How would you feel about this response to a Clare’s Law application?

[NoSmokeWithoutFire0]

I won’t go into why I made it but the guy I’ve been seeing for around 10 months found out that I’d made a Clare’s Law application on him and these are some of his responses in a conversation we had by text about it.

“I'm sorry about the Claire's Law thing. It's up to you how you proceed, but I do think it's an invasion of privacy to some extent. Whether I thought it'd have content or not. I think regardless of how we move forward, l'd always feel that way. I should be entitled to move on from horrible situations from my past. I see the systems inability to protect individuals from false allegations as a continued form of abuse by those that make allegations and they can do so without ever having to be questioned or punished.”

“Actually, the thought of you being able to sit next to me and think "I know something you that you don't know" makes me wretch.
You can't build trust on that, and our conversation revolved around trust.
Whether you go through with it or not, I'll never trust you in that regards. I'll always assume you did it and know more about me than I know. That's like me having full access to your gp records.
That's a deal breaker for me and would make everything else we worked on together pointless.”

“I now feel like l'll never be allowed to move forward and enjoy any relationship through fear of secretly being spied on.
Enjoy having a nosey into my past life anyway.”

Is it just me or is this screaming guilty?

What a knob. He’s really showing his true colours now OP. You’ve got him on the run.

Maybe literally.

I didn’t realise I’d get a text after applying

Side issue but I'd have thought the police would have a safer method of keeping women informed on their application than a text (that wasn't expected) which gives away any details - if only that it's from the police - that can so easily lead to the guy (who is likely to be the sort who looks at a DP's phone) finding out. There really should be a more confidential agreed way to update the woman where it won't risk putting her in a difficult and potentially dangerous position. OP should have been able to find out about progress by a more discrete method and not had to deal with this. That said, it's shown his true colours horribly fast and I'm glad OP is taking care and keeping the police informed now. This guy is an abuser, absolutely no doubt of it.

OP your last update worries me.

A good individual will support you, yes perhaps be a little taken aback by it, but would not react the way your "ex is doing now.

He is making a threat to scare you, its all for his own benefit so do not fall into the trap. He is goading you, which he has done many times before in his other relationships, which may have been successful at times for him, he knows this game, and is testing to see if you will take the bait and be "easy. Dont block per say but do not engage further. But it is good to know what he is thinking, but regardless of what he says in his texts, just dont reply. He may start leaving gifts, or love bomb you, then hate on you, whatever works to get you back.

Also, seeing how he is responding, make sure you are safe, not just now, but in the coming weeks, and perhaps contact the police about this, 101 or online, as he may not become happy that you have ended things. I at least hope you have ended things.

OMG??? Why would they do that? I was told that they only know of incidents in their local area. I had to ask them to check other areas. Crazy

That's incredible @TheseBootsAreWalking ...did you complain? That's potentially dangerous in case of a violent man. I guess some police forces are more up to speed then others in how to carry out this procedure 🤨

I hope you're ok, op..I just read this all with dread. Thank god you've got rid of him x

Gaslighting manipulation.
Got your self and abusing narcassist there I’d say .
calling the abuses the abuser ! Don’t they all???
So you really need to do the check ? I’d ditch him anyway .

I think you probably need to make a Sarah's law application too if you have children.

Lol I'm pretty sure 'trying to provoke' isn't a crime.

He's a nasty piece of work though isn't he!

I wouldn't worry op, he'll be laughed out if the police station. If he actually went. Which he won't.

Just text him 'never contact me again'. Then never reply to anything else he sends.

It's nothing like having access to someone's GP records. Being unwell isn't a criminal offence.
He's clearly furious about it, and that's because he's done something wrong.
Definitely dump him. Immediately.

OP Did you write about this before when you originally received the results of Clare's Law request? Somebody posted something similar before. That OP was going to break up with the guy but had a holiday booked and was hesitating before practically every poster advised her to run not walk away.

I would contact 101 and explain everything and get a log number etc

Keep all texts from him but dont engage in conversation

The very fact a woman would consider using it to find out info on a man, is enough of a red flag to not even start anything with him in the first place. Lucky escape

Sorry not sorry.

OMG RUN FOR THE HILLS

You do not want a man whod be in any worry over whether something might flag up on a clares law request.
Any decent man would know there'd be nothing there.

There’s nothing outing about that … usernames on an anonymous forum 😵‍💫

Screaming wife beater dude.

My husband would have said something like "sensible thing for any lady to do in this day and age".

(I wouldn't have found anything, though. Thats the point of that reaction)

@ImDoneOnceAndForAll You've read my post in entirely the wrong tone! I'm just trying to clarify as there was a lot of background info given in that previous thread which would be relevant here

Maybe but still saying her name / part of her username isnt a good thing i dont think

Why?

And people change theres all the time !
There are reasons for that

My rapist told people I falsely accused him.

I pressed charges but like 99% of all rape reports, there "wasn't enough evidence to take it to court".

Which many people do interprete as "falsely accused".

Run as fast as you can. There is no coming back from this... his reaction is absolutely everything.

Are you ok @NoSmokeWithoutFire0? Are you and your wee ones safe?

Why do you think?

Are people really this 🤯

People change usernames all the time, privacy , someone has found out their username or because they dont want the two threads linked for whatever reason

Its not really that difficult to think about is it?

People change usernames to try to prevent "jigsaw identification". Like someone might use one username for the Pets board to talk about her giant millipede's fungal leg infection, but have another username for Relationships to talk about leaving her abusive husband. Giant millipedes are rare as pets go, so the change of username stops people who know her IRL from joining the dots between owning millipedes and leaving her H.

I appreciate that you are trying to help, but nevertheless, never post what you think someone's prior username, or thread made under a prior username, might be.