No judgement please

[Furball0504]

I’ve been married for a lot of years, we have two children, aged 22 and 16. For approximately 10 year my marriage has been more of a very close friendship.
For the last 2.5 year I have been having an affair. This wasn’t planned and something I’d have ever seen myself doing. I do love my husband but just on in the way I love this other man.
We have very recently found out my husband has cancer which has literally blown us all away.
I know I have to end it with the other man. It is going to kill me, it is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
I’m a very private person so there’s no one on my side that knows about this so I am on my own with it and have literally no one to talk to.
I’m friends with a close family member of the other man and see them a lot. I know the other man will move on very quickly (he has a track record for this) and know I’ll have to hear about the new woman in his life.
I know I’ll have to go no contact with him which will be hard, we message constantly so it will be a struggle.
Please no judgement, guess I’m just looking for kind words to comfort me or if anyone has been in a similar situation who can relate.

@Calliecarpa it's really not that difficult to follow

So now who's being pious, self-righteous and smug?

@Calliecarpa I'm just pointing out that it not difficult to follow, that's hardly pious, self righteous or smug

The way you think that you're being so kiiiiiiiiind and accepting and tolerant. Of a woman screwing some loser (who she's admitted will move straight on to someone else the moment she's no longer screwing him) while her husband has cancer 😆

@Calliecarpa You have no idea what I think. However I'm not going to engage with some derailing a thread by trying to start an argument out of nothing. You have a nice evening to yourself

Have a nice evening being the complete opposite of pious, self-righteous and smug!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This.

The affair threads are just an excuse for a pile on. It's not a good look.

And so it continues. OP did say the cancer diagnosis is very recent, so no, she hasn't been carrying on her affair whilst her DH has been fighting cancer. She has ended the affair to be there 110% for her DH and DC.
I am not condoning the affair, far from it, I do however have more understanding of it after speaking to her. This is a woman who is terrified for her DH, DC and herself...is that not a natural reaction.
Yes she is guilty of grabbing at the attention she received from the OM out of loneliness.
Those who said "get a job then, go out and make friends ect...due to her mental health this just isn't possible.
Thankfully OP can't see these comments now, she is no longer on here.
Those kicking this troubled woman when she's at her lowest are doing so for their own entertainment...
I will continue to check in with her, i do have compassion and do believe her "sob story"

I'm sure she'll be fine.

Let's hope so.

No one is kicking anyone, certainly not for entertainment. It was a disturbing thread to read, all the Mills and Boon stuff about the irresistible fling partner(who apparently will move on very quickly he's such a catch).

We can only hope it's been a wake up call for the op and she realises that her dh deserves some trust and honesty. Let's put the cancer sufferer first here shall we?

Her husband didn't have cancer when the relationship began.

'Those who said "get a job then, go out and make friends ect...due to her mental health this just isn't possible.'

Tbf there's no mention of mental health issues rather loneliness which can be helped by volunteering or getting a job. If she's managed to partake in a full on 2.5yr clandestine fling it does suggest she may be able to perhaps function at a work level or a sociable level. Doesn't sound like we are talking about someone with agoraphobia here.

If she is fine, and I truly hope so, it will be in spite of not because of some of the posts on this thread.

Actually we can go one further than that..

Man has a female friend who he dares to talk to outside of work. MN: he’s having an emotional affair, LTB.

Woman has been having an affair for 18 months and is heartbroken because her husband’s cancer diagnosis means she has to concentrate on him. MN: don’t end the affair, if your husband dies you’ll still want someone to come home to.

There really are no words for the amount of positive accolade this woman is getting.

And yes, if my best friend was shagging someone else and had only broken it off because of her husband’s cancer diagnosis, not only would I end the friendship, but I’d tell her husband so he could make informed choices about his life, and hopefully write her out of his will.

So because of her 'mental health' she can't get a job or go out of the house or make/see friends, but somehow she can start an affair, have sex with a new partner, and continue doing that for 2.5 years? Can you clarify how that works? She can't leave the house to meet friends but she can leave the house to screw a side piece?

The OP's first post says 'I’m friends with a close family member of the other man and see them a lot.'

So according to the OP, she can see a friend a lot, but according to you, she can't, because of her fragile mental health? I'm confused. Can you clarify?

And where exactly in my post did I say he did? Please quote it.

I hope she's fine too. I also hope she's told her poor dh and he is now deciding if he wants to stay together or split and I hope he will have the chance to sort out his finances and Will. It's the least she can do now.

@Gloriia yeah and let's just forget about the mental heather sufferer shall we? Do both not deserve a little compassion. No she hasn't painted herself in the greatest of lights...however after hearing the background I will have compassion for her.
I understand people on here are unaware of this lady's situation therefore more difficult for them to show compassion, and it's not my story to tell.
But as I said in an earlier post, life and the situations we find ourselves in is not always black and white.
I admire this lady's strength...mental health is a killer too, yet she's there fighting her demons on her own and trying to support her family through a truly difficult time...yet no one is there for her. We all need someone and this is why I plan on keeping in touch with her.

@Calliecarpa you clearly don't have much grasp on mental health. Must be nice to live a life where everything is so cut and dried.

"screwing some loser....... while her husband has cancer".

She hasn't mentioned mental health issues, only loneliness. Easily addressed by work, socialising etc. Well I say 'etc' i don't mean a fling obviously.

The dh deserves the truth so he can decide the way forward.

You are a lovely and a decent person xx