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Original poster

He never replied

388 replies

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 11:20

26F. He’s 30.

Vibing recently through a new friend group. I can tell he might be interested.

anyway, I texted him to see if he wants dinner at the weekend (so yes I initiated it) He immediately replied ‘Yes!’ within 30 seconds and suggested a restaurant.

ended up texting back and forth every 30 mins because the first restaurant is closed and trying to come up with another restaurant but either fully booked or closed or waitlisted. He tried to book one of them and waitlisted.

he then suggested another restaurant, which as always happy with whatever really. He then never replied after that. This was last night at 9pm.

im sitting here thinking-

  • Does he want me to book this?
  • why hasn’t he replied?
  • Does he still want to go tomorrow?
  • does he want me to suggest a restaurant? Bc I have a few restaurants in mind.
  • I don’t want to double text him… but should I say- what about X restaurant?
any advice would be great!
OP posts:
WickWood · 01/02/2025 17:53

Living vicariously through you, I was you for many years, all the second guessing, the overanalysing. Such a waste of time. All I'll say is... if someone wants you, you'll know about it. My partner wanted me, I knew about it, and we've been together since, never a moment of second guessing or messaging my friends to help me decipher his messages etc. This guy is not the one. X

wrongthinker · 01/02/2025 18:07

nfkl · 01/02/2025 17:17

After her conversation, OP should have thought "I did my move, good on me. Now, the ball is in his camp to make it happen for real. I made one step, now it's his turn". And leave it there.

You make a move, he must make a move back in kind or better, and in action, that's the rule. One step at a time, no skipping.

It's not playing hard to get, it's not about being chased, it is about building equal involvement/effort and not doing all the work because he is not doing anything.

When a man leaves a void, don't fill that void with your good intentions.

Good guys who are interested will show up, in hell or high water, uninterested guys will disappear, bad guys will play sleazeball if given the chance.

Any time you chase, you mess the waters, because you do the work the good guy should make and you give a another opportunity to a sleazeball. And you wind up a bit further into things, and you still don't know for sure if he is that much into you or a good guy.

Exactly 💯

Never double text. Never chase. Let him take his turn in the dance and if he doesn't, the dance is over.

Ineedaholidayyyy · 01/02/2025 18:08

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 15:19

So he texted me back half an hour ago. I didn’t see it (shower, cup of tea and doing my nails).

so basically he texted back 3 hours later.

anyway he texted back a dry humour and agree to try my suggestions after his 4 restaurant suggestions were fully booked or waitlist.

should I go with what you guys have said “oh I’ve made other plans” ? Or book it and see what happens.

obviously I do want to go for food and see what happens. But at the same time, don’t wanna seem too desperate. At the end of the day, if this doesn’t work out, it’s cool. but I hate this guessing and not sure stage.

Show quote history

Ah if it's only 3 hours then that's not long , I thought it was longer when I originally read it.

He's said yes, if you want to go then go. I honestly don't think you need to play games and pretend to be busy. Just a breezy reply, sort the arrangements and then leave it at that until the date. I hope it goes well

wrongthinker · 01/02/2025 18:12

Hwi · 01/02/2025 17:51

Bravo x 3

Show quote history

He's into the idea of flirting and sleeping with you, if you do all the running. He's not into you beyond that.

The only way you can change his mind is to put him in a situation where he has to chase you, with no guarantee he'll get you. If you actually still want him after he aired you.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 01/02/2025 18:16

I would just assume he had been busy, and was now replying. So if you want to have dinner with him, then go for it and see how it goes.

Yalta · 01/02/2025 18:16

Does no one just put their phone down and not look at it for hours.
In our house only dd knows where her phone is at any given time,
Mine is in one of about 5 different places and DS has to search for his and probably won’t reply for hours even if he sees the message as he is doing something else

moose62 · 01/02/2025 18:18

If you like him and want to meet him, stop playing games and just meet him. Sometimes people are busy or forget to respond, no need to turn it into a tit for tat.

JoanCollinsDiva · 01/02/2025 18:18

Maybe he's playing hard to get bc he really likes you?

DH did this a bit with me when we started dating - and I did it right back. This was in the early days of mobile phones though when people didn't text back and forth like a ping pong match.

Id leave it now and let him do the running. I quickly got wise to now dh's games in the early days and just sat back and chilled. It worked and I soon had him in the palm of my hand 😂

He readily admits now that he was smitten and didn't want to seem too keen as he'd decided I was "the one" and he didn't want to blow it 😊

wrongthinker · 01/02/2025 18:19

When you're in the middle of a text convo with someone you're interested in and trying to arrange a date with, no, of course you don't put your phone down and forget about it for hours. Not if you actually like them.

People not being able to understand this maybe got together with their partner before texting was a thing.

ThatMerryReader · 01/02/2025 18:21

Yalta · 01/02/2025 18:16

Does no one just put their phone down and not look at it for hours.
In our house only dd knows where her phone is at any given time,
Mine is in one of about 5 different places and DS has to search for his and probably won’t reply for hours even if he sees the message as he is doing something else

No, you don't do that if you have been talking about making plans for Sunday evening. You keep an eye on the phone circumstances and try to agree on plans and not to leave it to the last moment.
She texted him on Friday evening. Saturday afternoon he had not replied.
That is rude. No excuse.

MayfairRose · 01/02/2025 18:22

BlueisBeautiful · 01/02/2025 16:46

Good grief, you youngsters and your refusal to pick up the phone and text instead. Back in my youthful days we had a landline, if we could afford one. Just call him. Then you'll know either way.

You're funny 😂 I agree with you though.

Pick up the phone, call and everything gets sorted in 2 minutes.

Texting isn't even fun with WhatsApp because everyone is overthinking things -- was message left on read, how long one has to wait to respond. Exhausting.

Just ring or have him ring. So much easier

Starsandall · 01/02/2025 18:29

I think it’s hard but try not to overthink it. 3 hours isn’t that bad. Ask direct questions and he won’t leave you hanging. As you know him already hopefully he won’t play games. Even if you feel like he does don’t do the same. I was more than patient with my dp in the beginning. He just had a different communication style. We got there though!

Ponderingg · 01/02/2025 18:29

What!? Of course just go for food. A 3 hour wait doesn’t warrant making other plans. He could have been in the cinema, out with a friend etc. be thankful he doesn’t check his phone every 2 seconds and is present.

ImANameChanger01 · 01/02/2025 18:31

Don’t go OP, ‘you’re busy’
Let him know that you’ve made other plans now, so maybe next time.

Trust @Hwi @wrongthinker @PyongyangKipperbang and a few other comments as their view is more than likely the right one

Blusterylimp · 01/02/2025 18:33

ImANameChanger01 · 01/02/2025 18:31

Don’t go OP, ‘you’re busy’
Let him know that you’ve made other plans now, so maybe next time.

Trust @Hwi @wrongthinker @PyongyangKipperbang and a few other comments as their view is more than likely the right one

No, don’t play games OP. Go and have a great time.

penelopelondon · 01/02/2025 18:33

MayfairRose · 01/02/2025 18:22

You're funny 😂 I agree with you though.

Pick up the phone, call and everything gets sorted in 2 minutes.

Texting isn't even fun with WhatsApp because everyone is overthinking things -- was message left on read, how long one has to wait to respond. Exhausting.

Just ring or have him ring. So much easier

Show quote history

Ahh... the good ol days when there were no mobile phones or social media... and someone's mom would pick up the phone, now all the family new you had a date and there was no hiding behind screens. I miss those days 😄

(I'm such a dinosaur, but I do believe mobile phones have screwed human interaction)

Uol2022 · 01/02/2025 18:37

Don’t worry about whether double texting is seen as needy or whatever. If you want a response, say so. My usual check is ‘would I communicate like this with a friend’. If yes then it’s not crazy, and if they take it weird that’s on them. Be normal, be confident, assume they like you (even if not enough to want a relationship) and expect them to say what they want / need as well.

I also wouldn’t take a break in a text convo or a few hours (or even days) to mean he’s changed his mind. If he’s repeatedly taking too long to respond I’d probably lose interest but it’s quite normal imo to get distracted and lose track of text conversations.

I’m not the best at dating, just know I cba with constantly second guessing someone who should be old enough to express themselves properly.

Namechangetheyarewatching · 01/02/2025 18:37

I think you shouldnhave taken charge at the beginning...

You, Hey do you fancy hanging out for food (or whatever lingo you use)

Him, yes sure

You great what kind of food? Burger, restaurant, chicken, curry?

Him, oh curry

You, great let me book somewhere for 7.30pm

Go and find a restaurant that's available

You, hey I've booked "bla bla" restaurant for 7.30pm, looking forward to it 😀

Iamnotalemming · 01/02/2025 18:48

As someone who regularly fails to reply promptly to messages I am a bit alarmed about the 'three hours is too long, sack him off' crowd. Good job I'm not dating!

I'd say just go. See what happens and try not to overthink it.

wrongthinker · 01/02/2025 18:49

ImANameChanger01 · 01/02/2025 18:31

Don’t go OP, ‘you’re busy’
Let him know that you’ve made other plans now, so maybe next time.

Trust @Hwi @wrongthinker @PyongyangKipperbang and a few other comments as their view is more than likely the right one

I suspect that the people encouraging OP to go are hoping for humiliating updates. Or they're just keen to present themselves as 'cool girls' who don't even look at their phones.

The idea that having boundaries and demonstrating self-care and self-respect is "game playing" just blows my mind. It's not playing. It's taking yourself seriously. Liking someone doesn't mean you allow them to treat you carelessly. Or let them ignore you and then jump up when they deign to make contact.

If he really likes her, he won't be put off by her showing self-respect and having better things to do than wait around for him. If he really likes her, he'll nail the arrangement down and make sure she knows he's interested. If he's doing some kind of playing hard to get, then OP stepping back will make him realise quickly this isn't the way to get the girl.

But I imagine OP is going to take the bad advice and go on the date with the guy. In which case OP all I can say is DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. He'll dump you straightaway. So unless you're looking for a one night stand, don't do it.

2025willbemytime · 01/02/2025 18:51

No, people are just trying to get@SerenaVanDerW to stop being ridiculous. No one wants anyone to be humiliated.

mindutopia · 01/02/2025 18:54

Just like go to a Wagamama. Poor guy is probably fed up with trying to get a bloody table somewhere and thinking you’re a bit fussy. All this sounds totally normal from his side, except for the 7000 attempted restaurant bookings. Or just meet for a drink and share some nachos or something. This seems a lot of work for a casual maybe date and he’s probably just a bit worn down by it all.

wrongthinker · 01/02/2025 18:55

2025willbemytime · 01/02/2025 18:51

No, people are just trying to get@SerenaVanDerW to stop being ridiculous. No one wants anyone to be humiliated.

She's not being ridiculous. She's just not being so desperate for a man that she'll chase after him even when he's made it 100% obvious that he's not that interested. You don't put your phone down for a whole day when you're texting with someone you're interested in! Unless you're trying to neg them.

ABigBarofChocolate · 01/02/2025 18:58

Just go OP. Life is too short!

diddl · 01/02/2025 18:59

Namechangetheyarewatching · 01/02/2025 18:37

I think you shouldnhave taken charge at the beginning...

You, Hey do you fancy hanging out for food (or whatever lingo you use)

Him, yes sure

You great what kind of food? Burger, restaurant, chicken, curry?

Him, oh curry

You, great let me book somewhere for 7.30pm

Go and find a restaurant that's available

You, hey I've booked "bla bla" restaurant for 7.30pm, looking forward to it 😀

I agree with this I think.

Meal out?

Yes!

Ok I'll arrange & let you know.