Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

NowStartingOver Some of them are such a faff to even get in to, aren't they!

I know somebody on Tinder, she is meeting men for relationships from there.

Yes, I met my best men on Tinder in fact. I guess they just have the most men on there. I paid about £10 I think for a week of seeing my likes, and worked through the list. It's a numbers game really. And sorting the wheat from the chaff.

Well I've got my first chat going on Hinge. I recognise a fair few from Bumble etc.

So far this one isn't looking promising, his messages:

'Hey gorgeous'
'Aww'
'Nice'

Thrilling stuff

Oh dear.....

Throw him back. That's poor.

PeachyKeane I did, pleased that I got a chat going though!

That’s more than I’ve ever had from Hinge

In 3 months I didn’t get a single match - not one!

I’ve long given up on dating apps now but Hinge was far and away the biggest waste of time for me.

The others I got quite a few matches but very little conversation. It’s the single life now for me and I’m happy with that

TwistedWonder It's funny how we all have such different experiences on the same Apps, isn't it!

The one I was trying to sign up to yesterday was a 'local' one but I'm not bothered enough to pay for one right now. I'm in the headspace were it'd be nice to have some dates but if it doesn't happen then that's ok too!

Agree. I had most dates from Bumble and POF which many people hate.

Whereas friends found Bumble tumbleweed.

Another friend had several dates via FB dating.

Seems everyone has a completely different experience.

Im nearly 60 - I don’t have the energy of tolerance to deal with ridiculous men anymore 🤣🤣

TwistedWonder I know, it's just so tedious isn't it.

I'm seeing more that I recognize from the other sites now. I bet they are thinking 'Theres that woman again (me) she's on all of the sites'

Bumble: More than a fumble?
Hinge: Is dinge.
Plenty of Fish: Give it a miss?

Badoo? Etc?

NowStartingOver

OkCupid: Is stupid.
(Local area) Singles: I'd rather eat pringles.

Well i replied to his voice notes. Nice light conversation. He asked how my week was said it was going well and wondered if he wanted to meet soon. It had got to a day and a half and I thought screw. Since we first starting messaging he would take ages to reply. The longest was 3 days!
I don't want constant communication but I need a bit more than 3 days to reply! Ironic thing is he changed his profile to say he was looking for someone with good communication 😂 so I've thrown him back in the dating pool.

There's an in person singles night coming up in my city. I think i might go! I know the girl hosting it so if I feel nervous I can always had a brief chat with her.

I've deleted all apps apart from Hinge. I think I've had the best interactions on there so far.

Hello ladies, I am joining you after following @ThatAquaRobin's thread about sh1t men on Apps.

I havent read every part of the convo but enough to see some are on Hinge so have signed up for free option.

Not many guys in my age range 55-65 (i dont want to expand that too much yet). Also my area in NW is slim pickings! 😂 I dont want to open up the "commute" to more than an hour as I am looking for a LTR where we dont live together (as in "in each others pockets").

Just between 1,000s of mumsnetters, my "private" 🤭 wish list is maybe restrictive so please comment:
Must haves:
OK teeth (no turkey teeth or false choppers)
Hair - no bothered
Clean (ish) shaven as beards 🤢
No topless photos or wc/bathroom selfie
No "cuddles" or "to make me happy" or "to dress like a woman" comments (i am done with all that BS 😂)
Genuine, respectful guy with a SOH (just read a bio "instead of food, let's grab each other" (my 15yo has more self respect to know not to write something like that)
Within one hour drive

I am not expecting floods of guys but what do you get "for free" on Hinge? First time user. Even the name is cringe (rhynes with Hinge). Why is it called that btw?!

LemonLass Your list seems fine. I have a bit of a wish list in my head, but I frequently ignore it if he seems nice enough in every other way!

I've only had 2 convo's on Hinge but many faces I recognise from the other Apps, I think it just depends on the area where you live. I also don't want to travel too far so I know that's limiting my options.

Springslopes12 Sounds like the right thing to do. 3 days (unless something has happened) is just ridiculous, isn't it!

@LemonLass
I never found anyone on Hinge
was very few nr me.
Bumble , is ok, but never had any dates
POF or Badoo, there is a wide selection, but go in with a a very thick skin
but I did get a few dates.
maybe change your age selection?
I do 45-55
not ready for pipe n slippers yet 😀😀

I'd genuinely be interested if any posters knew men who were looking to online date because actually I'm thinking about it and don't know anyone. It would be great to hear a man's perspective. Is it still a candy shop mentality for men? We used to have a few male posters here but all coupled up yet some of the same women still post.

Petra42 I don't know any men who I'd talk to about OLD. The coupled up ones still kind of sneer 'You are doing OLD?!' like it's some terrible thing. But when challenged 'What's wrong with it?' they will shrug & say 'Nothing'.

With the handful of dates I've had, even the decent kind of men all have the same thought 'It's so easy for women'.

@Petra42 all the men I've spoken to about OLD think it's much easier for women. So it must be a shitshow for both sexes really 🤔

There are decent men on there. But I think they perhaps get overlooked and most women are all fighting over the 10% perhaps who know how to make themselves a decent profile.

I had most luck with Tinder tbh. Perhaps because there are so many men on there. Best of luck with it. Treat it lightly, don't get too invested, look at it as a way to meet new people and have some fun dates.

I talk to a fair few men about online dating regularly, I’m kind of an agony aunt in that respect that they spill their highs and lows to.

What specifically would you like to know?

Overall men are quite disheartened and even very intelligent, nice men hugely buy into 80/20. Eg if a man is a tiny bit overweight, they are hugely worried about that. They find it hard and are disappointed a lot, low self-esteem also seems rampant. A crisis in modern masculinity if you like

OLD is a worse experience for men than women, on the whole. Isn’t there a statistic like 90% of women swipe right on 10% of men’s profiles?

Also, I’m not sure when you’re referring to, but I can only remember a couple of male posters, this thread has always had more women. The few male posters may have found relationships (I haven’t seen an updates if they have), but so too have some of the regular female posters. There are a few of us who still contribute even though we’re technically in relationships now. :)

All of that’s to say, I really don’t think modern dating is harder for women. It’s difficult for both sexes.

Well had an experience on Bumble last night
matched with a guy, attractive, was suspicious from the word go lol
especially, when he called me gorgeous and babe.
chatting away , and he says, he would send me some pics
I said no, but anyway he did , full body, in his
CK’s, have to say was very good condition for his age
then a naked back pic, lying on the bed, jeez lol
then I knew what was coming, I thanked him for the pics, and reported him
he deleted his pics lol, but managed to keep two of em 😀😀
why oh why do they feel the need to do this ??
I think the whole profile was fake , and possibly the pics may not be him either ??

I don't think it's a real stat, I think it's part of the incel propaganda.

I say this as a woman that when I was swiping, would swipe on abut 1%. BUT none of them were over 6ft or exceedingly handsome, more like 'my type', which is up to 5ft 11, smart, writes proper sentences, and might be foreign, like Italian or Irish. I hear this type of man isn't particularly popular generally though.

So, ladies and gentlemen, after a few days of kicking myself for missing opportunities out in the wild, I am totally changing strategy.

Whenever I see a man out in the wild that I like, provided the are not accompanied by a woman, I will go and talk to them. Already tried this today albeit not with a guy I fancied, and he gave me his number.

I've had a few days of a couple of really hot guys stalking me around (one danced around me in a shop and made eye contact several times, even looked over his shoulder before he decided to leave, one was at an event, one in the pub, you get the idea) but not doing anything about it. It just seems guys really can't approach women in public spaces anymore without feeling like a creep.

So, I'll just go and talk to them first. Problem solved.

I'm after a dark Irishman that looks like a young Patrick Dempsey, ideally, other attractive types may apply. Next time I see that, I will go over and say hi.

Anyone else up for this challenge? Or does it sound a bit unhinged and literally what we have been telling men not to do in this day and age?

My natural personality isn't that of waiting around and letting men (who probably don't even interest me) chase me, so I'll just embrace who I really am and see what happens.

ElleintheWoods I think it sounds great! Really good idea, & why not. I'm sure you will have some luck with it (& tell us if you do!) I'm not brave enough to talk to men that I like, myself so I'll just 'watch' you

I wouldn't have a problem with a man approaching me either, my immediate thoughts when I read that part of your comment was 'But I expect she will accept 'No' as an answer' so that clearly shows that my worry with men is that they don't/won't... Fuelled by my time on the Apps where a polite 'Sorry but I'm not interested' is met by the hurling of abuse towards me.

@NervesOfCotton I always think it’s kinder to say you’re not interested, as opposed to playing along or ghosting, but seems based on your experience not everybody agrees? Are you on the apps currently?

I won’t go to them with ‘hey you’re hot, are you single?’ Obviously!

It’ll be more like, I might sit next to them/ near them and say hi, ask what book they are reading, ask for directions, compliment their outfit… And then let them do the work if the interest is mutual.

Ive been online just this morning and seen a fair few posts from women going ‘This man was talking to this woman in the coffee shop and complimented her lipstick so I went in to save her’ or ‘I was out walking and a man spoke to me’.

I mean… really?! Are we really against men talking to us anywhere now?!

I must be weird cos I talk to people all day long, everywhere. Men of all ages, random banter, and if I was out walking I’d rather talk to another human being than listen to my music.

However I often get scared vibe from men under 40/50, it’s like they’d rather make eye contact and smile but not approach unless approached. Sounds almost like a total role reversal if you think back to the 90s when women were taught to behave in that way… But never approach!

Male friends say they wouldn’t approach women in public spaces, they don’t want to end up in a social media video apparently.