DH wants sex again

[Nellyelephanty]

Have small children and I’m pregnant.

We had sex last night (I came and he didn’t as he’d had a few drinks), he wants sex again tonight. I said no and he’s upset, a bit pissed off.

He wants to schedule sex, I have no issue with that. I said once a week and again he’s not massively happy with that. I just feel pestered. He keeps saying how much he fancies me etc how pretty I am but I don’t think it’s that. He also says he needs sex to feel loved and connected. I think it’s reassurance and validation to him. It’s an ego thing

I feel worried because having sex with him doesn’t seem to stop him asking for it the next day (like I hope). If anything it just feeds the beast.

Help pls!!! He wasn’t always like this, before children we would have sex maybe 2-3 times a month

What? You can have sex while pregnant. The issue is op doesn't want to.

As someone on the receiving end of constantly being rejected I can say it is soul destroying. That being said I would never guilt, or coerce him into having sex to make me happy, I want him to want me if that makes sense.

I don't think there's much of a way to fix a relationship if you're fundamentally incompatible in this way. It breeds resentment like nothing else.

The more you have sex the more you want it usually (if you're enjoying the sex)

Someone wanting to schedule sex would make my vagina buy a one way ticket.

Op I'm not surprised you don't want jack hammer style especially when pregnant! Would make you nauseous and worried about the baby being shaken about I imagine!

I would HATE scheduled sex. Oh dear its Saturday at 7... spread them... commence the jack hammer 🤮🤢🤮

I don't think you should have sex you don't want. I don't think you should do it to get it over with or because it's expected. Realistically, I don't think JACKHAMMER style is really fun for anyone except him. He sounds like a selfish lover.

I get that and that’s what he says, it’s soul destroying to be rejected so often.
I feel a bit torn though that he only wanted sex a few times a month when we were childfree and half the time even used to reject me.
its like since we’ve had babies he’s on some hyper sex drive thing. It’s different from the person I met. Like he feels trapped but I feel like I didn’t sign up to this when we met. I wouldn’t have continued a relationship with this sex expectations

It's a mismatched sex drive. This will only get worse in the years to come. They need to reach an acceptable compromise.

You obviously need to talk to him; but it sounds like you have done, and he doesn’t want to listen to you. That isn’t caring and loving, it’s selfish. He shouldn’t want to be a part of the family so that he gets sex, that’s the deal anyway. You are a family, he’s a part of it and takes part in ‘chores’ and ‘being a great dad’.

His style of sex is a problem to you, but he isn’t interested in how you feel about it? Not the attitude of a loving, caring partner.

It sounds like HE needs to address what’s behind the change; if he cares about you, he will.

He needs to not waste his once a week time on a drinking night.

Pls give an example of an acceptable compromise in your books

Jackhammer? It sounds like he needs to learn some skills. Nothing lowers the libido as much as bad sex. Tell him, in no uncertain terms that he needs to up his game significantly. There’s loads of information available - but porn isn’t it. Stop putting up with this op!

Dh and I are always mismatched. I’d have it twice a night for a week and then none at all for the rest of the month, and he’d like it every 3 days or so but only in the mornings.

Neither of us have sex we don’t want, and no thanks is always final, but there’s also times where we’re a bit more focused on the other’s pleasure than our own.

But if he was a jackhammer, he’d just have to wait until I was absolutely desperate. You need to raise the bar off the floor.

I also don’t really enjoy the style of sex he does (hard fast jackhammer style). I’ve tried to communicate what I like but it doesn’t really get through.

I don’t quite understand why you would marry someone who’s bad in bed?

He's supposed to be a lot more loving and considerate when you do have sex

He's clearly all about what he wants

He's not constantly being rejected, they had sex yesterday!

My ex was a sex pest. I put up with it for far too long, don’t be me @Nellyelephanty you are worth more.

How much porn does he watch?

Sorry to hear this. It's always difficult when desire is not the same :(

That’s definitely on me. I thought we would learn each others bodies and sex would inprove with time and communication.
my previous LTR was great sex but missing other essential things.
So when I met my husband I thought hmm sex could be improved but loads of other things are good so it’s just something that we will have to work on together

So you’re saying he was a good dad and husband - then disappointed this didn’t result in him getting sex.

he should be being a good dad and husband every day, irregardless of sex. It should not in any way be a performance to make you more likely to give him what he wants. That’s not being a good husband/father, that’s being manipulative.

I have no idea the exact amount, definitely multiple times a week

She hasn't rejected him. They had sex yesterday, and given thst she's pregnant
..

Too much, clearly

Has his head been turned?

I feel like there's a whole load more to this than him wanting sex two days in a row OP.