Husband just admitted he cheated 6 years ago

[Brokenmum45]

Hi. So my husband just confessed to me that 6 years ago on a drunken stag weekend he kissed another girl and they rubbed themselves against each other lower half no underwear on but he said he can’t fully remember the details but they didn’t have sex. He said he suddenly realised what he was doing and bolted. I was 38 weeks pregnant at home with my other 2 kids. He told me out of the blue as I had some health issues and he suddenly thought they might be connected. They are not connected. I don’t know what to do. My husband has always been the good reliable one in the group 😔

Your husband has gone to get an STI check-up over a claimed 'rubbed naked lower halves together but no sex', 6 years after the event?!! If he's being tested, then I don't believe there wasn't any sex involved. Mostly likely he had drunken unprotected sex with a random woman. You need to be tested too. I don't believe he doesn't remember either, it's all rather convenient. He needs to be absolutely honest with you, if there's any chance of salvaging your marriage (assuming you want that). Sadly, I would now be questioning if there's been any further indiscretions since or before that incident.

One doesn’t need to have penetrative sex - just skin contact to pick up some of the sti’s.

True, but it seems unlikely that he would make a leap between a long ago drunken rubup to OP's recent gynae problems.

Seems more likely there's been something else.

So sorry to hear this OP, how horrendous for you.

This probably doesn't help but if they ended up rubbing genitals and they didn't actually have sex (so he says), it's likely he tried but alcohol got in the way of it working.

I'd be completely devastated in your position. Drinking is no excuse. If he really did feel guilty he'd have told you before now.

Sounds like you've not got the full story. Someone has told him they will tell you if he didn't, so he's come up with a shit story of a drunken kiss and a fumble. It's bull shit.

I was 38 weeks pregnant with my 3rd when he was away as well

He's just like all the rest op, they all follow the same script that's been posted.
He's definitely had sex with that one he owned up to and likely more since then because they will continue to do it if they believe they've not been caught.

I've been severely drunk on a few occasions.

I've never removed my clothing and engaged in "rubbing" with a stranger.

He's not telling you the whole truth

6 years is a long time to keep a secret of this magnitude. I would’ve struggled to lie to dh for that long.

Of course he shagged her, their adults not awkward virgins.

Id trust your instinct. He still feels guilty after 6 years it sounds like to me. If you don’t have a reason to think it’s more than one drunken night of utter idiocy, I would stop reading inflammatory comments on MN, have a proper chat with him, and then give yourself some time to get over the shock and move forward slowly.

Dont rush aany decisisons right now

In any case op, he's being lying to you for at least 6 years, straight to your faces how will you ever be able to trust a word that comes put of his mouth ever again?

He's done something recently and dragged this up as, for some reason, he thinks it's more plausible. Dickhead.

Yeah all 3 his and we are financially stable as he has a good job and I work part time.we have been married 14years and I’m so conflicted and confused. I’m taking time out of work to think and I told him if test come back with anything we are done.

Although op I would very calmly say, “is there anything else you’d like to tell me now dh? Because it would be better to get everything off your chest and not keep secrets. We can’t move forward if we aren’t being open and honest with each other. I promise to listen, and I can’t promise I won’t be upset, but I will hear anything more you have to say and let you tell me it all, and then we will figure out what to do about it.”

He's down playing what happened. Even now he's not being honest. At the bare minimum he had a drunken, unprotected, shag with a random and jeopardised your health and the health of your unborn baby. He continued to jeopardise your health for 6 years. He kept the secret for 6 years.

I’d say he definitely did have sex with her … and others since, probably recently too.

This is what I think.

He has cheated on you recently and contacted an STI. He knows alreday because he’s been tested. Then last week when you had a bleed, he thought you would go to your GP and they would do STI tests and find out that you’ve contacted something.

So he’s contrived this story which he thinks is the least damaging explanation

• it was a long time ago so you have no right to get angry with him
• he was drunk so not responsible for his own actions
• it wasn’t actual PIV sex to you are over reacting if you get angry with him

To give him his due, he’s quite creative

What he’s not managing to do is think up a reason why he suspected he might have an STI for the last 6 years but has continued to have unprotected sex with you for all of that time. That’s a bit tricky to explain away.

6 years later he's worrying about an STD? Sorry, but I think he has had sex with someone else recently.

A good take through the contents of his (phone : emails photos messages) if it goes back six years would be the bare minimum I would be doing.

I think if someone breaks my trust and faith like that there's no going back.

Enquire about working full time and prepare to put ducks in a row. Sorry you're going through this.

The fact he went away on a drunken stag do when you were 38 weeks pregnant doesn't show him a good light even without him cheating on you.

Fraid so. Sorry OP but it's likely there has been a more recent episode. He may think that the one six years ago, at a stag do that you knew about, would be more acceptable to you.

What an unhelpful and condescending comment. So do 99% of married people, @Chuchoter. Particularly the OP who is clearly upset and doesn't need to hear about your impeccably high standards.

I call bullshit OP. He’s fucked someone recently and has caught an STI and is hoping this supposed minor ‘accidental rubbing” but definitely not PV sex 6 years ago story, will cover it up.

Best to get checked. In case anything more recent.

They do sti checks when pregnant. So 6 years ago.

Obviously he's a complete lying cunt about the incident 6 years ago but I'm wondering if he's had sex with someone more recently too. Hence the panic.

He's contracted a recent STI and this is his 'cover' story.
Clear as day.