My sister and I both live five minutes away from my mum, both have two children. My mum has been full time childcare for my sister since her eldest was 6 months old. She obviously really loves them, and they're really lovely kids. They are now young primary age and she has them mornings and afternoon school, and for sleepovers, and every school holiday.
My problem is there is no room for my children at all, and she doesn't want to make room, or consider that there is any disparity in treatment.
Mine are in full time nursery Monday to Thursday inclusive. I've put my mum down as a contact so she can collect them early if she ever wants to spend time with them. She says yes that's great, but then has only used it about twice in 2.5 years. I've spoken to her about it a few times. My three year old now notices and cries about it, as he knows his cousins are there after school. He cries when he hears how my mum has taken his cousins for days out, trips away to his other cousins holiday house, even McDonald's - because she talks about it in front of him. Or his cousins naturally mention all the things they've done with my mum (the cousins are really close). I've previously written a letter to my mum about the favouritism. She is saying there is no favouritism and she is completely fair. The result of the letter is that she now comes around on Fridays (my day off) and takes him to the class that I booked to do with him on that morning. One hour a week term time only (because the other grandchildren are available again in the holidays).
Its now all come to a head because I asked my mum if she'd like to temporarily look after mine one day a week while I am working from home and paid the same rate as a nanny while I sorted something as my eldest is suddenly really struggling in nursery (crying, not eating, not wanting to go four days a week). She was horrified and said she absolutely couldn't do it because she had Pilates that day. I know it's really because she has the others morning and evening.
I have actually managed to scrabble around and sort a temporary nanny for that day in a months time, but I'm just really crushed and upset. I told my mum this and she said I was being ridiculous. At the moment I've said I just want a break from her, and I want to do my Friday class with my own child. Which she views as me preventing her from seeing her grandchildren. I'm not, as we have a family trip next month, my daughter's birthday, and she can collect them early from nursery anytime that suits her. I don't know how to deal with it going forwards, and feel so sad and resentful. How do I let this go and get past it? Do I let it go? Will it be more damaging for my children if I let this continue?