@TwistedWonder Yes I get you... I've been single in the sense of not being in a proper committed relationship for a few years now, although I've been in love and seeing a couple of people, and increasingly it seems like a sacrifice to be in one?!
I see people do the 'couples' routine and lifestyle and it doesn't really seem desirable to me right now, I love drifting in and out of it but not sure I'd like to live it. I see different men for activities and meals very regularly (platonic) and sometimes I amuse myself with thinking how it might be to date them, and about 20 seconds in I'm very much thinking 'haha, oh my god, definitely not!!'
Think as I'm nearly 40 and more set in my ways, I'd only really let someone in properly if I'm rather obsessed with them, sexually very attracted, and they have a very similar lifestyle to me.
Is there anything you feel you're missing? Are you still open to something very casual?
@NervesOfCotton Hmmm yes really hard to tell what 'active' means! But suppose their listed hobbies and pictures of them kayaking/ running/ climbing, or not, would probably help in getting a fuller picture.
Just thinking, are you maybe shooting yourself in the foot by excluidng 'active'? Because I feel like people use the word 'active' to exclude the couch potatoes. A huge amount of people literally come home, chill on the sofa and eat, rarely leave the house etc. You say you are hugely attracting those kinds of types. But maybe it's because you filter out the others, ones that have a bit of get-up-and-go, 'don't want to waste the day' in them? IMO we are not the majority, when I tell people I'm out at 7am doing stuff they look at me like I'm mental.
Many men also become huge homebodies as they age, so maybe in fact 'active' is your type from what you describe? Unless they are specific about wanting a mountaneering buddy 😂
@justanotherboymum @NervesOfCotton see I make a distinction, I think. There's 2 men last few years that I was really into, let's call them Mr Mechanic and Mr Workcrush.
I couldn't get enough of them and would have taken a holiday or reorganised my week to see them, wouldn't have minded if I missed the last train or incurred a parking fine due to being with them. I'd have wanted to see them even if I'd had a crap day and was tired, because they gave me peace and comfort.
When I tried to play the numbers game of dating, I realised it was very rare to feel that way. So I got to a point where I realised that if I wasn't aching to see someone and fitting them in felt like a task or I was unsure, rather than have my heart jumping wth joy, I was wasting their time.
Likewise, if someone had already met me a few times, and pushing dates with me around, I picked up they were never going to love me and just stopped making time.
Just based on my own feelings, I'd say that maybe I don't have time to 'date' generally as in regular outings in the hope of meeting someone, but for someone that gives me the right feeling I'd make time/ prioritise, even if I'm time-poor.
Let's not forget that dating has a financial cost as well as time investment, too.