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Original poster

Husband just admitted he cheated 6 years ago

151 replies

Brokenmum45 · 05/02/2025 15:53

Hi. So my husband just confessed to me that 6 years ago on a drunken stag weekend he kissed another girl and they rubbed themselves against each other lower half no underwear on but he said he can’t fully remember the details but they didn’t have sex. He said he suddenly realised what he was doing and bolted. I was 38 weeks pregnant at home with my other 2 kids. He told me out of the blue as I had some health issues and he suddenly thought they might be connected. They are not connected. I don’t know what to do. My husband has always been the good reliable one in the group 😔

OP posts:
category12 · 05/02/2025 16:14

So he thought he'd given you an STI - but the incident he's claiming it would have been from was 6 years ago and there wasn't penetration?

I'm not sure it adds up, op.

northernlight20 · 05/02/2025 16:16

He's lying, they only ever admit the bare minimum.

username299 · 05/02/2025 16:18

They didn't rub against each other OP, they had unprotected sex. Was she a sex worker? I can't believe he risked your baby's health.

Original poster
Brokenmum45 · 05/02/2025 16:20

He went to the clinic to get tested last night. It’s the I can’t remember bit that’s angering me. He was in a club extremely drunk it was his brothers stag do and I think he was shown a bit of attention and flattery and he chose to cheat.

OP posts:
Chuchoter · 05/02/2025 16:22

I wouldn't forgive that but I do have very high standards and take our marriage vows very seriously.

northernlight20 · 05/02/2025 16:22

If he's getting tested, he definitely had sex with her, must think you were born yesterday!

Jurassicparkinajug · 05/02/2025 16:25

Ah OP that’s awful. It sounds like he could’ve had full sex like the others have said. I’d ask him directly and see. Humans are very bad at recognising when someone is lying however when it’s your husband/ long term partner you can usually tell I think. Do you want to stay with him? It’s heartbreaking to realise he isn’t the person you thought he was. If your marriage is otherwise good, give yourself time to process things then you can decide what you want to do.

Original poster
Brokenmum45 · 05/02/2025 16:26

I take my vows seriously as well and I though he did to 😔. Trying to remain normal in front of my kids 13, 11 & 6 is so hard

OP posts:
IThoughtHeWasWithYou · 05/02/2025 16:27

northernlight20 · 05/02/2025 16:16

He's lying, they only ever admit the bare minimum.

I agree with this. From experience with my ex, and the stories on here, it tends to go:

I only kissed her and a bit of dry humping

Oh the kissing happened in bed but I sobered up and left before we got naked

OK I admit we were naked and I slept in the bed but all she did was give me a BJ and I was really drunk so I thought it was you

We might have had sex but I dont remember I was so drunk and it was just one drunken time

Then it turns out they’ve been cheating like clockwork, and they’ve only fessed up because they think they’ve given you an STI/someone has threaten to tell you so they are telling the less awful version first.

FYI, if he thought he’d given you an STI and you were symptomatic, it would be recent cheating not 6 years ago. Most of them, if you get symptoms (sometimes silent) you get them within a few weeks. Sorry OP, but I’d brace yourself for this to get worse.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 05/02/2025 16:27

It sounds like he had sex then and he is still having sex with others if he’s gone for an STI test… Six years later.

TheAzureSwan · 05/02/2025 16:27

I would struggle to believe this is the only time he has cheated on you.
Men who go on drunken stag does and go to strip clubs/ lap dancing clubs aren't the type of men who bother about being faithful to their partners . If they were they wouldn't go in that type of place.

MsMonique · 05/02/2025 16:28

If it was a one time only "rubbing" episode (obviously a lie) 6 years ago, I doubt he'd connect a current health issue. I suspect it's been full sex on that occasion, and likely a much more recent occasion if he's away getting tested for STI's.

CharlieAndMoose · 05/02/2025 16:28

If he's getting tested and panicked that he'd caused your recent health scare, I'd be questioning that it's been 6 years to be honest. Sorry OP. I think you need to prepare for there to be more to the story, and that it may not be a one off.

OchreRaven · 05/02/2025 16:28

He is down playing it because he’s scared of your reaction to the whole truth. At least he eventually told you because he values your health but he needs to be completely honest. Drip feeding you the ‘truth’ is a death by 1000 cuts. If you are ever going to trust him again he needs to give you a full account that makes sense so that you can decide if it’s something you can forgive. Currently what he is saying has a lot of red flags.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 05/02/2025 16:29

Brokenmum45 · 05/02/2025 16:20

He went to the clinic to get tested last night. It’s the I can’t remember bit that’s angering me. He was in a club extremely drunk it was his brothers stag do and I think he was shown a bit of attention and flattery and he chose to cheat.

They weren’t naked from the waist down in a club were they?

JimHalpertsWife · 05/02/2025 16:33

It typically goes

  1. No I didnt do anything
  2. She kissed me but I didn't kiss her back
  3. She sent me photos/ texts I didn't reply
  4. I kissed her but that's all we did
  5. We kissed and touched each other but we didn't have sex
  6. I don't remember what we did
  7. We had sex but it was just once and I was drunk
  8. It's been going on a while I wasn't sure how to end it
  9. You don't pay me any attention is it any wonder?

They just level up each time - they never go right in At what they actually did.

UnbelievableLie · 05/02/2025 16:33

So sorry OP, it sounds like he's shagged someone more recently than 6 years ago. The idiot probably blamed it on the stag do thinking it somehow sounded better & hoping saying it was a few years ago you'll likely be more forgiving...

IThoughtHeWasWithYou · 05/02/2025 16:33

Can I ask OP: you said he’s always been the good reliable one in his group. Does that mean the rest of his friends cheat and behave badly?

I have to say that the quality of the friends indicates a persons behaviour usually. Someone who associates with cheats, drunks, gamblers or men who use sex workers tends to be the type to also do it themselves. Even if they put a good front on at home.

Original poster
Brokenmum45 · 05/02/2025 16:34

he said he moved away from the ones he was with and ended up with some German party ones. He said they started kissing and he had his P out and a bit of rubbing on her v or front of it but he can remember anything. I hit the roof. I had taken a serve heavy bleeding last month and he thought it was all connected. I’m not stupid no way related.

OP posts:
jsku · 05/02/2025 16:34

One doesn’t need to have penetrative sex - just skin contact to pick up some of the sti’s.

However - the idea that a really drunk man, on a stag night in some bar (or a strip club) - decides to walk off after rubbing his ‘lower area’ or naked ‘lower area’ of a woman - is highly improbable... Men in that state (very drunk and aroused) are not known to think rationally…

Of course - it was a while ago. And you have several kids -( all his?) What’s the financial situation like?

To anyone who says - it’s a no-brainer; ‘i have high standards’ - clearly have not been in the situation….

Take your time. No need to rush. Only you can decide on what is right for you and your family.

I’d say - a lot depends on how your relationship has been over the years and currently. And on how H behaves now, that he came clean.

Redglitter · 05/02/2025 16:35

So he went either back to hers or she went back to his hotel. They got naked from the waist down and there was just a bit of rubbing but nothing happened.

Yeah that sounds plausible.

If any man gets to the stage of being half naked with a half naked woman a damn sight more than 'rubbing' is going to happen

He's totally minimising. Probably hoping that the fact he's saying he didn't actually have sex that you won't count it as cheating

JimHalpertsWife · 05/02/2025 16:36

Whatever he did or didn't (he did) do, 6 years ago, he has spent the last 6 years knowing about it, yet being the (I assume) caring adoring man he wants to think he is.

I'd feel sick knowing he would smile and hug and kiss me and have sex with me after doing what he did.

skinnyoptionsonly · 05/02/2025 16:37

JimHalpertsWife · 05/02/2025 16:33

It typically goes

  1. No I didnt do anything
  2. She kissed me but I didn't kiss her back
  3. She sent me photos/ texts I didn't reply
  4. I kissed her but that's all we did
  5. We kissed and touched each other but we didn't have sex
  6. I don't remember what we did
  7. We had sex but it was just once and I was drunk
  8. It's been going on a while I wasn't sure how to end it
  9. You don't pay me any attention is it any wonder?

They just level up each time - they never go right in At what they actually did.

Yes, it will always be the partner of the cheaters fault, in the eyes of the cheater.

2025willbemytime · 05/02/2025 16:38

If he's worried your illness is connected to him then surely he's had sex with someone else much more recently than six years ago?

Original poster
Brokenmum45 · 05/02/2025 16:40

IThoughtHeWasWithYou · 05/02/2025 16:33

Can I ask OP: you said he’s always been the good reliable one in his group. Does that mean the rest of his friends cheat and behave badly?

I have to say that the quality of the friends indicates a persons behaviour usually. Someone who associates with cheats, drunks, gamblers or men who use sex workers tends to be the type to also do it themselves. Even if they put a good front on at home.

He’s alway been the one to be the driver on nights out. Never getting into trouble always the one you could relay on and I honestly don’t know why he did this to me. He’s blaming extremely drunk as he never teally drinks

OP posts: