Help - boyfriend doesn't trust me

[Namechange2609]

name change for this -

My boyfriend of approx 5 months doesn’t trust me. I haven’t done anything to make him doubt me, but he has serious trust issues of his own which then project onto our relationship. He finally opened up fully about his insecurities last night (phone call) that he does not 100% believe he is the only man in my life - he is and time after time I have told him this, reassured him and gone out of my way to show him transparency with my phone. He has many demons and allows these intrusive thoughts to create a false character of me when we are not together and it’s really taking its toll. After our chat last night, we agreed (again) we will continue to work through them together. I woke up this morning to find out he started following me again on socials.. to then he confessed he had blocked me on everything as his thoughts took over and he was up being sick all night with anxiety about me. He’s now in a complete hole and is thinking very negatively.

please can someone just advise on how I get through this with him? I honestly love him so much and can see my future only with him, but I also need to have more solid boundaries for myself where I’m not constantly wondering if I’m going to be ignored or blocked today.

just to add, he does suffer with depression

thanks for reading if you got this far and please be kind x

Not worth it, 5 months in and already acting like that?
It'll only get worse

Thanks all

i am a good woman and mother with so much love and respect to give. I will not have my character ripped apart

it’s just a really sad feeling - sorry if I sound really pathetic!

Only he can fix this. He would need to recognise it is his problem and that he is off the scale controlling.

Under no circumstances should you pander to his anxiety by showing him your phone etc. His anxiety is not rational and won’t be resolved by “proof”. His demands will just get more extreme.

After 20 weeks of dating there should be no ‘working on’. It should be all sunshine & roses. If he’s showing you how broken he is at this stage he’s doing you a favour.

Do you want a project to manage or a problem to fix or do you want fun, friendship, romance. (You can’t fix him either)

I see you have 2 daughters, your energy needs to be focused on them not some broken man.

I went out of my way to show him my phone just because I didn’t know how else to prove it

@Namechange2609 you're risking your own emotional safety and more worryingly, your children. This is way beyond a bit of insecurity.

Don't put them at risk and don't let them see this as a normal relationship dynamic.

Put your family first.

I'm still reeling from that awful cross bow murder and Kiena Dawes suicide. So at the first sign of abusive behaviour all women should run a mile. We need to stop normalising abuse. Obviously I'd hope to god that guy would never ever hurt you but this is how they start and I wouldn't take the risk. Plus psychological abuse is awful enough even without violence on top x

This is so beyond him just not trusting you. If it was just an trust issue it could be dealt with but with him it's also about his insecurities and need to control and creating false images in his head that overtake him being able to think straight. If it's like this now, there's a hof chance it will just get worse and worse and he becomes dangerous. You have to put your and your children wellbeing first. End it.

End it. It will only get worse. His behaviour is controlling and abusive and you have kids to think about.

Please don't continue this relationship. His concerns are his own. They are not your problem, nor are you obliged to have to keep reassuring him. You have to build trust in a relationship, you've only been together a short time and he hasn't even given you a chance to do this. He's leapt straight in with his insecurities. He is unstable and trust me, this is only going to get worse. I wasted a good couple of years with someone like this. It was torment and for a year after I finally got away from the relationship, I was constantly looking over my shoulder.
End it now for your own peace and sanity. 💐

Please end this now before you are in so deep you are drowning. And your children .
This is a massive red flag. You hardly known someone at 4 months so potentially a lot of being kn his best behaviour so far but it qill all.come out in time and it wonr be pretty.

Tell him (or if it helps you, tell yourself) that in a few years rhings may be different for him if he does a ton of work on himself. Dont hold your breath.

Do u have past history of solid secure relationships? Do u knkw how to spot red flags and why on earth is this not screaming ref flags at you? That's worrying to those who have read your post.

Do not bring an insecure controlling manipulator into your DC’s life. There are red flags all over the place here - take notice!

Women are not put on earth as rehabilitation centres for inadequate men. He’s already projecting and controlling getting you to jump through hoops to prove yourself after a few months - this will not get better.

Your children must come first. Pursuing a relationship with this man will have a detrimental effect on their lives if only because of the stress it is causing you .... and will continue to cause.

He really does create false images. We spoke for almost two hours last night, prior to that he thought I was speaking to someone else as I went quiet (he didn’t reply to my last message), and after that conversation he still allowed his demons to take over and it sounds like he lost control.

i 100% recnognise it isn’t healthy. When we are together it’s amazing, when we aren’t.. bang I’m a whore

Did he actually call you that?

please cut ties with this man for your daughters sake. You deserve more.

before my long term relationship broke down, I was with someone who cheated on me constantly and broke me down. He was 11 years older than me.

i then got into a relationship with someone who was very safe, but unfortunately our relationship hasn’t worked out and it broke down after nearly 11 years of being together.

this is my first relationship since my ex. He hasn’t met my children also

No he didn’t call me that but that’s basically what he’s thinking

Then he obviously isn't amazing is he.

You’re already wasting your precious time , 2 hours on the phone in a Saturday, talking about him, him, him & him.

Where are your needs in all this?

He sounds dangerous, please get away from him.

No, it's only 5 months and he is already controlling you. Do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

You need to be very careful in choosing any potential stepfather for your DC. He will be, statistically, the most dangerous person in their lives. This one is evidently emotionally immature and controlling. A definite no.

It sounds like you need to do some work on your self esteem and understanding healthy romantic relationships. I think that feeling of loving him so much is something that you are projecting and absolutely nothing to do with him.

You are already do things to placate him. He’s controlling you. Get away while you can op please. This isn’t a bit of insecurity. This is either full on paranoia or else a way of controlling you. Either way, get away. Put yourself and your Kids first.

I think what I try to do, is project what I know a healthy relationship onto him but I KNOW I am not getting it back, and forever living in hope he will turn a corner

i am a sad cow aren’t I. Clearly I have very low self esteem and low expectations for myself which is so sad

100% full paranoia