No family, friends disappeared since the pandemic and redundancy. Joined groups, voluntary work, night schools since age 18 and tried being neighbourly but got used, flaked on or let down. I stopped being a people pleaser and not coming across as desperate as that puts people off and you attract the wrong sort. No difference.
Since I had to go to hospital on my own a few months ago I finally dropped the rope as I'd had enough of chasing, caring, hoping, wishing, seeing the best in people, making excuses for them and waiting. Another patient, a complete stranger was very kind and that was the tipping point. It was clear I have nobody and from then on couldn't unsee it. I respect people have their own lives, yet only wanted me when it suited.
Since decided not to join anything, stopped volunteering and looking for friends just to get the same result. Found another job but not good so do the minimum. Busy getting qualifications, job hunting moving far away as have somewhere ready.
The last month though a few have reached out with Christmas cards. A friend who told me I was family yet hasn't bothered in years, even after I kept in touch and sent his son cards and presents sent a card and voucher. A neighbour who has never spoken started talking to me last week as I loaded a hire van to start moving. Invited me to call around for a cup of tea anytime.
Another from childhood for over 40 years who made so little effort in return for many years, rang for a chat yesterday and whilst it was amicable, I was distant and kept it brief. She lives three hours away. I visited her many times but she wouldn't come here or meet halfway, without reason. Just took for granted I'll always be there. She doesn't return my calls or letters. She asked if I was okay as I didn't sound right and said she'll call again in a few weeks.
Tbh I don't care anymore. Why are they bothering now? It's sad as there was no need but I'm done being hurt and angry and have also got used to no company. I've completely detached, I had to and they don't like it and are confused. This might be passive-aggressive but I see no point in explaining it to them. I did twice years ago after being used for a few years. People either deny or get aggressive because they don't like I've seen the truth and won't be a mug anymore.
I've not told anybody I'm going.
It would be interesting to hear from anybody who's been there. How did you handle people reaching out when it's too late? Thanks in advance.