Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

while swiping on bumble my ex popped up. My petty behind reported him and they just sent a message saying he’s been removed 🤣

I hate seeing exes on apps, hope that they haven’t seen me! Last one I saw had awful selfies so that made me laugh a bit! Question: how often do people tend to message between dates? Date planned but haven’t heard from them for a few days and wondering if that’s a sign he’s not as keen or just usual in the early stages? Could be either way but just wondered what the norm is

Bumble are cutting 30% of their staff.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cql0y67qql1o

I don't like the new thing on Bumble where they keep making you look at the 'Must see' profiles. Took me ages to work out where the 'People who like me' had gone (not that I ever match with anybody anymore!) but these 'Must see' ones, I've had the same man sitting on there for a week. I've 'seen' him

Very quiet over here!

is anyone going on any dates/ met someone promising? It’s summer ladies, let’s make the most of it 😉

ElleintheWoods Not me! But I don't like it when it's this hot. I can barely function let alone date!

I'm having a few that 'like' me on Hinge but there's always a 'but'.

How are things going for you?

You reported him….because he’s on a dating app?

What do you all think of 'celebs' on dating sites? I've seen a couple & wonder if they are genuinely 'them'.

I heard Sheridan Smith and that girl from Countdown met their partners on a non-Raya dating app.

Hmmm I dunno, I guess everyone gets lonely? In their shoes I’d take some privacy precautions though (well actually I’d say everyone should take them).

Would you date a celeb?

What are the ‘buts’ on Hinge?

I’ve met someone with potential that I quite fancy, he lives very far though, but he’s proactive and respectful in the loveliest way. Actual dates a challenge due to distance at the moment but we shall see, maybe we’ll work a few more dates out… Otherwise just generally socialising and seeing if I get talking to anyone I could fall for

ElleintheWoods the 'buts' are generally smoking or drinking too much (if they keep mentioning alcohol & all of their photos include alcohol) or I recognise them from other Apps & remember why we weren't a match.

I have 'liked' a couple of the celebs who I vaguely recognise but don't really know who they are without googling.

Is the distance always going to be an issue or could a move be on the horizon for either of you?

@NervesOfCotton Oh yes the smoking and drinking… Do you drink socially or not at all? It seems to be compulsory for people on dating apps to have at least one pic of themselves with some sort of beverage to say ‘I’m fun and go out!!’

Last few of guys I attempted to date, that was an issue. One got drunk every weekend, despite being lovely otherwise. Another got drunk alone occasionally on hard liquor and smoked weed - hard no for me. Another, the one I really wanted, aged 32 still went out til the small hours every weekend with the boys, spent a lot of money on social drinking, and regular smoker. In a way I thought, and still think, I could look past this with him, but unsure if I really could have.

Can I have your thoughts as to why it’s a big red flag? Also do you think people’s lifestyles change when coupled up?

Distance would always be an issue, I think a move would only be feasible if it gets very serious. He lives a flight away. Maybe we should kiss first!!

He’s adorable though, no huge age gap, really good-looking, no complex ex situation, educated, independent, career-driven, healthy lifestyle, own hobbies and life… Acts very interested and follows through but with the right level of intensity. Oh and quite romantic 🥰

Well you did ask.

A first proper date in nearly three years and its safe to say we won't be seeing each other again.

My first surprise ( of many) was that she turned up.on a mobility scooter. She's waiting for a gastric band fitted and that she was currently "on a diet" whic is why she was interested in keeping fit. It was a very hot day and she was very, very sweaty. Sadly, this did not perk my interest.

My next surprise was when we she talked about "breaks away she liked", which actually meant she likes Take a Break, so no interest in historical cities and cultures more of an interest in how a 67 year old grandma of four was seduced by a bloke called Mehmet in Turkey and now they are in love.

More joy awaited me as she crashed her scooter into a window display at, shall we say, a well known coffee outlet and proceeded to call the manager a "f**king nobhead" which went down really well and was not a bit embarrassing as one woman was going to "take it outside" but thankfully too pity on me.

Next, she offered to show me her tattoos. First was the obligatory dolphin on the arm and then, the best bit of the date was the Carpe Diem tattoo on her arm. Carpe Diem means "seize the day" however, hers was missing an "e" so hers read "Carp Diem" and a carp is a fish. I made a fundamental error here and told her, and she promptly stormed out, crashing into a table and chair on the way out.

I went for a double brandy after this and promised never to put myself through anything like this ever again.

ElleintheWoods Oh he does sound lovely, ticks all of the boxes, doesn't he. Damn that distance!

I do drink sometimes now but not very much... So the last drink I had was a bottle of fruit cider a month ago, then 2 years before that, I had 3 Wine spritzers on a night out.

I'm not anti drinking I've just dated enough men who (similar to yourself!) say that they drink occasionally & then can't actually get through a weekend without getting drunk. I've had such bad experiences with these men.

There are the ones who can't even do a day trip to a zoo or something, without taking alcohol in a plastic bottle, the ones who can't actually contemplate going somewhere that sells alcohol & having a Coke or something non-alcoholic, or the ones who have to 'Pop in for just one' before going out somewhere else (& then they just have to have one more/just want to catch up with this mate they haven't seen for ages/it's too late to go out now so we may as well just stay here)

I don't really know about couples & if they change! Do you?

I know one couple where one of them instantly lost interest in going out, when they got together, & the other still spent every other weekend out drinking. They split up.

Oh deer! Thatsthebottomline That sounds like a disaster all round, poor you! Total miss-match.
I hope that it doesn't put you off too much... They won't all be like that (if you try again!)

I have sympathy over the sweaty-ness but that's why I'm not dating right now! (Can't be helped but I know that it's not attractive)

Im not bothering. So far in a year I've been speed dating where 31 men turned up and only three women. One of those women was the hosts mum, and after being told they hadn't booked or paid, one bloke smashed the bar up and ended up.going home with one of the women. That was pretty grim, it made the papers too.

Then there was the "blind date" which ended up with her downing five pints of Strongbow and throwing up everywhere. She ended up in an ambulance and had to have her stomach pumped. Fun times.

They have all been unmitigated disasters.

Ah fair enough Thatsthebottomline It's hard not to get disheartened when you keep having bad experiences, isn't it.

It's when those experiences last eighteen year's that the issue. Its been a long time experiencing crap.

The girl from Countdown met her partner on the non-dating app Strictly Come Dancing.

@Thatsthebottomline - sorry to laugh but OMG that sounds like the date from hell.

Ive heard a couple of similar stories from male friends.

One went in a date with a woman who said she was curvy - from her photos he thought she looked about a size 16. When she arrived her photos were at least a decade old and he said she was huge - probably 20 stone+ - they went for a drink and she downed pints of Stella like water then fall off her bar stall.

Another went on a date with a woman who said she was 54 - and a woman in her late 70’s turned up with a walking stick. She’d used her daughters photos and then went mental when he told her he was going hiome, screaming ‘age is only a number’ across the car park and telling him he was a bigot

The final one was outside Liverpool Street and a stranded walked over and said ‘hi Dave I’m Julie’ (names changed obviously) and it was a completely different person. He said to her ‘you’re not the one in the photos’ and she shrugged her shoulders and said ‘well we’re here now might as well make most of it’ - no attempt to apologise or explain!
He said no thanks I’m out of here and got train home again.

Ah sorry I am mistaken! I'm not too hot on TV personalities, I just read random interviews in the Sunday paper and find stuff out this way 🕶The person I meant was Hannah Fry!

He's very lovely, complete with a meet-cute IRL. See what happens next few months, I'm not dating anyone and we do really like each other so may as well keep talking and go out once a month or so. He's coming over to my area for work next week and has planned to spend all his spare time with me.

Same, I drink similar amounts to you, under 10 drinks a year and nothing at all for months often, especially when training.

Hmmm, I've personally only been in LTRs with no/ low drinking men, so can't comment on that. However something I have noticed is that my exes 'used to drink' at some point in the past, but since settling down don't drink, and don't see the point, and in fact actively say how much better their life is without drinking.

Your examples sound like a lot!! I'd say that's alcoholism? Especially the zoo example!!

My concern is that if I date a drinker, also one that drinks at home, that would affect my lifestyle and I'll either end up drinking with them, or they'll get pissed alone in the spare room, and that would just be weird. Also, the effects alcohol has on health, inc sexual and MH issues. Is that something that's on your mind?

Same with junk food, I don't think I could really date someone that eats a low-nutrient, high-calorie UPF diet. Feel it would either put me off quite quickly, or I could end up joining them.

Feel smoking would affect me less in a relationship, but never dated a smoker long-term. However, best friend smokes and that doesn't bother me.

My thing is, I've spent a lot of my life in pro sports and around athletes, so I know I have a slightly skewed way of what's normal. I'd like someone that has very good health behaviours and awareness, just not the daily hours of training that come with it!! E.g. not someone that runs obsessively and wants me to join.

ElleintheWoods You seem to know what you are looking for, & not looking for, so that's good. Ooh next week should be fun then! Make sure to update us, we want all of the details

I do know what you mean, I think. You want somebody fit & healthy but who isn't wanting a gym-buddy for 6 hours a day!

I am trying to sort out my own diet & weight etc this year (but quietly, by myself, just for me) so yes, junk food is my 'vice' but I'm wary of adding/switching that to alcohol too, so it is on my mind... I was also surprised at how quickly I switched from 'I'll just have a Coke' to 'I'll have a wine if everybody else is having one', when I dated those men (we are talking years ago, before I had my kids, but it made me aware I think, of how easily I could slip into that lifestyle)

3 dates in here, he’s messaging but hasn’t arranged another date just yet. Best dates I’ve been on, lots of really positive vibes and ticks lots of boxes. Does seem to be a bit of a big drinker though (which I’m not) and also I wonder whether he’s over his ex-wife (divorced 3 years)…! Time will tell!

Oh sounds exciting!

Is he the one that arranged dinner for first date?

Hannah Fry is absolutely gorgeous! Yeh she met her current partner on an app.