DH wants sex again

[Nellyelephanty]

Have small children and I’m pregnant.

We had sex last night (I came and he didn’t as he’d had a few drinks), he wants sex again tonight. I said no and he’s upset, a bit pissed off.

He wants to schedule sex, I have no issue with that. I said once a week and again he’s not massively happy with that. I just feel pestered. He keeps saying how much he fancies me etc how pretty I am but I don’t think it’s that. He also says he needs sex to feel loved and connected. I think it’s reassurance and validation to him. It’s an ego thing

I feel worried because having sex with him doesn’t seem to stop him asking for it the next day (like I hope). If anything it just feeds the beast.

Help pls!!! He wasn’t always like this, before children we would have sex maybe 2-3 times a month

He also needs to be willing to work on this together. That doesn’t mean changing you, it means learning what you enjoy. You might be more open to having sex more if it was a much more loving and pleasurable experience, not a means to his end.

Can you give a bit more to that/ expand on that

How long have you been together?

You’ve clearly tried to tell him so by this point it’s not that he hasn’t heard it’s that he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want the kind of sex you want.

almost 8 years

There's quite a lot going on here OP.

How to compromise - have a conversation about sex and come to an agreement that works for both of you. The person who wants the least sex obviously has more power but once a week sounds reasonable.

Technique - I haven't met any women who enjoy jackhammer sex. Men who think this is enjoyable for women tend to watch porn and either don't have much experience or simply don't care about their partner's needs.

You could ask him to look at omygodyes to learn more about sexual technique and pleasing your partner.

Is he taking something to have increased his sex-drive so radically?

Usually couples have a lot of sex in the beginning of a relationship and then it finds a level. Seems odd to have started off fairly infrequent and then increased so much.

You say OP that he is masturbating twice a day. Is he watching porn?
If he is it would explain a lot.

A really good point and I’m thinking this seems really possible. I agree it’s the reverse of a small decline in sex over the length of a relationship. It definitely feels like it’s been upped in recent times

So he’s really into the gym and supplements, takes lots of different vitamins and creatin and protein. I don’t the exact details tbh

yes definitely porn

That would be up to the individual couple to agree upon. Taking into consideration tiredness and so on.

Well that's helpful 🤨

So how has he reacted when you've told him that you really don't like jackhammer sex?

I'd rather go without completely than be used like that!

Hmmm sounds like he is taking something with testosterone in it, which is making his sex drive much stronger.

Well if he is watching porn every time he masturbates it sounds as though he has a porn addiction.
Porn desensitises men and makes them incapable of having a normal relationship with a real woman.
So really the way you describe the jackhammer sex he is just using your body as a substitute for wanking. You and your enjoyment don't really matter to him.
I'm sorry but I don't see things getting any better with him.

Can he get a sex toy? Flesh light type thing? He needs to help himself out! I've got a lower sex drive than my husband so I get it!

Lovely

I think it’s time for the: I love you but this sex is shit conversation.

I don’t see how else you can get through to him if he hasn’t listened by now.

Steroids.

Scheduled sex? - ICK
Jackhammer style - ICK
Being a great husband and dad in order to be 'rewarded' with sex - ICK
Being married to a porn addict - ICK
Your DH is a sex pest - ICK

Before even reading the whole thread when it came up, I could tell from his sudden change of libido that porn was to blame.

So basically, his ego was struggling with his wife being preoccupied being a mum and being pregnant, so he turned to porn, which then got him into wanking himself silly twice a day isn't it lovely that a man with children has the spare time to watch porn and jerk off twice per day. He then pesters you for sex, despite probably being tired from having young children and you know, being pregnant, because his wrist hurts so he wants a warm vagina to spunk in, so begs and pesters, emotionally manipulates you, then if you still don't give in, he sulks like a petulant child.

I'd love to know what this prick's redeeming features are? All these supplements and gym & porn addictions, and subsequent change of libido would be giving me the ICK, in case you hadn't already noticed, and I'd be rethinking my marriage in all honesty.

DO NOT have sex just to keep him happy, being coerced into sex is NOT ok.

It's NOT your fault that his porn addiction has increased his need for sex, that's his problem to deal with and don't you dare feel guilty for saying no.

Not even started on his selfish jackhammer style, to be perfectly frank, he doesn't give a shit about your wants, needs or desires. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this selfish dick? He sounds repugnant.

If you don't want sex just tell him no he can't make you. Get him a vibrating penis masturbator.

www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/male-sex-toys/male-masturbators/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=14345381922&gclid=CjwKCAiAtNK8BhBBEiwA8wVt9wf9DhUwQSB5FKD9ZK8-8PqvhA01jiVQrWtY9sGvIsF5Mal6WYfgDRoClR4QAvD_BwE&lh_cpt=gen&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAtNK8BhBBEiwA8wVt9wf9DhUwQSB5FKD9ZK8-8PqvhA01jiVQrWtY9sGvIsF5Mal6WYfgDRoClR4QAvD_BwE

And then comes the inevitable 'my wife doesn't love or understand me'

I would guess he’s taking Anabolic Steroids which can cause hyper sexuality.
This would explain why when you met and until recently he wanted sex about 2 or 3 time a month.
Ask him to come clean about his bodybuilding “supplements” and I think that will be your answer.

Wow what a charmer. He sounds highly desirable 🙄

What do you suggest then?

Get him one of those Monkey Spankers
https://www.amazon.co.uk/monkey-spanker-E24442-Monkey-Spanker/dp/B00FOS0Z4O