If you are late 40s/50s and have given up on men, how do you not get lonely?

[bringonyourwreckingball]

I will be 50 next week. 18 year marriage ended very badly 2 years ago. Kids are 19 and nearly 17, eldest at Uni. Exh was quite controlling and useless with the children which really limited my opportunities to make local friends. I have done OLD occasionally post divorce, not had great experiences and can’t really see myself ever living with a man again. But my friends are all in relationships and when my daughter is at her dad’s I get very lonely. I have hobbies but sometimes all I really want is some companionship at home. I have tried joining things but more often than not that just makes me feel more alone.

Well, sure *AndThereSheGoes * any man whose hobby, whatever it is, takes over the relationship or makes him boring isn't partner material. But I don't think cyclists, footballers or fishers are any more or less likely to do that than guitarists, golfers or hikers. So if you mean 'don't date men with all-consuming hobbies', fine.
*NowInNovember *my points were intended to clarify and others seemed to engare with them but if you don't like them, skip.
Admittedly, the original point of the thread was avoiding loneliness, but I didn't veer it off in this direction alone and others are welcome to veer it back. FWIW I prefer dating women who are passionate about some hobby or other, but preferably not fanatical. I think recognising and welcoming that in others is less likely to lead to loneliness.

The OP asked a very specific question to other women in her age group who aren't dating. It's a topic relevant to me. You mostly certainly did derail it, @dogfishman, by giving your opinions on cycling as a hobby and what you are looking for in a woman.

I expressed an opinion on cycling because others had already said it was an undesirable hobby, so taking it in that direction. My suggestion was intended to be helpful and pretty much amounted to “Everything in moderation”. I didn’t stop anyone from returning this thread to its original focus, please go right ahead.

Well, your endless mansplaining has done a lot to illustrate why a lot of women in their 40s and 50s might not want to have a bloke in their lives, @dogfishman, so I guess you’ve contributed in that way - thanks!

I’ve been on my own since 2016 and I don’t want ever to be in a relationship. As previous poster said, get busy. I’m a single mother yo a teenager, two dogs, busy job, writing in my spare time. I’m slightly overwhelmed by it all but on I go. One day I won’t be so busy so I may as well do it now. I have brilliant friends, but I keep my social life small because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to do it all! Planning lots of trips this year, starting with Stockholm in April with my best friend of more than 30 years. I love time on my own and crave it! If I had a man in my life I wouldn’t be having such a satisfying life. And I can not be arsed in having to watch boxsets or listen to some boring man droning on.

@dogfishman @shuggles
this thread isn’t for you. You have inserted yourself into a conversation and have brought nothing to it. We are experienced women who have lots of men in our lives and don’t need anything explained. Why can’t you understand that and realise you not not contributing anything worthwhile? Your arrogance is breathtaking and worse, you are ruining a thread where someone wanted advice and reassurance.

I’m almost same age as you, and my kids are same age (have one who is 30 too). I have a lot of friends, in walking group that meets up 3 times a week, walks, pub lunches etc. Busy job I enjoy. I don’t get time to be lonely. I also travel when I can with my eldest son which is lovely. Also have a dog I adore. Did date a couple of years ago, but been single for years and to be honest, it suits me.

Just in case any more men feel they need to come on here and mansplain to us why we need to drop our standards or tolerate unappealing hobbies - we’re in our 40’s/50’s and even 60’s. We’re grown arse women who have had enough years on this planet to know what we do and don’t want without a man ‘suggesting’ to us what we need to accept thank you very much.

Jog on lads we’re all good in here

Btw - the resident scolder is on another thread lecturing women sharing bad date experiences so he can’t help himself

Its hilarious tbh, the total lack of self awareness is mind blowing 🤯

Much easier to moan about women having unreasonable expectations than it is to do some self reflection, I suppose.

DogFishMan very effectively confirming my happiness at being single 🤣

I came to terms with loneliness, likening it to tinnitus, which I also have. Eventually I realised there was nothing I could change about the situation and came to habituate to it. ‘It’ being loneliness and tinnitus. They both rumble along as a constant in my life. Sometimes I get a spike and it reminds me why it was so painful when it started but console myself the spike will dissipate. The spike also reminds me how far I have come in managing ‘it’.

I have a very active social life and do all the things you’re advised to do with enthusiasm. The feeling of loneliness I experience is the absence of a shared connection. I have no close family. This makes me feel lonely.