DH wants sex again

[Nellyelephanty]

Have small children and I’m pregnant.

We had sex last night (I came and he didn’t as he’d had a few drinks), he wants sex again tonight. I said no and he’s upset, a bit pissed off.

He wants to schedule sex, I have no issue with that. I said once a week and again he’s not massively happy with that. I just feel pestered. He keeps saying how much he fancies me etc how pretty I am but I don’t think it’s that. He also says he needs sex to feel loved and connected. I think it’s reassurance and validation to him. It’s an ego thing

I feel worried because having sex with him doesn’t seem to stop him asking for it the next day (like I hope). If anything it just feeds the beast.

Help pls!!! He wasn’t always like this, before children we would have sex maybe 2-3 times a month

And steroids?

@Nellyelephanty Porn and know doubt steroids .

You have to think about what you what long term
He doesn’t really satisfy your needs . He doesn’t take into account your feelings. .

If it was a one off I’d have had sex today as he was feeling frustrated. But his behaviour is very off putting .
Why don’t you lay down boundaries . No porn and no steroids. .

Maybe the relationship has ran its course.
I’m not sure how there can be a compromise

She's pregnant, for goodness sake, don't you know how tired that can make you feel?

I’ve read all your posts OP. Do you have a shared sense of what sex is, that it’s something you do together for mutual pleasure? Because it’s coming across as something that he wants, expressed as a need, that doesn’t really consider you? You describe him carrying out the act in a way you don’t really like, as if he is using you to wank into. I don’t mean to be offensive, but he seems so remote from considering your pleasure and participation.

The porn is affecting how he has sex with you and he is probably getting porn-induced erectile disfunction (PIED) if he can't ejaculate.

He needs to stop watching porn and retrain his brain about sex. The hand is also much stronger and tighter than a vagina so he will find it difficult to enjoy sex without the jackhammer.

You can try saying that porn is like action movies - it's unrealistic and fake. And it doesn't care about women's enjoyment.

There is advice about reversing PIED by abstaining from porn on the internet if you look. Maybe move him in that direction.

I'm honestly disgusted by the amount of women advocating buying this prick sex toys.

I read online that Trump is going to make that an offence (seeing to yourself) My question is how is he going to police that?

He's not thinking about what YOU want, OP. Sex should be mutually desired.

@MyrtleLion has it. He needs to stop watching porn, stop taking whatever supplement he is taking and stop wanking.

Then you need to talk more about sex. You should be able to tell him that the jackhammer does nothing for you and you need him to slow down and be more sensitive to your needs. The reason he couldn’t’t come wasn’t the drink, it was the porn/wanking addiction.

Are you saying the only reason he helped around the house was to get sex?

Tenga Eggs are quite something, if my husbands reaction is anything to go by. and not that expensive.

The issue is his sense of entitlement, pestering and sulking if he doesn’t get it.

What sort of person gets turned on by having sex with an unwilling partner ??
OP is agreeing to sex but he then just wants more.

I’d have thought “ scheduling” sex would be a turn off too. Like you have to perform. Best when spontaneous, mutual and loving.

He tried to be a good husband and dad today and was then upset he didn't get sex?
He should be being a great husband and dad anyway, without expecting anything in return.
You shouldn't feel forced to have sex, if you don't want to. I generally think you should go with the person who has the lower sex drive and I say that as someone who went months without sex (from an ex). It wasn't my choice.
If you want sex once a week he should respect that. Have you asked why he wants sex so much more now than his did before you had kids.

Yes . And pps want to reward him with toys.

Since I had my daughter two years ago we have had the same issue. I just do not want to have sex very often. There’s a lot to it but also it’s hormonal. I do try to connect and we do have sex once or twice a week, but it’s an issue. You aren’t alone OP. But I do also understand for the partner who has more desire it must be frustrating.

DH and I will usually have sex daily, some times more and generally will only miss it if either of us are feeling unwell. If it was up to my DH we’d be having sex 4-5 times per day. I would consider myself as having a high sex drive but I think probably the ideal frequency for me would be every other day. I do always enjoy our sex, but sometimes if I’ve had a long/stressful day or am knackered, I know I probably don’t put as much effort and energy into it as I otherwise would; operating a little ‘on autopilot’. That said, I would never do it if I really didn’t want to and DH would never force it or guilt trip me into it either.

I couldn’t look at sex as something I would give my DH one day in the hope to put him off asking the next. We both consider sex as a really important part of our marriage and this comes across as really cold and transactional.

You need to find an opportunity to have a calm, respectful conversation with your H about this. Sex is a vulnerable and intimate act that should bring closeness and pleasure for you both. If what/how he is doing it isn’t giving you what you need to be fulfilled, he needs to know that so he has the chance to do something about it. If after explaining this he doesn’t change, I think you may need to consider if this relationship is the right one, for either of you.

OP, I think you will have to just tell him straight that this isnt working for you, ask him what he thinks would be the best way forward. Remind him that sex is for mutual benefit and that a mutually agreeable compromise should be sought.
You should NOT allow him to treat sex as if it were a service which you are obligated to provide for him on his terms.

(Jesus wept you are growing his child in your belly, what more does he fucking want😡you are a person not an appliance!)

What are you doing to increase your libido?

Have you tried (1) taking vitamins and supplements (2) going to the GP for help (3) speaking to a therapist (4) just going down on him or having a bit more sex to compromise?

All brilliant advice I’ve seen on threads recently where the OP’s partners’ have had lower sex drives.

If I were in your shoes, I would explain I’m exhausted and not in the mood for sex, however perhaps getting some help around the house (ie hiring a cleaner once a week) or husband helping out more, getting some more ‘real’ time for me (getting a massage or going to a spa for the day) maybe it would change things.

I think it’s difficult as there’s got to be a balance that suits you both, and at the same time it’s important to have that closeness physically and not end up like some couples who only do it on special occasions and sometimes look elsewhere to get what they need.

Also if you’re feeling rubbish due to pregnancy hormones, perhaps explain to him you need a break and please don’t put pressure on you right now (I am currently pregnant as well so I get it).

Having a conversation together is the best first step. Wishing you all the best x

Presumably those men weren't pregnant and being wanked into by a porn addict.

You make a good point. Next time one of those threads come up you should ask the OP if she’s any good in the sack.

Is it Ops fault that those threads exist?
No.

I'm all for defending men but not in a completely irrelevant context

What is HE doing for her?

Where is HIS consideration for the fact she's pregnant with his baby?

SHE doesn't need to do a bloody thing!

You missed the irony in my post. The person who wants less sex never has to do anything to change was exactly my point.

I honestly don’t think any of us can give you a proper answer on this, it’s something that fundamentally needs to be worked out between you two as a couple. For example, I wouldn’t mind having sex even when I’m not particularly feeling it because my partner does the same for me, but I can appreciate many people would feel objectified by this.

IMO the fact you don’t enjoy the style of sex he goes for probably has a massive impact. Maybe he should lay off the porn to be able to connect with you in a real way instead of thinking all he has to do is plow away.