Regret bringing my husband to the UK. How can I make him leave?

[maddiejo]

I brought my husband over to the UK on a spouse visa (anyone who knows the process would know how expensive and stressful this can be).
He's from a non-European country (don't want to be too outing) and we meet whilst I was on a trip there a few years ago.
Fast forward to now.. He's been in the UK for just over a year and we have a young baby. Since the baby was born, I've noticed some serious and worrying changes in my husband... He's become really abusive verbally and mentally. Not physical (although has threatened me with it). He stays out all night with his phone switched off, gets snappy when I ask where he's going, and is getting more and more nasty about me. Keeps criticising everything about me from my pregnancy weight gain to my cooking. I've know for a few months that I want him gone (as in sent back to his home country) because of the way he treats me. The only thing holding me back is that he say if I leave him, then he would take our baby back to his own country with him.
I've spoken to the police about the situation (they're aware of my wish to leave and have put some kind of alert marker on our home address incase of any 999 calls). I asked them not to make him aware that I had approached them for advice or to voice my worries.
Anyone here ever left such a situation safely?

That depends entirely on the other country. Nationality & citizenship varies hugely. Some countries (such as the UK) have no issue with dual nationality, so a person born outside the UK to a British citizen otherwise than by descent will automatically be British for his entire life, even if he never so much as sets foot in the UK. Some countries' rules (such as Bangladesh) provide that a person born outside Bangladesh will be Bangladeshi until he is 21, but has to "opt in" before that age to continue citizenship. There are many variations.

Prohibited steps order, now! Get a flag put on her passport to ensure he can’t take her out of the country without you.

This.

If his Immigration status depends on Spousal Visa once you and DC are away and safe report your separation as you are legally obliged to do to the Home Office:

https://www.gov.uk/visas-when-you-separate-or-divorce

If you are at risk above link helps with DV also: Make sure he cannot run up debts in your name including cancelling utility bills, council tax etc if you leave. Get all your mail redirected and don’t let your baby out of your sight. Change your phone number too.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/immigration/problems-with-a-visa/visas-after-a-divorce/

Send the bugger back.

I actually had a Nigerian man abroad try to persuade me to have a baby with him - because of this.

At the time I thought his suggestion that we have a baby (in what seemed to me to be a casual relationship/situationship).was utterly weird and I didn't realise what his aim was.

It was only years later when watching a documentary about "visa geezers" that detailed a man (Ghanian in that case) trying to persuade his girlfriends to come off the pill a and get pregnant, that I realised.

I presume the reason he went for the baby angle is that it's more secure/long term (and also he was married to a local and probably thought he might get caught committing bigamy if he married he and the authorities were organised enough to pick up on it).

He "forgot" to tell me about the marriage to the local lady incidentally.

@maddiejo

First off, right now you need to 'go stealth'. Quit talking about leaving, keep your plans and thoughts to yourself whilst you get those ducks in a row.

Immediately seek legal advice. Try to find a solicitor familiar not only with divorce, but with immigration/visa issues and the Hague Convention (if he's from a Hague country. Your situation will be complicated by the fact that you have a child with him. You really need to understand the ramifications and issues surrounding this. But I feel safe in saying that you can't 'get him deported'. Think carefully about stories in the news. There are murderers, rapists, terrorists and the like who are not deported for one reason or another, usually something to do with 'family life' or 'breach of human rights'. They may be in prison, but they are still there. Do ask the solicitor about it, but don't get your hopes up.

For now, go quietly and seek DV counseling. They are best placed to tell you if his behaviour rises to the level of domestic abuse. If so, start quietly building a case. DV specialists and your solicitor will be able to help you do this in a way that is safe for you.

What is your housing situation? Own jointly or yours before marriage? Rent jointly or in only your name? You can't (to my knowledge IANAL) force someone out of a jointly owned or rented home and there are issues around kicking a spouse out of a home, regardless of whose name is on the deeds or rental contract. Again this is best advised by a solicitor or a housing assistance agency.

If you have a place to go and you fear for your safety, then go. Your life is not worth staying no matter what your situation is. And please seek IRL support. Contact a friend or relative and confide in them. And if by some chance you are no longer in contact, ask yourself why. It may be that he has alienated you from them, or them from you. If this is the case, call them. I am willing to bet they have been praying for your call. You may have to hear 'We told you so', but it will be worth it for the love and support they can give you. Even if they aren't able to take you in or help you financially, their emotional support will be invaluable.

If he has baby’s passport he can just disappear. Thats what thousands of abusive partners have been doing to mothers for decades. He’s not going to announce to authorities his intentions is he. Not a lot OP can do once they’re there.

I have seen the same very recently.

The family weren't over reacting and no one was or is jealous.

Some people are very, very capable of manipulating.

You must have seen people get into relationships where you know from "tells" that the writing is on the wall.

In the case I know the man had the whole backstory down. Was so super-charming particularly to her parents, who were the first to smell a 🐀

It started to become obvious when he would object to her spending her own money, and when she was required to meet clients for social events.

But she was hook, line and sinker once the visa stuff started to roll and the emotional blackmail of what would happen if he got deported.

I agree, but I wouldn't prejudge it. My main point was that OP should tell the HO about her separation as soon as she has, so they can do whatever is necessary to reassess her "D"H's immigration status.

This - along with all other suggestions being made re your safety - in terms of your baby - flagging passport to authorities , removing DC passport, hiding passport in another house or with someone you trust - then this will make it a bit harder for him to remove DC.
good luck and definitely go stealth with any of your plans xx

Because there's a strong chance he'll abduct the child?

Would have thought that was pretty clear

OP, please read @AcrossthePond55 's post. It is very helpful.

You have to start quietly reaching out to the immigration lawyer, DV charities and real life support to stealth plan your exit. Keep it on the low and quiet to avoid tipping him off.

Well they obviously did have an idea, which was the right idea

No they didn’t, they just made a lazy, racist judgement. They are just fortunate that this time it was correct but 99% of the time they would have egg on their face.

You have no idea of the race / ethnicity of the OP or anyone else. This thread isn't an opportunity for you to self indulge in throwing allegations of racism about. Shame on you.

‘Overtonswindow’

Subtle 🤔

Do you think the man's character wasn't obvious to others?

Immediate Safety

Call the Police: If you or your child are in immediate danger, call 999. The police can protect you and help you leave a dangerous situation.

Contact a Domestic Abuse Helpline: Organizations like Refuge (0808 2000 247) or Women’s Aid can provide advice, support, and safe accommodations.

Emergency Custody: If you believe your spouse may act imminently, you can apply for emergency custody orders through the Family Court.

Child’s Citizenship: If your child is a UK citizen, the law generally prioritizes keeping them in the UK unless it is proven to be in their best interest to leave.

1. Grounds for Deportation

Violation of Visa Conditions: If your spouse violates the conditions of their spousal visa (e.g., working illegally, overstaying, or committing a crime), this could be grounds for deportation.

Criminal Activity: If your spouse has committed a crime in the UK, it could lead to deportation proceedings.

Relationship Breakdown: If the relationship breaks down permanently (e.g., divorce or separation), their visa may no longer be valid. However, this does not automatically lead to deportation; they may apply for a different visa or other leave to remain.

2. Legal Process

The Home Office would need to be informed about any relevant changes in circumstances, such as the end of your relationship. However, they will investigate thoroughly before making any decision.

You cannot directly deport your spouse; you can only report relevant information to the Home Office or the appropriate authorities, who will decide based on UK immigration law.

3. Preventing International Abduction

Inform the Passport Office: Notify the UK Passport Office to prevent your child from being issued a passport without your consent.

Contact the Home Office: Inform them about your concerns regarding your spouse’s intentions to leave the country with your child. This can prompt them to monitor or restrict their movements.

Airports and Borders: You can ask the court for a Port Alert, which informs border authorities to prevent your child from being taken abroad without your permission.

4. Seek Legal Advice

Contact a family lawyer with expertise in child custody and international family law. They can help you:
Secure custody of your child.

File for sole parental responsibility, if necessary.

Navigate the Hague Convention (if your spouse’s country is a signatory) in case of international abduction.

5. Support for Abuse Victims

Domestic Abuse Support Services: Reach out to local charities or support services that can help with housing, legal advice, and emotional support.

Children’s Services: Notify your local council’s children’s services if you’re concerned about your child’s safety.

6. Documentation

Keep a record of any threats, abusive behavior, or evidence (e.g., texts, emails, or witness statements) to support your case.

Document any concerns about your child’s safety, including your spouse’s threats.

It’s not racism it’s realism backed up by facts. He has become unpleasant since the birth of the child. I grew up in a North African country, my parents met the French consul out there, 90% of his caseload was dealing with french women divorcing local men and having the children taken away. In most Muslim countries, the law states ( in accordance with the Coran) that in divorce the father retains the children.

OP, leave the baby’s passport with your mum, sister, best friend, anyone you trust.

a baby will never be taken away from a mother unless she is a threat to herself or the baby so whatever he says, it is all bluff. Even so you don’t want him trying to do a runner with the baby- psychos do exist.

you want to get the best advice possible from the people who know the system, get your ducks in a row OP. Have your own savings account, spend time with people who lift you up, don’t let his abuse wear you down.

thankfully he hasn’t been here that long so it’s going to be easier for you to get back to life before he came 💐 best of luck

I’d like to add, make sure you log out of your emails etc and keep your communication with legal aid totally hidden. Change your phone password in case he knows it, I’d take every measure possible :) if he pays for the internet he can log in and see a full list of websites accessed so use your data or use public wifi if you must x

Of all the comments I hope OP takes note of this one ☝️

Agree with the above. Before you do anything you need to get you and baby somewhere safe.
I also brought my husband here on a spouse visa in 2012.
If he is here on a spouse visa for 2.5 years, you do have the option to tell the home office that the relationship has broken down and his visa will be invalid. He can apply to stay via the right to family life route on the basis his baby is here, but he would need to demonstrate an established relationship with the child, etc and that is a different visa type so he would need to repply and pay again.
If his visa is cancelled he may be a risk of leaving the country so you need to take steps to ensure baby isnt left with him on his own. The risks are different depending which country he is from.

Contact home office and let them know that you don't want to continue this relationship and get his spouse dependent visa cancelled. This will lead to him leaving country. Get your baby UK passport, that way he can't take the UK citizen out with him anywhere without your permission and ask him to leave the house. There is no chance he can take away the baby when he himself won't have any right to be in UK.
Also, report him to police for domestic violence to ensure he doesn't starts claiming asylum and be ideally deported back. Don't tolerate an arsehole like him, bin him asap.

Regarding visa: it’s dependant on the main person so if you legally separate and/or divorce, it will be rescinded. You MUST tell the home office immediately. I would legally separate