goodbye it was very much bye and no plans for another date. I just felt we actually had a connection...

@Rosiecidar was it by any chance more of a friendship connection? Was there any flirting or some kind of hinting from you both that you liked each other more than friends?

I feel absolutely furious. Messed around by a player. On off for months - non committal to even a girlfriend - my fault. But the connection felt right unfortunately. 2 weeks today he ‘hooked up’ with me - within a week and 2 days wrote to say he’d met someone else, but ‘valued our friendship’ Be warned. Sports consultancy professional in west sussex, mid fifties. I wonder whether the new woman realises what he was up to with me the day before or weeks before. Maybe she’s reading this. To ladies out there - if the comms dry up at all .. you are not his one.

Agh @Blues6567 I’m so sorry, that’s really shit.

@Rosiecidar have you heard anything more from him or is that it now? Ugh why do they give such mixed signals

I’ve got date 3 this week. He’s very sweet, lots of messages (but not oppressive) and no game playing so far. I actually couldn’t have asked for a nicer introduction back into dating.

@0TheFool no, haven't heard back, so another on the pile of disappointment. I need to not be so invested. But it's that conundrum between being interested and showing it and protecting myself.
Good luck with date 3...

Question, I am messaging a guy. If a picture looks professional, I will feed it into Google images and find their name and basically check them out. So one guy in a message said he worked in the law (changed for this post) but actually he's in the IT department of a law firm and then said he loved in X town but actually he lives in a village (quite well known). I am not sure why you would gild those things, you can easily say I work in IT for a law firm and I live at X.

Sorry, my question was, does this seem slippery?

Hi!

Hope you're all doing ok!

So I have had two dates with Richard now (his real name isn't Richard btw haha) and a third one lined up for this week.

He is SO LOVELY. We have so much in common, it's crazy. Just wanna talk to each other about everything, all the time.

Would have seen him more but I have had a heavy social and work schedule.

I know I'm only 2 dates in but I have got such a lovely feeling about him and I think we will end up spending a lot of time together... 💕

The village thing I can understand. Villages are small! If I lived in a village I wouldn't disclose specifically where I lived either.

The job though, that's a bit strange. Potentially deliberately misleading but tricky to say when I don't know what the job in question actually is

@Rosiecidar I’d say not necessarily. In my early chats with the guy I’m dating I said which company I worked for but not exactly what I did, I was also a bit vague about where I lived, just because I didn’t know him well enough to give all the details. Of course it’s possible he’s got something to hide though.

ah @CosmicScouser that sounds really promising!

Awh, Im sorry.

Now said person is no longer holding you back from meeting someone better suited at least xx

He's just trying to let you know he get paid a lot of money. Unless its a six figure sum you dont get much interest. The same with his height. Everyone puts over six foot because if you don't you'll get zero interest.

Hmm, he's described the industry even though he doesn't work in the industry...so he said he works in finance but he's in IT...and he originally said he lived on a certain train line and I asked whether he lived in x place and he said no y place when it turns out to be Z place.
I hate it when people say where they work because it sounds more impressive than what they do...

Hmm. He might just be cautious about revealing his exact location to a stranger. Or, he could be hiding something. Impossible to tell right now.

Re work. Again, still tricky to tell.

I would put both these topics aside for now and see what I thought of the rest of him, but I would bear them in mind still...

@Rosiecidar oh I see, so that’s an outright lie then. My first thought is he might not be single?

Mine came crashing down after 2 and a half lovely months.
I ignored red flags about alcohol and drugs.
Trust your gut. I should have listened to mine. His bumble pics were at least 5 years old when we met. He did send me an upto date pic just before we met. I called him out for being overly effusive on Whatsapp and when we first talked. I got love bombing vibes from early doors but then it calmed. But I think he is a coke head. Can't prove it but I am highly suspicious. Ex raver in his 50s.
I loved him so much.

Hi everyone, I've been on here before. Not had many dates since I left my ex partner last October. Had 2 dates. Both I ended up not taking it further.
Done the OLD and its dire. No connections. When I do match the conversation is dry!!

Yesterday I had an electrical check. Opened my door and my jaw hit the floor. He thought i wasn't expecting him, I was but he was extremely good looking and younger than the people they usually send 😂 he was instantly chatty and seemed really nice. We had a lot in common. He delayed his next job he said so it wouldn't drag later in the day or something but we just chatted the whole time. Turned out hes roughly 10 or more years younger than me!
Im annoyed I didnt pry to see if he was single but then I wouldn't want to push professional boundaries if he wasn't or didnt want to speak to me further. He did give me some compliments though and was asking questions to see if I did the gardening all myself etc.
Its just so annoying that the one good conversation and attraction I've found is in real life and he was my electrican sent by his company! Argh!

Hello, I just broke up with someone met on Tndr - he's back on there already. Cocklodger without the 🍆

Anyone else freaked by all the photos with closed mouth smiles?

Does it always mean bad/no teeth?

Omg I would die. Hmm.. you should have given him some way he'd be able to run into you again when he's not working or something!!!