Regret bringing my husband to the UK. How can I make him leave?

[maddiejo]

I brought my husband over to the UK on a spouse visa (anyone who knows the process would know how expensive and stressful this can be).
He's from a non-European country (don't want to be too outing) and we meet whilst I was on a trip there a few years ago.
Fast forward to now.. He's been in the UK for just over a year and we have a young baby. Since the baby was born, I've noticed some serious and worrying changes in my husband... He's become really abusive verbally and mentally. Not physical (although has threatened me with it). He stays out all night with his phone switched off, gets snappy when I ask where he's going, and is getting more and more nasty about me. Keeps criticising everything about me from my pregnancy weight gain to my cooking. I've know for a few months that I want him gone (as in sent back to his home country) because of the way he treats me. The only thing holding me back is that he say if I leave him, then he would take our baby back to his own country with him.
I've spoken to the police about the situation (they're aware of my wish to leave and have put some kind of alert marker on our home address incase of any 999 calls). I asked them not to make him aware that I had approached them for advice or to voice my worries.
Anyone here ever left such a situation safely?

I'm very sorry that you're going through this. I'd contact women's aid if you're able to use live chat I need help - information and support on domestic abuse, or if it's easier to talk over the phone, contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247. They can advise you on next steps to take. I think your first step will be leaving with your child (the above support will help with this and can provide a safe place to go if you don't have anywhere), and then working out if revoking the visa is possible once you and your child are safe. 💐

Do you have your baby's passport? If you do, make sure you have it in a safe place he doesn't know about. If not, apply for it before he can.

Do you own your house together? Or rent?

The only thing holding me back is that he say if I leave him, then he would take our baby back to his own country with him.

He cant do that if you take appropriate steps.

I'd take proper legal advice and start divorce proceedings but in the meantime i would be hiding or destroying the passport contacting all relevant embassys(theres a notification / flagging system on new passports for children).

I'd either rent somewhere new yourself or look to have him out of the family.home if owned / mortgaged

Log everything with the police and video / voicenote the abuse where possible.

Are you in the position that you can secretly arrange somewhere else to live and just flee the area without telling him? In your situation I wouldn't trust him and his actions if he knows you are leaving.

Does he have indefinite/permanent leave to remain in the UK as your spouse?

Or is there still a time limit? Is his being granted leave to remain in the UK conditional on your support?

Speak with a solicitor who understands UK immigration law.

He cannot simply 'take the baby' out of the UK. Do not listen to anything he tells you about what he CAN do, but be very wary of what he MIGHT do.

Can you and the baby safely leave asap?

Why can’t you just split up and not worry about where he lives? He has a right to see his child after all.

I think he could argue that he needs to stay for the baby to get a Visa. I suspect he has used op to do so. Op, are you still sponsoring him or can he qualify in his own right, does he work?

This. Get proper legal advice asap. Does your baby have a passport?

Is his home country a Hague signatory? Either way, put a flag on the passport system for your baby before you tell him you're divorcing him.

Would your family be supportive?

It might be best to pretend, ie play nice, keep him sweet whilst strategically and methodically getting everything organized and sewn up out of his sight.
Let him think you are too dumb to out-maneuvre him and then he'll be blindsided when you do.

Because he is abusive and therefore a threat to the op and her child.

So sorry to hear you are going through this... i just cant imagine what your going through everyday make sure to log everything ge does with police talk to solitor and i would contact womans aid immediately xx💪 stay strong my friend x

He cant take the baby out of the country without your permission that is illegal.
The courts will not allow him to just take your baby anyway during the divorce, you are the one who can provide a stable home for your daughter in the uk, not him as he does not have permeant residency in the uk.
Women do get primary custody of their children anyway.
Do not let this man ruin your life. Escape whilst you still can x

I think you need your focus to be making sure you and your baby are safe in this country as you have no control over whether he will be allowed to stay in this country or not. It will depend on many things including his visa and his ties since his child is here.

It's great that you've spoken to police. Have you got friends and family who know the situation?

My opinion, for what it's worth, is you should ensure your child's passport is with you, if they have one. And work out where you will live going forward / file for divorce.

Good luck.

@Christmasgiraffe makes a good point. But I am very cynical and wonder if men who want to do this can tell the passport office that the child’s passport has been lost and get a replacement without the child’s mother knowing. I hope they can’t but it might be worth checking

Anytime you want to talk im here for you my name is lesley im from scotland and stay in tayport x😘

This.

OP, it is possible to have your child’s passport flagged and ask for a port alert to stop your child being taken out of the country, although you have to renew i5 each month. Does your child have dual nationality?

I would also leave the child’s passport with my mum without telling DH.

Be very sweet and smiling and nod and smile while quietly making your arrangements. You might have to go the route of “take the baby to visit a friend or relative for a ‘holiday’ and then start making excuses to stay longer and spinning things out as you make your long term plans.”

Get legal advice and police support to leave him safely, taking your baby with you, and see if you can get him deported for coercive control/threatening behaviour towards you. Perhaps marrying you under false pretences, ie, true colours only showed at a well know point in an abusive relationship, when you had a baby?

Don't worry about your DH, you will never be able to kick him out of the UK, especially as you have a child together, so concentrate on doing the right thing for you.

All the women whose ex husbands have taken their kids to - mostly - Middle Eastern/Arabic countries and never seen them again would be testament to the fact that it does happen and happens very frequently

Strategically can you get him to return home on a visit solo and cancel your sponsorship of him while he's gone ?

Does he work in an industry that he would qualify for a skilled worker visa ?

Prohibited steps order, now! Get a flag put on her passport to ensure he can’t take her out of the country without you. Make sure all yours and your baby’s documents are safely stashed with a trusted relative. He can get hold of other copies of her birth certificate but do anything you can to stall him obtaining his country’s passport for her.

Is he from a Hague Convention signatory country?

Don’t even think about taking your baby abroad to meet his relatives - not even to keep up the pretence of playing nice. Please seek some legal advice and make a plan.

Move out first with your baby and be safe.
Inform the home office you have split up and you no longer are sponsoring his spouse visa
As your child is British, he could apply for a family visa based on his relationship with the child but he needs to have a meaningful relationship with them
He probably won't be asked to leave the country but, if he goes home to visit, he might not get back in if his visa is cancelled

I doubt he wants to return to his country ( because what’s stopping him ?) and I don’t suppose he wants to take the baby. That’s just a threat to keep OP under the thumb.

I suppose the marriage is recognised in UK ( clutching at straws here, but…) otherwise you will have to look at divorcing him. If it’s more than a year, I don’t think you need his ‘consent’. I don’t think you will be able to get him deported , though, because he now has a child in the UK, and criminals have been allowed to stay because they have a cat.

This.
Plan your exit. Don’t give him a clue. I did this years ago albeit not with his children so it was easier but it’s still possible.
This won’t get better, he could get violent. You’ve started the ball rolling with the police, talk to Women’sAid next and plan from there.