Clare's law request

[olivietolivie]

Has anybody ever done a Clare's law request, been invited to a police station for disclosure and it not be a deal breaker? I've got an appointment next week and it just feels strange continuing to be 'normal' around the guy when I imagine it's all going to end next week. Or is it? Would appreciate some views as I feel a bit muddled.

However, if I'm being truly honest - I think I am worried about how I could go about ending it and it be done safely

@olivietolivie you posted that in March. Six months ago, you were worried about your safety with him.

Now you're telling us that he rapes you. You're telling us that he's trying to get you pregnant.

Are you still afraid to break up with him? Is that why you haven't ended it?

Just because it feels different to the abuse you experienced before doesn't mean it isn't abuse now. It's just a different form.

So he rapes you. He's a rapist.

Please leave him

Oh OP I just noticed you said you were planning for him to meet your daughter around summer holidays time. I bet he has hasn’t he? 😔

Oh OP. Never been so heartbroken by a post, mainly because you’re walking straight ahead with eyes wide open and still insisting it’s all great. This is horrifying, truly. I despair.

How can rape, stealthing and unplanned pregnancy be small? Seriously get a grip or are you winding us up?
Just because he isn't hurting you to the degree precious partners have doesn't make him great or loving.
When your pregnant and throwing up, in discomfort sleep deprived he will still be raping you and then physical violence typically starts.

OMFG.

Jesus wept @olivietolivie

It doesn’t just READ awful, it IS awful. It’s beyond awful. HE IS A RAPIST. HE IS RAPING YOU AND WILL FORCE YOU TO HAVE HIS BABY, TYING YOU TO HIM FOR LIFE.

How can you keep your daughter safe when you are accepting this in your “relationship”? Seriously, WHY are you making these excuses? Don’t you remember how good it was at the start of your previous abusive relationship? Yet this time you are CHOOSING THE ABUSE. WHY???

He puts on the loveliness so you dont think he's all bad when he rapes you, which is exactly what is happening. He wants to get you pregnant to trap you, then the abuse will escalate.

Please end the relationship (safely with support).

A good, healthy relationship means you don't have forced sex, and don't have to negotiate condom use.

Just because it's an improvement from your previous relationship doesn't mean it's good and healthy.

Why do you find it hard to accept what people here are saying? How do you define 'not hurting me'?

Do you mean that your body produces lubricant and it doesn't hurt? It's a myth that the vagina doesn't produce lubricant during rape and assault.

"the sex part - it is primarily that he doesn’t accept when I don’t want to and forces me to."

OP. What are you doing?

It’s like watching a film where you scream, “don’t go into the cellar “ only this is real.

I've been reading for a while OP but with your recent update, have been moved to comment. What I'm not understanding OP is why, if it's such a good relationship, does he not take into account your wishes when you say no? Could it be that he doesn't value anything you say, you actually don't count and the only person that matters is him and what he wants? Every time you 'allow' this to happen, you are reinforcing in his mind that you don't value yourself enough so why should he.

Please please take this boundary pushing very seriously. He is trying to make you pregnant so you're trapped. And then he'll escalate. It's a well-known behaviour in abusive men. And have you thought through what happens if you get pregnant and for example, you say you don't want the baby?

I can imagine it must be upsetting to have people overwhelmingly saying the same thing but please listen as it comes from a place of real concern. Oh, and please report him to the police for rape.

Is your daughter present when he rapes you?

Will you tell your daughter that if a man is nice to her most of the time she should let him rape her?

Can’t you put your daughter first? This isn’t right. No relationship is worth your dignity. And no relationship is worth risking the safety of your child.

Wow I've just released my exh raping me every night was fine because he paid the bills and treated me OK some of the time.

😢😢😢

Oh op.

What is going on that you think this is okay?! 😢

He's is an abusive rapist with a past. You were afraid to break up with him six months ago. Please please think about your daughter.

Isn’t it delusional? Crikey. He forces me to have sex against my will but it’s ok because it’s only a small part of our relationship? 😱🥶

Wait. What?? You have a child? Oh my good god this is terrifying ! What is wrong with you??

You can’t argue with stupid 🤷🏼‍♀️

I can't remember the last time I was so upset by a thread. He is raping you. You are so emeshed you can't see it. You have a daughter. I am terrified for her.

I'm so upset and troubled by this thread.

Please think about it this way OP. If your DD came to you and said she's with a lovely guy but he forces her sometimes to have sex but doesn't physically hurt her. Allegations of DV were made against him but he seems nice... Would you think that was ok? You wouldn't, so please look after yourself and her. End it safely with this man before you get pregnant and trapped.

Your partner raping you isnt a small part of your relationship. You cannot introduce a rapist to your child.