Regret bringing my husband to the UK. How can I make him leave?

[maddiejo]

I brought my husband over to the UK on a spouse visa (anyone who knows the process would know how expensive and stressful this can be).
He's from a non-European country (don't want to be too outing) and we meet whilst I was on a trip there a few years ago.
Fast forward to now.. He's been in the UK for just over a year and we have a young baby. Since the baby was born, I've noticed some serious and worrying changes in my husband... He's become really abusive verbally and mentally. Not physical (although has threatened me with it). He stays out all night with his phone switched off, gets snappy when I ask where he's going, and is getting more and more nasty about me. Keeps criticising everything about me from my pregnancy weight gain to my cooking. I've know for a few months that I want him gone (as in sent back to his home country) because of the way he treats me. The only thing holding me back is that he say if I leave him, then he would take our baby back to his own country with him.
I've spoken to the police about the situation (they're aware of my wish to leave and have put some kind of alert marker on our home address incase of any 999 calls). I asked them not to make him aware that I had approached them for advice or to voice my worries.
Anyone here ever left such a situation safely?

He might be able to get the baby a passport from his own country. I'm not sure how it works for all countries but if a British citizen has a baby abroad they certainly could, I'm Irish and my kids born in England can have an Irish passport so I think that is something the OP needs to be aware of.

Thanks for the links. Sounds cloak and dagger and meticulously planned but she did it and got away. Good for Katie.

OP, important not to tip him off. Keep your cards very close to your chest and be as nice as you can to him before you push the button.

Wishing you strength and luck.

It's not fascist to want violent criminal men from overseas removed from the Country and placed back from whence they came.

Keep you baby's passport away from your husband and also apply to the court for a "prohibited steps order"; that would prevent from taking the child abroad without your written consent.

No, they’d need evidence from the person who applied for the passport as the passport office are well aware this is a tactic used so they have some safeguarding rules in place.

Do as much research as you can that does not leave a trace. Ideally do it when you are out of the house. Is he tech savvy and likely to surveill you or your devices. Does he like security cameras and the like?

Can you intercept all mail that comes to the house e.g. from the passport office, if you do apply for one for your baby. If not, consider whether you can have mail sent to another address or just email correspondence. If you are planning to move to another location and away from him, it makes sense to start re-directing the mail there.

Ideally wait until he is out of the country for a longish period of time before doing any major moves with the authorities.

One thing about the police or authorities is that they can take a long time to get moving. So don't expect them to have the same sense of urgency. I did a similar thing in another country (different circumstances) which has an efficient police and home office. They still moved at the pace of a snail.

He can apply to stay in this country as he has a child resident of the UK. He would need to prove he has presence in child's life (e.g.pays for expenses, photos of time spent together,etc.)

What's the situation with his spousal visa, OP?

I am really sorry he is not the person you thought he was
I would play sweet and calm with him and report every incident of abuse to the police to build up a picture.
See a renowned immigration solicitor urgently who will advise you of the immediate steps and future actions.
I believe spousal visas are time limited, but his DC will change this
You can then start divorce proceedings
Sending you love and strength

Absolutely this.
I did this for years until I was eventually able to outsmart my ex and leave him. He thought that he was clever and was plotting to take everything and leave me, but actually I got smart and quietly made my own plans.

Hope you get through this OP and come out the other side without him and in a much better place!

I'm sorry for your current situation OP which sounds untenable. If and when you do separate from your not-so-DH, it's important you inform the Home Office as only they can "curtail" or "cancel" his spousal visa, which would mean shortening it to just 60 days (i.e. he would have 60 days to leave the UK).

Get some legal advice. Start documenting all of the abuse.

My friend married a man from Tunisia. He was lovely until he got his feet under the table. Now he's off having affairs and she's still having to work overtime to meet the VISA conditions. I think she's too embarrassed to kick him out because this is exactly what most of her family and friends warned her would happen.

Where's he from?

Every time he is physical / abusive make a call to the police. He needs a bad record against him, to help your case.

Give the child's passport and birth certificate to someone he doesn't even know and would never suspect.

Flee when you can.

OP can't "kick him out of the UK" but the Home Office can if his visa is conditional on his relationship with OP (he's only been here a year so it's unlikely he has ILR). It's crucial OP tells the HO as soon as she separates from her DH that she has done so (in fact, the .gov website makes this requirement clear). It will then be up to the HO to decide whether to curtail or cancel his visa.

Are you totally oblivious to the many cases where the father whips the young children out of the country never to see the mother again? Given he’s threatening to take them, I’d be putting things in place to ensure he doesn’t get his bloody hands on them

Shame on her family and friends for making judgements like that. They had no idea that her husband would turn out to be a user.

Sometimes, people from the outside can see clearly what's going on, or if something is off, when a loved one is concerned.

Sounds like they did though? It's what usually happens to desperate women...

You sound just as judgemental as they did. ‘Desperate?’ Sounds like you’re just jealous with that kind of language.

Been in your situation. Be very careful, first find out if country is a Hague signatory as if he succeeds you could get child back. Don’t forget he can get a passport from his own embassy here, so could easily travel. Don’t want to worry you but that’s what he would do and then there would be no warning and no link to you when he leaves. He may be bluffing or not , May dump child on his mother abroad to spite you. What I did was wait until my kids were old enough to refuse to travel, but we had been together a long time, so it was only a couple of years. To be safe I would go underground and keep moving and keep off social media completely. Then make sure school do not put photos on the net at all. Good lick

A person with a British child is likely to be able to get a visa to stay as a parent (depending on the circumstances), that much is entirely true.
The cat thing is a load of complete nonsense, however. Never happened.

In terms of getting rid of him I think you need legal advice based on his visa type. If, without your marriage, he has to leave the UK then I would say try to find a safe place with your child and then initiate divorce proceedings immediately. If he can stay here without you then obviously you have a harder job on your hands. Good luck OP, it sounds an awful situation to be in.

OP, I'm sorry you are in such a difficult and upsetting position, and having a baby makes you feel much more vulnerable.
Do you have family support, or very close friends who can help? Talk to a parent, sibling or mate first if you can. Secondly, whether or not you have that close support, you need legal advice. Women's Aid is a good place to start, and the police should be able to refer you to relevant organisations.
Thirdly, make sure the baby's passport is somewhere safe. The above organisations should also be able to help you with a prohibited steps order and other relevant measures. Your child might well be a dual citizen, too, so bear that in mind.