No judgement please

[Furball0504]

I’ve been married for a lot of years, we have two children, aged 22 and 16. For approximately 10 year my marriage has been more of a very close friendship.
For the last 2.5 year I have been having an affair. This wasn’t planned and something I’d have ever seen myself doing. I do love my husband but just on in the way I love this other man.
We have very recently found out my husband has cancer which has literally blown us all away.
I know I have to end it with the other man. It is going to kill me, it is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
I’m a very private person so there’s no one on my side that knows about this so I am on my own with it and have literally no one to talk to.
I’m friends with a close family member of the other man and see them a lot. I know the other man will move on very quickly (he has a track record for this) and know I’ll have to hear about the new woman in his life.
I know I’ll have to go no contact with him which will be hard, we message constantly so it will be a struggle.
Please no judgement, guess I’m just looking for kind words to comfort me or if anyone has been in a similar situation who can relate.

Quick, get me the very small violin! The more you speak the less sympathy I feel for you.

No, it didn't. It came from the OP herself in one of her particularly whiny, self-pitying, passive aggressive 'woe is me' posts.

Maybe read the thread properly before commenting?

Well he hasn't been in the last 40 years so all is well. Anyway, I didn't say anything about "forgiving" and I haven't advised the OP to leave or stay or whatever. I'm posting because I think the pile-on of censure is horrible. This is a human being. None of us is perfect.

You didn't answer my question. How would you deal with this if the OP was your best friend?

No I don't agree with infidelity, no I don't agree with lying to your husband

But neither do I agree with attacking a poster who is struggling, I would rather just not reply to the thread

And no this does not mean I have cheated on my husband

The sarcasm is unnecessary. I don't re-read the OP before I make every post!!! I forgot!

You're right!

Same here. Nobody knows that lady's state of mind. Hounding her is cruel!

Well for someone struggling so badly she’s done pretty well at getting out and sneaking about to shag her side piece for the last 2.5 years - that’s some deceit this poor hard done by little thing has managed to keep under wraps

Wow @spacepies
There's no need to be cruel.

I would say exactly the same to a friend as I feel about the OP’s actions. There are no excuses in these circumstances.

I would have had more respect for OP had she actually owned it, put her hands up to her actions, took on board what was being said and I’m pretty sure some reactions would have softened, but that’s not what she did is it? She came back on, full of pity and again defending her actions. There are children and a partner with cancer here but they apparently are immaterial…

So you keep taking the moral high ground but I think your whistling in the wind.

Is that necessary?!

As for the best friend question - I wouldn’t stay friends with someone capable of being a lying cheat. I distanced myself from a friend who was sleeping with a married man after telling her my opinion - I’m not a hypocrite

Well I shall continue to "whistle in the wind" - I am happy to be a compassionate person. Morally of course I know the affair is wrong, but the OP knows that and has I'm sure wrestled with it over that time. It would be strange if she had not,

If it was my friend. I'd be there for her. Love the sinner, hate the sin. People are not just one dimensional. I would never berate anyone like some are doing here. It's horrible.

Wow.

It must be wonderful to be so pious, self righteous and smug

And same to you @bollingenTower
If you have nothing constructive to say, why post at all? Such vitriol is incredibly judgmental.

I wonder why she didn't just get a job or do some volunteering if she was boredvand lonely though? A 16 and 22yr old do not need a sahp.

When I took time off due to serious illness and was occasionally bored I met friends and kept active as much as possible. It just did not occur to me to cheat.

And there`s no need for what op as done and doing but this is MN so its okay.

@spacepies Thats not what people have said

Me neither. I knew someone who had sex with a man whilst his terminally ill wife was upstairs in bed. It kind of puts you off folk a bit.

It must be wonderful to be someone who lies to and cheats on her spouse for years on end but still has lots of MNers fawning all over her and making up all kinds of silly stories about how vulnerable she is, ey?

Oh, same to me too? 😱 Is it alright to disagree with you?
It's not so much her predicament, more the way she comes across (really badly).
I don't even see why she wants to let go of her wonderful love story, at this point and find it constructive to point out to the OP that her woe is me me me is pathetic.
(hope you don't mind)

@Calliecarpa ah so you see giving balanced advice and not being nasty as fawning? It explains a lot

What's the 'wow' for? What's wrong with what the poster said? I wouldn't want to be friends with a lying cheat either, or someone who knowingly screws a man who lies to and cheats on his wife.

What on earth are you talking about?

Oh the irony.

Woman thinks man may have exchanged flirty texts... MN... LTB

Woman admits to full blown affair.... MN... is he fulfilling a need, OP?!

Wow.