Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Hiya! Sorry as I’ve posted this on another threat but no replies and I’m very confused.

im on tinder and profile was already verified.
I’ve been having conversations with a few guys on tinder now going fine.
I’ve come back on and it’s told me to verify that I’m human and gave me a few puzzles to solve which I completed. Then wanted me to verify with a video again.
Now it says this and it’s been ages. I don’t want to lose the connections.
Has this happened to anyone? I’ve not broken any rules and pictures are my own.

There’s a guy im getting along with very well which is why im keep to log back on ,

NowStartingOver How are you getting on? I found it fine when I signed up tbh, although I did accidentally Right swipe several times (it was my first swipey website!)

gettingbetter33 I attempted Tinder once but didn't like it. I hope you get it sorted. Very frustrating!

Well getting used to it. Perhaps I've been duped into buying Premium (but I'll only do that for a month), but how should I play this?

Don't swipe anyone myself, let men swipe me and then look at who has done that and then swipe? What is the typical strategy? It's really awful that this is sounding like it has to be tactical but it does feel like you're inside some sort of game.

I have seen some people refer to Premium as "pay to win".

NowStartingOver I just swiped on the ones that I liked. I much preferred premium but I just wasn't getting suitable matches by the end. Although since I stopped paying I havn't had 1 single match!

We'll see how it goes I suppose.

One thing that has surprised me (and perhaps this is my naivety or newness to it), I just can't believe the amount of profiles that go on about the EU and Brexit, it seems people are really obsessed and have to go on about as a key part of their identity!

NowStartingOver Yes! & The anti vaxers too. A lot of them just come across as really angry about one thing or another.

It always stuck in my mind from when I first started OLD, loads of the men would say to me 'The women seem really angry' & I've always thought 'Right. Try not to be angry in your profile!'

@gettingbetter33

Tinder can be a bit of a nightmare to get verified.

I have a few friends who have lifetime bans for absolutely no reason. A couple were told their selfie didn’t pass verification- despite being them and matching their photos. And there’s no appeal system. It’s very random

Meanwhile in IRL-only land, the summer is magical...

I got the most gorgeous guy's number...

I was sitting in a cafe. He was sitting in a cafe across the street. It wasn't busy. We caught each other staring at the other - not sure who started! Looking, then looking away. He then winked. I giggled and stared at my feet. We continued flirting with glances for a little while longer, smiling, laughing, looking at each other, looking away...

Fianlly he finished his coffee... got up... and came over to say hi.

We chatted for a while, and are now whatsapping. We live super far away from each other, so I don't think anything will really come of it but my...

He's foreign, if he was in the UK, he would probably get scouted to model within 5 minutes of landing! Dark hair, dark eyes. Think opposites attract, as somehow he seems to think I am gorgeous 💃

If he hadn't come over, as per my agreement with myself, I would have had to, so...

If that's what this summer is going to be like then bring it on! ☀🔥

Sounds great @ElleintheWoods , sounds promising.

How's everyone else's dating going? This thread has suddenly gone rather quiet.

I’m not having any luck at all! And starting to feel quite down. Feel really annoyed at myself.

I find my GP really attractive but I think he’s married. Why are the rules of flirting with your GP?

What I meant

Not much to update. Still going well with Mr Rave. I have moments where I wonder how much longevity a relationship that’s 80% sex and 20% partying has, but then I remember that things didn’t work out in all my ‘grown up’ relationships with ‘good on paper’ boyfriends either, so I may as well have fun. Sorry if TMI, but we’ve sorted the contraception situation out (we were taking risks like 50% of the time 🤦‍♀️ while I procrastinated getting an IUD) and now we don’t have to worry and it’s amazing 🤗

Oh, and as our first trip together went so well, we’ve booked another trip for July 4th week, and there’s talk of him joining me on a trip to Europe later this summer too! (Quite a big deal for him because, as a typical American, he has only left North America a handful of times and been to Europe only once). It’s TBC but I’m already sketching out an itinerary 😅

Sounds promising! We need an update on cafe guy 👀

@gettingbetter33 Haha I know someone that married their GP - met as a patient. Maybe just find out if he's single first? There's rules for him, i.e. he can't do anything or engage in anything, technically you should behave as well, but worst that they can really do is take you off the register! Do you know him socially at all or literally just from doctor appointments?

@Crushed23 went on a date with cafe guy yesterday, haha. It was very brief and very romantic. Unsure if we see each other again as he lives far away, but could perhaps be a little summer romance if other leads don't work out.

Oooh, where in Europe are you taking him? 80% sex and 20% partying sounds great to me, what else do you really need? I'd quite like something like that, much less stress...

Does anyone know if I’ve put on an age criteria to only show me people within a certain age group , will I appear on those who are outside my criteria?

I assume not, otherwise it would be the same for you - you could be swiping on men for whom you don’t appear.

@ElleintheWoodsYeah it’s definitely less stressful than previous relationships but we’re only a few months in, so it could all change of course. For the Europe trip, we’re working overtime trying to find him a last minute ticket to a festival that sold out months ago - if we manage that, then the trip will be centred around this festival, but I’m hoping we can also do London and hop on the Eurostar to Paris and then Amsterdam. I’m trying not to get my hopes up but I’m also stupidly excited - I don’t know if it’s because of all the fun plans we have lined up for this year or what, but I definitely feel like I’m falling for him, or the idea of him, or SOMETHING (can’t say this to anyone IRL so I’ll say it here).

As for your date @ElleintheWoodsi think distance is a problem for a summer fling / FWB thing, no? You need to be able to meet spontaneously and for them to fit around your life. Navigating busy schedules and/or distance might be a bit of a passion killer?!

Just from the doctors appointments 😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣

@Crushed23 sounds very exciting!

He's younger than you, right? Remind me again :) It's exciting getting to that stage with someone where you want to show him your world, right? Sounds like that's where you're at, all the newness etc.

Hmmm well he lives in a city I often visit, that conveniently has a beach, beautiful restaurants and lounge bars, nice walks, etc... I can work remotely for long periods so could potentially spend longer spells together there, enjoying the heat and the sun. I'd like to see him become a little obsessed with me before talking about anything like that though. He's in the UK in a couple of weeks so let's see. Only met a week ago but he's acting a little bit obsessed in a sweet way - bought a cheap flight ticket just to sneak into the airport and see me on my layover...

Bit wrong to write him off straight away but due to geography don't see it as anything beyond a fling though. But the looks we exchange are electric!

gettingbetter33 I used to have the biggest crush on my dentist! He once touched my cheek, to move my face towards him & I felt like I was going to pass out

ElleintheWoods Sounds great! & It sounds like the distance wouldn't be a problem at all.

According to thr BBC, Tinder will allow premium members to "filter out" any man who is under 5"9.

There are no plans to add any other filters. What a fantastic idea !

Hiya,

Can I join the thread :)

I am currently dating someone and thinking about ending it.

The thing is I often meet men and start dating them but then I always find something about them that annoys me and I move on. All my friends are often like oh what’s wrong with this one. And I do wonder if it’s me but once I see an issue it grows until I don’t want to see them anymore is anyone else like this?

How old are you? I found I became much pickier the older I got. In my early 20s I had low confidence/self esteem and essentially got into a relationship with a friend because it became apparent he fancied me. I gave no thought as to whether I fancied him or if we were right together as a couple. Consequently, we broke up after a couple of years and are now no longer friends.

I generally take issue with accusations of pickiness because I rarely hear them directed at men. It might be the case that men are less picky, but more likely, it’s people judging women for daring to have standards.

All that being said, I actually met someone earlier this year, initially became FWBs, then evolved into something more serious after softening my criteria! So I would say it’s absolutely fine to have criteria (and some things should be non-negotiable), but it might be worth keeping an open mind. The guy I met is SO different from any guy I have ever dated, but it’s going well and our differences are working as some sort of aphrodisiac?! He’s so masculine and straightforward and I feel more feminine around him… it’s hard to explain. I’m mid-30s, he’s early 30s.

@Crushed23thank you for the reply glad to hear you met someone and it is going well

I am 40 and yes I agree as you get older you get pickier. With my it’s not like I have a massive criteria I give lots of guys a chance and soon notice I don’t like this or that.

The guy I am currently dating we went to get it on and he couldn’t get It up (he was very drunk) and it has massively put me off. I did like him before that but now I am starting to notice things.

like I feel like he doesn’t show a lot of interest in my life and maybe just likes me because he finds me attractive. I ask lots of questions about his work / kids etc and he doesn’t seem to do the same back.

also he is going through a divorce and it is all quite messy and he talks about his ex a lot which I have to admit is not very sexy! I understand he is going through a lot but talking about your ex excessively isn’t going to make me want to jump into bed with you!

so I’m not sure if I should end things now or give him a bit more of a chance