Husband just admitted he cheated 6 years ago

[Brokenmum45]

Hi. So my husband just confessed to me that 6 years ago on a drunken stag weekend he kissed another girl and they rubbed themselves against each other lower half no underwear on but he said he can’t fully remember the details but they didn’t have sex. He said he suddenly realised what he was doing and bolted. I was 38 weeks pregnant at home with my other 2 kids. He told me out of the blue as I had some health issues and he suddenly thought they might be connected. They are not connected. I don’t know what to do. My husband has always been the good reliable one in the group 😔

Oh OP, how horrible for you.

I would ask him if there's anything else he needs to tell me, and then tell him i need i instant and unrestricted access to his phone and all other devices, including all passwords etc.

Ask and then don't let him out of your sight. If he suddenly "forgets" passwords or starts making you out to be the bad guy you'll know there's more.

Sorry OP but like others have said I very much doubt the only time he's cheated is 6 years ago. He's playing you for a fool.

That would be my thinking too. I do not see any other possible/reasonable explanation. If he's worried he passed an STI to you it is because he had sex with someone else recently and he's just learned that she has an STI and therefore he may have passed it on. What kind of STI shows up 6 years later?

100% bullshit. Please please please do not trust what he says. The script. And yes, he's been cheating recently, I'd bet my house on it.

So sorry, OP. I agree with pps - there's no way a "rub" 6 years ago would trigger this sudden need for honesty. Something else is going on imho. Really sorry you're going through this x

Not believing the 6 years ago tbh.

You're not getting the whole story. Not about 6 years ago and not about what he's been doing recently. He thinks he's given you an STI.

It was Germany and a stag do. I think it was a pro. It’s completely legal and more above board there too there

Protected but you can still catch certain stuff, he knows that.

He may think something is dormant from 6 years ago. It’s possible.

Gently OP, I don’t believe his story for a second. Surely if he thought he had been living with an STD for 6 years he would have done something about it by now? And I’m assuming he’s has multiple opportunities over that time to pass anything onto you, chances are you would have known a lot earlier if you’d caught anything from him. My guess is he’s done something far more recently to be feeling guilty about.

Sorry Op but I agree with this! Brace yourself for things to get so much worse.

The fact he went abroad when you were 38 weeks and could've missed the birth

Add in the fact that you then also had 2x other dc to wrangle so late in your pregnancy

Hideous behaviour even before the infidelity.

Your health is your wealth. Get tested yourself. Ask him to tell you the truth so you can provide an accurate medical history. If not, get tested anyway.

He’s definitely cheated and more recently!

I'm not buying the 6 years ago neither!

But if otherwise you have a good life together you can always bury your head in the sand (LTB is always easier said then done)

But at least start using condoms just in case

I’m sorry you’re going through this.
But here’s the thing, you don’t need to make any decisions today. Tomorrow. Or the next day. You can take time to process the information before making any permanent decisions.
I suspect he’s been living with the guilt of what he’s done and wanted an opportunity to relieve himself of that guilt. Very selfish if so, and he’d have been better off taking it to the grave.
That said, I would question the timing somewhat. It’ll be interesting to see what his tests come back with, but could this be a convenient way to excuse himself for some more recent infidelity.

I guess if you plan on staying together, you should definitely get counselling.

You’re not a fool OP. Your dh is the fool, for giving up his marriage and children in this way. You have been betrayed badly by him, only you can decide what to do going forward. But you can bet your life he’s cheating on you now, or has been very recently .. don’t be taken in by this 6 year lie.

It was 6 years ago (although that bit seems a bit strange, it would be odd to think you'd have symptoms now 6 years after nothing...... that bit does make me feel like something is recent. I mean, what would give you heavy bleeding 6 years after infection?!).

Personally I would give him a hard time over it then forget it.

Drunk, around Germans (who can be very open-minded)... it's horrid. It happened. Although I still would literally ask him why do you think you have an sti now and no symptoms for 6 years?

You have 3 kids. You have to get over this somehow. in my humble opinion.

@Brokenmum45, your H is taking you for a fool. He has been unfaithful recently, so you need to get to the bottom of it.

First, I would absolutely investigate his phone without giving him a chance to delete evidence. You may find, however, that he has already sanitized his devices. Tell him that you won’t even consider continuing the marriage unless he comes clean with the truth.

He’s probably cheated recently and now blaming the so called incident 6 years ago. It doesn’t add up

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Even if what he is saying is true, you'll never be able to trust him again. Whether you leave him or not, your marriage is doomed as you'll be torturing yourself.

Yeh no man gets his penis out- starts rubbing it onto a lady’s vulva and then goes “aaaand we will leave that there shall we”. Come on OP don’t be that naive.

I'm sorry but he likely planned to cheat when they booked the stag do.
They pick places like this specifically to do it, sorry but men, even the ones that act the good act and talk the good boy talk are all vile if they can get away with it.
Look at how he's lied to your face and been completely normal for 6yrs op, he didn't give a thing away did he, not until your recent health scare where he felt like his dirty secrets would be discovered.

It's like when celebrities get discovered doing something by the press and they have to come out and address it before hand, they do that to control how much information gets disclosed, so they can downplay the awful things they've done.
Same as your filthy husband, oh he can't remember, oh he feels so bad he blocked it out.

Nonsense! He knows, he's always known he just has no respect for you so won't be honest about how disgusting he has been and how vile he has been to you, he also wants to protect his image, once you know EXCATLY what he has been doing then you could tell everyone he actually does have respect for like his family and your mutual friends, he will lie to you to stop this from happening.

He's just a disgusting lying piece of shit who has probably put your health at risk numerous times over the years, I'm so sorry.

Sorry but you don’t go to the clinic for rubbing yourself on someone fully dressed. He definitely had sex and the least he can do it admit the truth

Why does it matter?! How is it ANY LESS BAD to rub his naked cock across a woman's naked vulva? He CHEATED!!

Actually some STIs (eg HIV) can stay dormant for a long time: I know because it happened to someone very close to me. Others can be outwardly asymptomatic but still damaging your body. If he’s clear you’re probably ok but worth discussing with a GUM clinic - your GP won’t be that knowledgeable… unless they’ve worked in a GUM clinic … or had an STI recently themselves!