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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He never replied

388 replies

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 11:20

26F. He’s 30.

Vibing recently through a new friend group. I can tell he might be interested.

anyway, I texted him to see if he wants dinner at the weekend (so yes I initiated it) He immediately replied ‘Yes!’ within 30 seconds and suggested a restaurant.

ended up texting back and forth every 30 mins because the first restaurant is closed and trying to come up with another restaurant but either fully booked or closed or waitlisted. He tried to book one of them and waitlisted.

he then suggested another restaurant, which as always happy with whatever really. He then never replied after that. This was last night at 9pm.

im sitting here thinking-

  • Does he want me to book this?
  • why hasn’t he replied?
  • Does he still want to go tomorrow?
  • does he want me to suggest a restaurant? Bc I have a few restaurants in mind.
  • I don’t want to double text him… but should I say- what about X restaurant?
any advice would be great!
OP posts:
SpringBunnyHopHop · 01/02/2025 16:54

He was probably wasting time playing along.

Startrekkeruniverse · 01/02/2025 16:56

Definitely go.

He took 3 hours to text back, so what? Maybe he was busy. People baffle me.

heyhopotato · 01/02/2025 16:56

Of course you should go.

Startrekkeruniverse · 01/02/2025 16:58

ItGhoul · 01/02/2025 16:30

Jesus H Christ on a bike. Just go to the bloody restaurant and stop making this whole thing into such a drama. All he did was miss a text, he’s not playing mind games and neither should you. Grow up for god’s sake.

Show quote history

Exactly this.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 01/02/2025 16:59

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 15:40

Tomorrow night.

Show quote history

No point in cancelling after you’ve messed around. Three hours isn’t long for a reply

Weefox · 01/02/2025 17:00

Sadly, some folk get ridiculously anxious when texts are not responded to quickly. Chill! He's probably busy or not in the mood to text. Bottom line - nobody likes desperation!

If you must, send him a brief text later saying 'still up for meeting tomorrow?' You'll get the answer that way.

DowntonNabby · 01/02/2025 17:05

Stop overthinking it and go! It could be the start of something amazing and if you don't go you'll just torture yourself with the 'what ifs'. Have fun!

Weefox · 01/02/2025 17:08

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 12:50

Ok thanks everyone. took everyone’s advice and I texted him.

I texted him “ are we still on for tomorrow for dinner? Shall we try Y or Z restaurant instead?”

no response yet. It’s only been 1.5 hour. I’ll keep you all posted.

thanks for all your advice. I personally wouldnt care if a guy double texted me, I welcome it actually. However, I was told guys don’t like when a girl does that as it’s ‘needy’ or ‘desperate’

However I hardly ever ask a guy out. Not because a guy has to ask a girl out non sense but I have literally no success ever if I initiate. When guys ask me out, I have more success in securing a date (or subsequent dates after that).

Sadly, you come across as pushy, He's probably read the runes.

sonjadog · 01/02/2025 17:11

@LillyPJ Good feelings from interacting with this person or the group, yes. Feeling comfortable and enjoying their company.

namechangeGOT · 01/02/2025 17:11

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 01/02/2025 16:49

I remember those golden old days where we used to ring each other.

I don't know how people managed to begin or maintain a relationship before text messages existed. Imagine having to actually wait, oh the suspense....

sonjadog · 01/02/2025 17:13

Glad he answered! Go on your date and think no more about it. Don't play silly games pretending to be busy, etc. He answered within a perfectly reasonable timeframe - people aren't sitting staring at their phone all day.

TicklishReader · 01/02/2025 17:15

My head hurts just reading all of this. You have a date go and have fun.

nfkl · 01/02/2025 17:17

After her conversation, OP should have thought "I did my move, good on me. Now, the ball is in his camp to make it happen for real. I made one step, now it's his turn". And leave it there.

You make a move, he must make a move back in kind or better, and in action, that's the rule. One step at a time, no skipping.

It's not playing hard to get, it's not about being chased, it is about building equal involvement/effort and not doing all the work because he is not doing anything.

When a man leaves a void, don't fill that void with your good intentions.

Good guys who are interested will show up, in hell or high water, uninterested guys will disappear, bad guys will play sleazeball if given the chance.

Any time you chase, you mess the waters, because you do the work the good guy should make and you give a another opportunity to a sleazeball. And you wind up a bit further into things, and you still don't know for sure if he is that much into you or a good guy.

EasternStandard · 01/02/2025 17:23

Just go

After the texting and stuff see if you like each other

Zone2NorthLondon · 01/02/2025 17:28

Stop all the over thinking he got back in an adequate timeframe, now you’re going on a date
No one is compelled to be answering immediately, maybe he had like,other things to do
Go on date, see if you click

florizel13 · 01/02/2025 17:31

Ohhh people stop going on about the term "vibing" OP is young and most of us on here are not! OP you sound lovely, he's lucky, now that he's texted back go along on the date but don't let him mess you about! I know I'm old fashioned but let him do a bit of the chasing now.

Ilovelurchers · 01/02/2025 17:32

I don't think he has done anything wrong. He clearly wants to go to dinner with joj or he wouldn't have agreed to it.

Only he can know whether that is as a friend or potential date, but you have nothing to lose by giving it a try.

Just honestly try to stop over thinking. I know it's hard when you like someone. And try to keep your options open at this stage. Only time will tell it anything will come of this. But so far it's going in the right directions!

enkelt2 · 01/02/2025 17:32

Well, he's 30 so while 3 hours of silence isn't a lot, he probably is very much aware of the stupid "double texting" thing. If he's that keen he wouldn't have been silent since 9PM last night. What if you never double texted? So what if it was Saturday night? If I were the guy and looking forward to a first date (plus it's a restaurant/dinner kind of date), I would make sure it got sorted Asap. And maintain good communication prior to it.

Regardless of whether or not it is deemed a socially acceptable timeframe, it seems like it's not what you were expecting. That's why you've come here to ask. Either you have a unreasonable standard and will have to adjust, or you will have to get used to his level of communication. Either way, I would already be uncomfortable with this misaligned expectation.

I would go but just to get closure, more or less. Unless something extraordinary happens at dinner which tells me that this guy was worth all that thinking and posting up here, I wouldn't look forward to a second date.

2025willbemytime · 01/02/2025 17:41

There is too much over thinking and angst in amongst game playing. If you want to see him and have food, go. If you don't, don't. Mature men don't tend to like this game playing nonsense. Women shouldn't play it regardless.

BunnyLake · 01/02/2025 17:46

enkelt2 · 01/02/2025 17:32

Well, he's 30 so while 3 hours of silence isn't a lot, he probably is very much aware of the stupid "double texting" thing. If he's that keen he wouldn't have been silent since 9PM last night. What if you never double texted? So what if it was Saturday night? If I were the guy and looking forward to a first date (plus it's a restaurant/dinner kind of date), I would make sure it got sorted Asap. And maintain good communication prior to it.

Regardless of whether or not it is deemed a socially acceptable timeframe, it seems like it's not what you were expecting. That's why you've come here to ask. Either you have a unreasonable standard and will have to adjust, or you will have to get used to his level of communication. Either way, I would already be uncomfortable with this misaligned expectation.

I would go but just to get closure, more or less. Unless something extraordinary happens at dinner which tells me that this guy was worth all that thinking and posting up here, I wouldn't look forward to a second date.

You’d go just to get closure?

It could be amazing it could be not amazing. You won’t know until you go.

AliceSpringsEverywhere · 01/02/2025 17:48

Vibing?

Is this a new word for 'communicating or 'texting'?

September1013 · 01/02/2025 17:49

Omg this thread is exhausting even to read! If you want to have dinner with him say yes. If you don’t then say no. Don’t play games. It really is that simple.

enkelt2 · 01/02/2025 17:50

BunnyLake · 01/02/2025 17:46

You’d go just to get closure?

It could be amazing it could be not amazing. You won’t know until you go.

Show quote history

Yup, it's my sunk-cost fallacy. I think so far the "start" has been not amazing, so something big would have to happen, vibe-wise, to tip the balance.

Hwi · 01/02/2025 17:51

ThatMerryReader · 01/02/2025 12:27

You are getting rubbish advise here, sorry to report.
This is clearly a "he's not that into you" kind of scenario, older than the hills.
If he was, he'd have been in touch with all the date specifics.
Under not circumstances text again or you will feel even worse after that when he ignores you again (or ghosts you).

Edited

Bravo x 3

AliceSpringsEverywhere · 01/02/2025 17:52

You're overthinking it.

I assume by ;dry humour' you mean it's a kind of sarcasm you're both into?

If he's said yes, go.

But he doesn't sound super keen.

Would it not have been a better idea to go somewhere quite ordinary rather than some fancy place with a waiting list? It seems a bit of big deal.