Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Well it looks like I've been forced down the OLD route.

Need some basics (whether a website link or help here) on what are the apps to get and what to expect from them.

Can you please elaborate on how/why you have been forced down that route? It can be a fun experiment but why not real life?

On that note, is anyone getting random Insta/ social media messages from friends of friends and men they are vaguely connected to lately? It seems to have become a thing again, I swear I've not had any for years, and suddenly a number of unsolicited (nice) messages in a week from attractive, albeit maybe a little too old, men. Is it a 'time of year' thing? One is an ex I've not spoken to for 20 years, that one amused me :)

My profiles are private and there's no pictures of me on show unless you've been accepted.

Morning daters/not daters 😂😂

so as some may have read before I’ve been dating/not dating for two years now!!! So disengaged and uninterested in most matches…. When I have forced myself to get out and go on a date it’s not been anything worthy of a second really. Tried lowering my bar!!! Didn’t work
im no resolved on not lowering bar ect ect and pop on hinge for a little flick they occasionally.
well, ive matched with someone I think I could fancy!!! Weirdly I know of him in real life but only thru his business I follow on instagram. We havnt chatted about this yet….
bow what im struggling with his sends voice notes most the time…. Now I can’t always listen with the kids about and sometimes I find them a bit icky voice notes! God in unpleasabke!!! Also I have adhd and ramble and struggle with sending s voice note. Soooo the flow of chat is slow…. Like a message a day. Is this odd?? Has anyone else just done voice notes from the really early days on an app?? Or is just me finding summer wrong here 😂😂

@Grenola I feel you! Haha give the poor bloke half a chance 😉

I don’t like VNs. When they send one, I just say ‘sorry, I’m not very good with VNs, can take me ages to listen and reply’. Basically I’m open about it and they usually get the point quickly, especially if I text back fast but VN can be left for a day or 2 sometimes! Similarly I don’t answer calls often, because I’m usually in company, and feel like answering your phone, or sending a VN, while with someone else, is very rude. Unless it’s an emergency. Once they spend time with me they’ll appreciate I’m fully present wuth them and my phone is on silent in my bag.

I’m in quiet spaces a lot, eg conferences, rehearsal rooms etc. But also recording a VN feels like I’m performing, so texting back is just so much easier.

I’d just tell him ‘sorry VNs are not my preferred mode of comms’

@ElleintheWoods ok cool u think the same then!!

I did say im not good with then this early on. I think it’s easy to be rushed and flippant with your reply where as typing is more thoughtful and effort.

its intimate too hearing someone’s voice I think, I wanna get to know stuff about him before I start rambling eith my dulcet tones!
anyway might be a moot point cuz he hasn’t replied to my message from saturday 😂😂

I went on dozens of first dates and precisely two second dates in the space of 15 months when I was OLD. I think this is a very common experience on OLD.

I’m another one who hates voice notes, and like @ElleintheWoodswill be up front about it. I don’t like phone calls or FaceTime either - I can go through a whole relationship with just F2F and text contact. Phone calls are for emergencies and FaceTiming is for solo trips of 1 week or more.

Other than icky voice notes, I take it he ticks a lot of boxes? Have you planned a date yet?

@Grenola so you said it did not suit you and yet he kept going? Hmmm... Maybe if he doesn't message back it's not such a loss! But some people also have different comms frequencies, right? If I am really keen on someone, even early on, I'd probably exchange a few messages in the day, and then if both are free, have a bit of a messaging session in the evening. However, I'm aware that some people only like to talk every now and then, especially early on and before an actual date.

It can be intimate and nice for sure, especially if they have a nice voice and speak well. But it still doesn't go well with my lifestyle, and yours, by the sounds of it...

What makes the voice notes icky, does he say things like 'choccy milk'? 😆

@Crushed23 Oh hello, how are things with Mr Rave?

@ElleintheWoodsHi! Still going… no “labels”, having fun, yada yada. We do have our first holiday together tomorrow though! 7 whole days in each other’s company. If we don’t kill each other by the end I will take it as a good sign. We’re going to have a serious conversation about the relationship after the trip.

Unrelated to the above (or maybe slightly related), 3 friends/acquaintances of mine are having a baby in the space of 3 months (as an aside, they’re all younger than me…), which has made me a bit broody! Very odd. I daren’t tell Mr Rave this, but I’ll use the serious chat to find out his position on babies and get a sense of his timeline, if he has one.

How are things with you? Any developments? How’s city life vs the country?

Welcome! I was on your other thread. Great that you’ve got a date in the calendar already. Better than endless messaging. Are you much of a raver yourself? I recommend going to raves/festivals together if you guys work out after a few dates. It never used to be a dating criteria before I met my Mr Rave, but now I can’t imagine dating someone not into the same scene. It has surprisingly really enhanced my life.

I explained this two pages ago. If you go to singles events or whatever, people aren't that bothered because of the fallback to OLD (and the belief that it is the gold standard).

I actually think people have now been conditioned not to look for any connections naturally in real life and can only do it very an app.

Hi @Crushed23
I've called him Mr Raver because he mixes his own music (dance/electric)
It's not something I know much about TBH but I'm happy to learn.
We are supposed to be meeting on Saturday and I can't wait. But I'm now hyper vigilant and half expecting a last minute cancellation (as per Mr Teacher). I really hope the date happens. Will update

@Crushed23 ooh what's it been, about 6 months now?? Curious, have you had any awkward moments over recent Trump moments, or just working around it quietly? Sounds like fun, enjoy each other! I guess holidays always show you things... Excited about it?

City life is great, I can float around in fabulous outfits and pick up compliments and free food, wasn't quite the same in the Lakes! Really happy life-wise.

Love-wise, I'm getting middle-of-the-night rambling messages in the middle of the night, or rather, wake up to them, sounds like he hasn't quite moved on. Been lightly trying to date some people last few months, but I'm just not feeling invested/ interested, so have quietly dropped/ friendzoned.

However I have lots of plans next few weeks, so I wouldn't put it past me, meeting someone in the wild soon, that actually makes my heart beat faster.

Also, random (attractive) strangers sliding into DMs seems to have become a thing again?! I thought this ended a long time ago!

@NowStartingOver oh yes I remember! Sorry :) Yes, I like to confuse these people though, especially men, walking over, smiling and starting conversations.

What apps are you on so far? Can advise on Bumble if that helps...

@ThatAquaRobin glad you're excited, let us know how it goes!

How would you take this? The guy i went on the date with this weekend has changed all his pictures and photos on his dating profile. We have been talking after and the conversation is nice and flirty.

@ElleintheWoods4 months! Craziness. We literally never talk about Trump/politics, and that goes for all my friends and acquaintances here. It’s just not something anyone cares enough about to make social situations needlessly awkward by introducing it as a topic of conversation!

Good to hear you’re enjoying city life… fingers crossed this is your summer of love. 💜

I think all you can do it push on with the flirty chat and see if he wants to arrange another date. Or suggest one yourself.
I wouldn't read too much into it.
Unfortunately it's part of the OLD sweet shop mentality. I think the that there is potential to put guys off by pushing it too early though and mentioning the pic changes.
If he's into you, you'll know. I think this is really true. Sadly even in this day and age you have to sit on your hands a bit and see if he chases.

Springslopes12 It would make me feel a bit 'Hmm' tbh, but it could mean nothing. I'd carry on chatting (without mentioning the photos!) & see how it goes.

I havn't been on the thread for a while.

I'm not paying for Bumble any more but havn't had a single match since I stopped paying. Not 1!

Where else can I try that's completely free? (Is that even possible?)
Whenever I try to sign up to one that says it's free, it then says that you can't send any messages etc unless you pay.

@NervesOfCotton Hinge is free. You get a certain number of likes free per day. And you can see the last person who liked you. If you match with them, then you can see the next one....

Thank you PeachyKeane I'll give it a try!

I thought there was a decent standard of man on Hinge as well tbf. Best of luck with it.

Quality of men on apps is very much location dependent. Hinge was by far the best app in London, but in NYC, Tinder is much better.

How are you anyway @PeachyKeane?! How’s it going with the man you started dating a few months back?

We are still together ❤️ went on our first holiday last week to Italy and had a really lovely time. It's tricky as we're not that local to each other, my divorce is ongoing so I can't tell my kids yet, but all is going well so far. We meet in the middle for weekday dates cinema, gigs, theatre. Then I stay at his at weekends or we have had several trips away in the UK before our 4 days in Italy.

It's a whole new dating experience for me really. After 32 years with the same bloke, it's a learning curve. We didn't have mobile phones back when I was last dating, and they were teenage years really so I'm very inexperienced. I guess it's my first proper grown up relationship with someone other than my ex who I grew up with. I have had to learn on the job not to be too needy with my texting, I have ADHD tendencies and can be a lot.

But enjoying myself and our sex life is incredible. He's everything I could have wished for really.

Oh, and we met on Tinder, so there are decent men on there.

How lovely, PeachyKeane, it all sounds great

It's really a matter of what to expect from the OLD. I am definitely not interested in casual sex, so I assume Tinder can be avoided?

Got as far as downloading Bumble, got asked if I was interested in trans rights (nope!) and other social justice movements, skipped that, and now on these questions which are a bit of struggle to fill out.

Just realised that AI will give me examples of what to write (but definitely not copying the answers), as Bumble doesn't give any examples of what to expect.