Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thank you for your kind words-yes it was x

Glad to hear!! Are you still going on dates? x

I had one (late 50’s) day he could never date a woman who owned big Bridget Jones knickers

I replied that many women wear them as they give fitted clothes a smoother silhouette. He replied ‘is the a polite way of saying hide their fat gut’

And he wasn’t exactly a stick insect himself - obviously I unmatched and blocked but wtf do they think when they say this crap.

@ElleintheWoods - I’m nearly 60 and was previously married for 23 years so I’m at a very different life stage.

I’ve been 100% single since March 2020 - had probably a dozen dates in that time of which 3 led to a second date but nothing further than that.

Am I missing anything? Tbh not really. Occasional sex would be nice but I’ve never been able to have casual sex I have to feel a proper connection before I’m attracted enough to sleep with someone and I’ve not met anyone in the last 5 years that makes me feel that way.

It is not just on OLD, that men seem to form an opinion of a woman
i play an online quiz, and you play one to one, been playing against the chap for sometime, I assumed he was male from his name, just after new year, he sent me a message, asking where I was from, I replied, and he said he used to live there, he then went to ask for my number, which I refused, he wanted to meet for coffee, I said no thanks, he kept asking , I played along , and said I would need to see a photo of him, before any meeting etc, which he said I he would need my number, but I said it was easy to change on the app, anyway after that, this was his reply, I was gobsmacked 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

ElleintheWoods I've never heard of that show but it sounds good!
Yes I've had men say to me 'What's the point in bothering to try, it never leads to a date'. And I get it, I do. I feel like that at times too, but you still don't have to be rude/unkind/judgemental etc.

@TwistedWonder
i am same as you, but a few yrs older, was in a relationship for nearly 20yrs(10 Married)
it has been 5 yrs, on my own, and agree with you , some company would be nice, but OLD is just so draining.
i don’t know if it is a pro or a con,but I’m lucky enough ,not to look my age, but I have no interest in men my age , and the younger ones well, they all seem to love bomb me 🤦‍♀️

I look younger than my age - most people think I’m late 40’ early 50’s. I seem to attract much younger men or pensioners with zero self awareness.

The worst examples I recall are the 5ft 3 79 year old who resembled Dobby and the very very overweight one who was a dead ringer for fat bastard from Austin powers asking if I was interested in S&M

The ones I’ve met in the wild are no better either

librauk Wow, he's nice, isn't he! Sooo much of that, isn't there 'I can see why you are single'.

What do they want us to say? 'Yes, stranger, you must be right as you seem so wise, that must be the exact reason that I'm single. Now will you please put me out of my misery & marry me? As I'm sure nobody else will. Please?'

FFS.

What an absolute dickhead. There’s a very true saying - you always see a man’s true colours when you say no to him.

So I’ve had 6 dates with a great guy, messages me daily. However, it feels like I’m just meeting a friend! Gives me a peck on the lips and that’s it. I’m starting to lose interest just because I feel it isn’t going anywhere, is it just me or is this slow?! I’m tempted to say something but not sure what or how! Honestly, dating is such a headache

Hi all, interesting discussion on time to date. My most recent partner called time due to us not having enough time to date. We were seeing each other every weekend for 2 nights plus a couple of evenings a week (not staying over in week). I had small children but he had none. I think a lot of men don't have that childcare responsibilities and want that ability to spontaneously go away for a week every month or in my case, my ex wanted a more full time partner who was with him all the time.

I'm starting to dip into Bumble/Tinder. Getting some likes/matches but finding its me asking the questions. I tend to unmatch if this happens twice in a chat! I suspect then it's just they accidentally swiped on me and aren't interested enough to chat more! My ex and I had instant chemistry so part of me wants that again but the other part is saying be realistic!

@justanotherboymum are you flirting with him, touching hands etc. Id instigate or else jokingly mention that it feels a bit friendlike. I dated a guy who i had a wild time with, but when we broke up, he told me he was actually someone who just wanted company rather than a full on relationship. So yes, there's a lot of people out there who just like company of the opposite sex.

Yes that’s true, maybe he just wants company. I’d be happy to just be friends as we have great chats but I need to know where I stand! Good idea to mention it jokingly, I’ll do that next time and see what he says 😀

Just recently started online dating. One thing I’m unsure about is the level of contact / messaging people expect? Smartphones weren’t a thing back when I was last properly single.

I’ve had 3 dates over a couple of weeks with Mr Charismatic. Initially we were messaging every day, even if it was just 1-2 messages. Haven’t heard from him the last 2 days since I last saw him, but know he’s also been busy.

I think I’m also a bit paranoid because the last 2 guys I dated from OLD, we made it to 3 dates and then they basically messaged and said they weren’t keen to take things further. So that’s definitely playing into my anxiety!

@BoxOfCats I keep coming back to a point i read here ages ago, if someone likes you, they want to lock things in as soon as possible and get you off the market. If someone hasn't got the time to send a quick text in 2 days, I would probably assume not that interested.

@Petra42Yes this is my fear I suppose. But also conscious we are 2.5 weeks and 3 dates in. Both in our 40s. He runs a business and is having to put a lot of extra hours in at the moment while someone is off sick. So just unsure if 48 hours is perfectly normal not to hear from someone at this point and I’m just overthinking. Argh!

Have to agree with @Petra42 - if you’re interested, you want to let them know and keep communication up so no reply after 48 hours I’d be moving on.

Seems I posted about 20 mins too soon as he just messaged me! 😄

@TwistedWonder @librauk @NervesOfCotton I do think some of it is pathological, they don't actually want a date they just want to say something mean and feel better bout themselves. Akin to being a young woman and having a bloke shout 'you're not as pretty as you think you are' from a car window.

I'm also only interested in proper connection only, so willing to wait it out. Last time I had a proper connection was just a year ago, so I know it's possible.

@justanotherboymum Hmmm... Some men are just really respectful/ a tad conservative, or almost wait for a very obvious green light. I've been told by men retrospectively that they assumed I wasn't interested in them, as I wasn't giving any signals. I just generally tend to talk, I don't do anything 'seductive', but I'm also used to men that are perhaps even a little predatory, when I think back, lots of decisive full-on surprise kissing, sex I didn't know to expect etc. 2000s dating, eh!

So either your guy just isn't that sexual, or he wants to feel safe in terms of knowing you're definitely into it before even kissing you properly. Perhaps some techniques to try to find out whether he's just holding back, or genuinely just a friend?

@BoxOfCats think the messaging really varies. I'm really into messaging so a guy that doesn't want to message quite a lot would have no chance with me. But also I know some people that really don't like to message a lot, plenty of men that just don't know how to text (but might be ok in person/ over calls) or think it's too much/ has no real purpose.

Think it comes down to your preference also, if you like a few messages a day but the other person wants to leave you hourly voicenotes, it might simply be too large a gap in comms styles.

@ElleintheWoodsThanks for your reply. Yes you’re right, it’s so individual isn’t it. I think he just has a lot on his plate at the moment. He’s great in person, has always indicated at the end of each date that he’s keen to catch up again and did actually end up messaging me back and forth for a bit last night. Which is fine with me, I think on reflection I’m just being overly sensitive.

So today we reached a new low.

Waiting for the bus upto work i got talking to this 63 ye old woman who had won big at the bingo. Anyway, she was quite drunk and said to me that she likes younger man and that she'd be really interested in me, I just "need to grow about six inches'.

So thats been a real boost to my confidence

She’s a drunken idiot. You can ignore those quite happily. It’s when you arrive at the Restaurant Stone cold sober and they say something similar you know that you’ve reached a real low.

Thatsthebottomline Try to forget about it. In her head, she probably thought that she was being oh so hilarious. It's not a reflection on you as a person.

Just found out that a guy I chatted to for a couple of weeks and had several phone calls with passed away at the weekend.

It’s a strange feeling as we never actually met. We did arrange a date but as it got closer, I just wasn’t feeling it. We did occasionally drop each other ‘how are you’ messages on WhatsApp, the lady one being April this year.

He was only 55 - it’s just very sad