DH wants sex again

[Nellyelephanty]

Have small children and I’m pregnant.

We had sex last night (I came and he didn’t as he’d had a few drinks), he wants sex again tonight. I said no and he’s upset, a bit pissed off.

He wants to schedule sex, I have no issue with that. I said once a week and again he’s not massively happy with that. I just feel pestered. He keeps saying how much he fancies me etc how pretty I am but I don’t think it’s that. He also says he needs sex to feel loved and connected. I think it’s reassurance and validation to him. It’s an ego thing

I feel worried because having sex with him doesn’t seem to stop him asking for it the next day (like I hope). If anything it just feeds the beast.

Help pls!!! He wasn’t always like this, before children we would have sex maybe 2-3 times a month

You’re not his sex toy. What is he doing to make you want to have sex with him? Other than pestering and thinking it’s his God given right?

Me and DP were averaging 4 times a week until I became pregnant again. Now it’s 1-2 times per week. He’d love more but I’ve told him he can sort himself out the other times 😂 I work full-time, sort daughter out, do dinner and laundry and then want to crawl into bed most of the time x

You don't want sex you don't have sex pregnant or not.

Could it be that he feels displaced by the children and, as you say, is using sex as reassurance? Either way he needs to give his head a wobble.

I don’t think it’s unusual to want sex with your partner? I’d have sex every day if the opportunity was there.

Equally, If you don’t want it, that’s ok too, You need to sit down and discuss this like a partnership.

Seems you are just having sex to keep him happy and hoping he will stop asking. Of course he wants more sex with his wife it would be unusual if he didn’t. The issue is
seems to be you lack of sex drive?

Her sex drive is the issue?

Wanting sec more than 2/4 times a month isn’t unreasonable.

do you always not want sex or have it to placate him. Or is it due to pregnancy life etc?

He's lucky with a few times a month!! I'm 35 weeks pregnant and haven't had sex in 2 months. Too tired and cba😅even In early pregnancy probably once a month. If he was pestering me id be hitting the roof. Growing a bloody humans so tiring the last thing I think about after the days done is having sex!

Yes mis matched sex drives. Nothing in the OP has the DH doing anything wrong. If OP doesn’t want sex, she needs to communicate that to him and they need to talk it through.

I’d like sex once a week. I’ve never wanted it every single day so this isn’t out of the ordinary for me. When we met we had sex a few times a month so I expected that to be our base level as a couple.

I suppose if he had wanted it every day when we met I would have thought we were incompatible and probably not continued the relationship.

I also don’t really enjoy the style of sex he does (hard fast jackhammer style). I’ve tried to communicate what I like but it doesn’t really get through.

This.

Hugs and love. I have been here and feel for you. Pregnant and looking after another child . Exhausting ! Then feeling pestered and under pressure whilst pregnant- I am sure you don’t want sex all the time ! Hugs xxxxxx

Only way to address this is to talk to him.

Bloody hell OP..that sounds pretty dire .. (last paragraph). There's more going on there ...you say no, he's passed off. You feel.pestered. you now you say this. You are not a sex toy or an object.
No sex is better than that.... really it sounds bloody awful.

When I was pregnant my srx drive was off the scale, I'd be tearing his clothes off as he walked through the door 😂
When I got pregnant the second time my baby I already had was only 10 weeks old!

This needs a wider conversation about how much sex to you is reasonable and the style of sex you are having.

peoples sex drives to adapt and change through age. But specifically if the sex isn’t enjoyable, you should say this. And plainly don’t talk around it.

Small kids and pregnant. I'm not sure about you but getting your cervix banged isn't really high up the priority list really. It's bugger all to do with sex drives.

So how do you compromise?

should I be having sex every day / other day just to make him happy. Should he be having sex once a week just to make me happy. I don’t know how this is supposed to work to make both people happy

Good for you.

Never have sex to make someone happy.

What's he trying to do, does he think he can dislodge the pregnancy?
He's being very unreasonable - putting you at risk of harm, damage to your cervix at least.

No, you shouldn't ever be having sex you don't want. That's the deciding factor - do you want it, or not? In this case, you don't want it. Not even once a week, as far as I can tell.

He needs to engage in some serious wanking. If he genuinely wants connection with you he should try making your life so wonderful that you can't resist him.

No.

if you don’t want to have sex then don’t. Unfortunately there’s no compromise when it comes to bodily autonomy.

but it is fair to be open about your desires and your limits. It is also fair to your partner to know how you feel so they can make informed decisions.

Talk, but talk before your get innit the moment. Talk before the initiation, before you’re even in the bedroom.

Don't have sex you don't want. And certainly don't go along with types of sex you don't enjoy.

He's going to put you off completely the rate he's going.

I don't know what the resolution to this is, if your libidos are mismatched.

But the whole jackhammer thing means he doesn't really care if you're enjoying it or not, so sod that.

Thanks for replying.

so he’s seriously into wanking, once or twice a day. He just says he’s a red blooded male etc. I think it’s the over wanking that’s making his sex style very hard and fast. If I had sex with him every day maybe his sensitivity would return a bit more and the hard fast sex would stop? I don’t know.

So he tried really hard to be a great husband and dad today. He did loads of helping etc so it’s not an issue with that. I suppose that’s made him even more sad that he did all the nice things around the house and still didn’t get sex.

I guess for me we had sex last night and that satisfied me. So it’s like I’ve eaten a meal and someone’s offering me another meal, I’m just not hungry. Even for all the compliments in the world.