He never replied

[SerenaVanDerW]

26F. He’s 30.

Vibing recently through a new friend group. I can tell he might be interested.

anyway, I texted him to see if he wants dinner at the weekend (so yes I initiated it) He immediately replied ‘Yes!’ within 30 seconds and suggested a restaurant.

ended up texting back and forth every 30 mins because the first restaurant is closed and trying to come up with another restaurant but either fully booked or closed or waitlisted. He tried to book one of them and waitlisted.

he then suggested another restaurant, which as always happy with whatever really. He then never replied after that. This was last night at 9pm.

im sitting here thinking-

• Does he want me to book this?
• why hasn’t he replied?
• Does he still want to go tomorrow?
• does he want me to suggest a restaurant? Bc I have a few restaurants in mind.
• I don’t want to double text him… but should I say- what about X restaurant?

any advice would be great!

Essentially a man engaging in conversation to offer a deceptive portion of cock.
They change the language, but the song remains the same.

I guess that by adding the single quotes you are hinting at conveying at an idea that is not actually true. Because OP, as far as we know, is not busy.
If you don't want to go be bloody transparent about it and say that you don't want to go anymore.
By throwing lies like you are suggesting the only thing we achieve is to poison even more communication among young people.

If you enjoy his company and fancy him, then go for it. Life’s too short.

But protect yourself. Don’t get too enamoured. Don’t seem too overeager. Play it cool. Don’t double text again. Consider he may be seeing someone else.

It’s quite possible he’s overthought it. Maybe he thought he came across as a bit too keen and uncool by his quick ‘yes’, then tried to play it down a bit, so as not to out you off. Maybe he was out, then sleeping, then rushing about doing something. I wouldn’t read too much into it for now.

But, after the date, let him initiate a second. If he doesn’t, I wouldn’t pursue it.

I don't think he's that into you in "that" way or is emotionally/socially unavailable for some reason.

I wouldn't read too much into the replying immediately. If he liked you he would immediately have jumped at the message, and be keen to seal the deal.

Lots of people are good at chat and soft skills and can build a nice 1-1 connection.

He doesn't want to hang out with you 1-1, he's treating it more as a friend thing. Even if stuff happens I suspect it will fizzle out. Or like pps say it will just be you organising and him doing his own thing and hanging out a bit, him maybe accepting if he doesn't get a better offer.

It could be for whatever reason.

Maybe there's someone he's been messaging he is chasing, or he finds you attractive and good to talk to, but you're not the ideal "type" he aspires to have as girlfriend (nothing to do with how attractive you are, often men have a "type" and that's who they prioritise dating).

If he's 30 and attractive with good social skills he may use the dating apps a lot and have a few women he is messaging.

If he was into you in "that" way he would be keener to spend any sort of 1-1 time with you.

If dinner at a specific place wasn't Ok, he'd be coming up with other plans to hang out, or offering alternative dates.

I think you should go and have a lovely time . Backing out would seem weird. You suggested it and it's planned, happening tomorrow. It would be a slap in the face to him to cancel.

Book it and see what happens!

Enjoy the meal out.

xx

Go hope you have a good time

I don't think 3 hours is that bad although it depends. He could've been at the gym, cinema, out for lunch with friends, driving etc

Or maybe he's at a concert or with a friend or anywhere where he's put his phone away for an hour or so? The idea that people have to always be ready and able to reply to a message immediately is daft. I'd hope that whoever I was interested in had a life and wasn't always a slave to their phone!

Okay so then you say, hey let's pick this up later, I'm about to meet up with my friend.

Just ditching someone mid-conversation, then picking it up the following day with no acknowledgement is rude. And not how you conduct yourself with someone you're trying to impress.

Or maybe a dog ate the phone.
Or maybe his house burnt down.
Or maybe an alien spaceship abducted him.

Or maaaaaaaaybe he is not that into her.

Go. I think it's worse and doesn't reflect well if you don't go, that you're sat waiting at the phone and then rudely making other plans after you offered. People have lives! It's obvious you're being needy, it's off putting and kinda childish.
Be confident in what you asked. It would be different if he didn't rely for days!

You can go if you fancy a night out but I would not get my hopes up as he is clearly not keen on you. And IMHO in the future I would not invite guys out myself, its never a good move (I know many would disagree) - find someone who really wants to be with you, dont chase after guys!!

In addition to this, if you agree to go out I can actually imagine him organising it but then cancelling/ not turning up/ disappearing again.

I’d go, if you say you’re now busy then you’re just playing games and it won’t end well. He could have genuinely been busy so not able to get back to you.

Stop overthinking it, just go and have a nice evening. If you put so much pressure and intensity into it now it's never going to go anywhere. I think that him being chill is a positive thing.

I asked my now husband out and we were a very slow burn for a year. Together 15 yrs, married for 10 and I love him more now then when I asked him out as I didn't put any expectations on it. So yeah, I completely disagree with this but everyone is different. I'm just glad I made that move as I'm certain he wouldn't have.

Your story is lovely and made me feel all fuzzy ))

My experience of inviting someone out ended up in a long and draining situation where I was in love and he gave me all in words but in practice treated me like a weekend fuck buddy.

If it's Sunday night then I'd go and see what happens. Nothing ventured, nothing gained; but if it starts to progress you shouldn't have to play guessing games, don't let him mess you around. Good luck!

To all those saying 100% he's not into her, what exactly has this guy done wrong? Took 3 hours to reply? How dare he have a life

I wouldn't dream of going.
I would reply "made other plans now".

He's a twat that needs to play games.
Save yourself the trouble.
Decent guys that are keen, don't mess about.

From last night at 9pm, and OP double texting?
No he's not pushed and is showing the OP that.

I think there seems to have been some confusion over the last message where he suggested a place but didn't follow it up.

Does that mean he isn't bothered?

Even though he had said yes to the invitation, made a suggestion & tried somewhere else when that didn't work?

Hopefully just a miscommunication!

You should definitely tell him you've made other plans.

I would absolutely be heading on the date though 😂

Why would OP tell him she has other plans when he replied just three hours after she asked him out (again)?

I'm glad I'm not dating in this day & age. All this guessing because someone hasn't replied quickley, expecting an almost immediate response!
I'm going to sound extremely old fashioned now, but when I met my dh way back in 1983 we lived too far apart to see each other through the week, we just saw each other at the weekends. We'd ring once during the week for a catch up & to confirm arrangements for the weekend, then we just got on with our lives the rest of the week. People would have a melt down these days with that level of communication 😅