In my more abusive relationship, I continually questioned and doubted myself, because nothing he ever did was ‘that bad’. The effect was pernicious over time, however.
In my current relationship, it felt weird to begin with because I was on high alert waiting for the red flags, and they didn’t appear. I remember a conversation with a close friend about it and saying something that he did or didn’t do, and she looked at me and said, “But that’s what normal relationships are like. Have you never had that before?” It was a little bit heartbreaking because no, I hadn’t. This is my first one with no element of game-playing, coercion, manipulation, fear, or anything else like that and I didn’t get into it until my forties and after five years of being on my own (which was crucial, actually).
@olivietolivie as pp said, we aren’t trying to bully you. We are worried for you because of our own experiences. From all that you’ve said about this man, we think he is an abuser, and the moment he sees you as being under his control - if you let him be 1:1 with your child, if you move in together, if you become pregnant - he will ramp it up. And believe me, it doesn’t have to involve any physical violence on your person to be incredibly destructive; I left as a shell and 100% it contributed to my breakdown several years later. What will you do if he behaves spitefully towards your little girl? A thread recently that happened, they moved in and he started blanking a small child. Again it isn’t much, on paper, but it’s huge. Please take in what we’re saying to you.