DH wants sex again

[Nellyelephanty]

Have small children and I’m pregnant.

We had sex last night (I came and he didn’t as he’d had a few drinks), he wants sex again tonight. I said no and he’s upset, a bit pissed off.

He wants to schedule sex, I have no issue with that. I said once a week and again he’s not massively happy with that. I just feel pestered. He keeps saying how much he fancies me etc how pretty I am but I don’t think it’s that. He also says he needs sex to feel loved and connected. I think it’s reassurance and validation to him. It’s an ego thing

I feel worried because having sex with him doesn’t seem to stop him asking for it the next day (like I hope). If anything it just feeds the beast.

Help pls!!! He wasn’t always like this, before children we would have sex maybe 2-3 times a month

Ah. No-one said you couldn't have sex while pregnant. Jackhammer sex can damage the cervix - I speak from 'lived experience'.

There’s 2 different issues going on here. I answered the one that OP first laid out in her OP- you are referring to the subsequent drip feed about him being shit in bed.

There was no reference to jackhammering or porn in her first post. She was simply unhappy at having sex once a week. For many people, that is not a lot of sex. However, I wouldn’t want to have shit sex 4 times a month either!

These threads always seem to descend into posters just doubling down their entrenched views. I was even accused by a previous poster of not knowing what I thought because I suggested there’s a couple of perspectives to this ( and a few interpretations of what’s going on)

we don’t have his perspective. We don’t even know the situation.

OP and her DP clearly need to communicate a lot more! That would be a start.

OP- have you told him that you don’t want to have sex because the way he’s approaching it is really offputting?

You’re misread me. I don’t have an issue with having sex once a week. I have an issue with having sex once a day

OP, I agree with people who have said a selfish or ignorant lover is a massive drag on a woman's libido. Once you hit the menopause your tolerance for rubbish sex will nosedive. You need to have honest and open communication with your husband now before you get so resentful you reach the stage you want to be left alone completely

I would have a conversation with him. You are going off it because it is crap. On top of the busyness of life, you don't need another chore on the form of crap sex.

He needs to read She Comes First, Ian kerner, and both of you should read Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski to use as a basis for from some honest conversations about your sex life.

Surely the compromise is , I'd be more keen on sex if you were better at it?

Ask him if he's taking anabolic steroids.

Don't have sex you don't want to have.

He's getting conditioned to sex feeling like masturbation instead of of being a loving and pleasureable act between two people. He's not considering you at all here, he's using your body as an object. Yeah, that's a turn off.

Apologies- I meant to write having sex more than once a week.

but it doesn’t negate what I said- there’s clearly a mis - match on libido and not enough communication between you. Granted- He isn’t handling it well. It woudl give me the ick too. But you married him, so I guess you actually like and love him?

you really need to talk to him about this, otherwise this is only going one way.

id suggest a counsellor as few of us are great at talking ( or hearing ) about our preferences and performance when it comes to sex. It would help you get your point across

😂wtaf she’s got a monumentally high sex drive if she’s working full time and is looking after small children AND is pregnant. He should be grateful she wants to at all. He could try and take over all her duties before bed so she can rest if he fancies more, but their joint priority is not exhausting her.
OP seems intelligent and thoughtful (as well as energetic) and has spotted that there’s some deeper issue. It could be jealousy of his kids, it could be he wants some attention, it could be someone at work he fancies that he’s trying to get out of his system even, we don’t know.
But on no planet is a pregnant full time worker mother of small children who still sleeps with her husband at fault in any way. Where do you get those weird ideas? The narcissism sex doll catalogue?

Have you been in a cave for the last month?

Who says her sex drive is lacking? This is the new normal for her? The issue is being pestered into having sex and OP aiming to appease her husband😏

I'd let him know that if he wants it more often, he has to make it better for you.

He sounds very selfish about it from start to finish, especially with his style in bed. The neediness would add to the turn off for me. He's just adding one more job to your plate! Like you aren't doing enough for others all day!