No judgement please

[Furball0504]

I’ve been married for a lot of years, we have two children, aged 22 and 16. For approximately 10 year my marriage has been more of a very close friendship.
For the last 2.5 year I have been having an affair. This wasn’t planned and something I’d have ever seen myself doing. I do love my husband but just on in the way I love this other man.
We have very recently found out my husband has cancer which has literally blown us all away.
I know I have to end it with the other man. It is going to kill me, it is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
I’m a very private person so there’s no one on my side that knows about this so I am on my own with it and have literally no one to talk to.
I’m friends with a close family member of the other man and see them a lot. I know the other man will move on very quickly (he has a track record for this) and know I’ll have to hear about the new woman in his life.
I know I’ll have to go no contact with him which will be hard, we message constantly so it will be a struggle.
Please no judgement, guess I’m just looking for kind words to comfort me or if anyone has been in a similar situation who can relate.

Well done

Her husband has cancer now, and she's here moaning that she feels she has to end her grubby little affair. Not that she actually has ended it.

'Everyone has But as I said in an earlier post, life and the situations we find ourselves in is not always black and white'

We all face challenges, many of us extreme challenges. Life is very tough snd yes it can impact mental health however that is never justification for lies and deceit.

As we've said as she had managed to conduct this fling and socialised with fling's family members then that effort involved could have been put to more postive use like meeting friends or applying for jobs. Not as exciting granted but more rewarding long term.

She will either align her self-opinion with her actions or carries on lying to herself, in both cases she will be fine.
Do you seriously believe that someone like OP cares about our opinions? She came here for validation and left when she didn't get enough of it.

Of course she can't - she was told in confidence, and it's none of your business in any case.

And seeing as she's gone, why continue to berate her?

@Calliecarpa why? Why would you need to know? Nosiness?
As I said, it's not my story to tell.
I spend my working day helping people with their mental health, I see the different levels and disorders in all their glory and believe me when I say this lady had struggled for a lot of years. And for that alone I admire her.

So you are accepting you did say it then?

I don't know why you asked me to quote it! You literally wrote it!!!!

Don't be facetious.

You claimed I said the husband had 'cancer when the relationship began.' Where did I say he had cancer at the beginning of OP's affair?

So there isn't one then?

I would say, stop asking me questions if you don't want answers 🤔?

Oh come off it. It was implied.

To you, perhaps. Or maybe just respond to what people actually say, not what you think might be 'implied'.

This is tedious.

It sounds like some of the posters who are launching attacks on the op have their own fears in their marriages.

Who is launching an attack? We are criticising the behaviour and the enablers suggesting that loneliness is a mental health problem and that being able to conduct an affair including meeting fling's family yet being unable to work makes sense.

I don't have fears for my marriage at all thanks. The op should tell her dh and let him make an informed decision. Surely you can see that?

"Enablers"???!!

Not at all. Just posters who don't like a pile-on.

Piĺe on?

Read the first page, plenty of folk encouraging keeping om. That is enabling behaviour.

If you had cancer wouldn't you want to know your dh was devastated at having to dump his other women? I would.

Who is launching an attack? We are criticising the behaviour and the enablers suggesting that loneliness is a mental health problem and that being able to conduct an affair including meeting fling's family yet being unable to work makes sense.
I don't have fears for my marriage at all thanks. The op should tell her dh and let him make an informed decision. Surely you can see that?

You know full well who is launching an attack, with one poster demanding details about her mental health.

No. I don’t think she should tell her dh at all or allow him to make any decisions about whether the sham of a marriage should continue. He has made a decision and the decision was that he checked out.

The op should leave what is a miserable marriage. Not for om but for herself.

@Gloriia now hang on a minute, where did anyone say her mental health was loneliness! Nowhere absolutely nowhere! Don't change words to suit your narrative.

'No. I don’t think she should tell her dh at all or allow him to make any decisions about whether the sham of a marriage should continue. He has made a decision and the decision was that he checked out.'

They've both checked out. However, now from a financial point of view he really is entitled to know so he can get his finances sorted.