Regret bringing my husband to the UK. How can I make him leave?

[maddiejo]

I brought my husband over to the UK on a spouse visa (anyone who knows the process would know how expensive and stressful this can be).
He's from a non-European country (don't want to be too outing) and we meet whilst I was on a trip there a few years ago.
Fast forward to now.. He's been in the UK for just over a year and we have a young baby. Since the baby was born, I've noticed some serious and worrying changes in my husband... He's become really abusive verbally and mentally. Not physical (although has threatened me with it). He stays out all night with his phone switched off, gets snappy when I ask where he's going, and is getting more and more nasty about me. Keeps criticising everything about me from my pregnancy weight gain to my cooking. I've know for a few months that I want him gone (as in sent back to his home country) because of the way he treats me. The only thing holding me back is that he say if I leave him, then he would take our baby back to his own country with him.
I've spoken to the police about the situation (they're aware of my wish to leave and have put some kind of alert marker on our home address incase of any 999 calls). I asked them not to make him aware that I had approached them for advice or to voice my worries.
Anyone here ever left such a situation safely?

If your baby has British citizenship via you it's not likely your husband would be removed from the UK. You need to work on getting yourself out of marriage and forget about that.

Yes, do this, the Katie Holmes approach. Good advice here. The threat about the baby is primarily to frighten you but doesn't mean you should discount it.

Realistically he isn’t going to leave the UK. You need to find a way to get yourself to safety and disappear. Women have been killed in these situations as the baby is all he needs to stay. Be careful. Do you have family who can help you? Reach out to women’s aid and get help to leave. Do not breathe a word to him before you are gone. He is already 10 steps ahead of you.

I would not put too much store on having possession of the child's passport. You can buy false passports or get replacement passports as @Lurkingandlearning suggests. In any case, babies can look the same.

I believe that so long as the baby has the same last name as the parent (at the airport) in the passport, they will be allowed to leave the country together. I did not change my name and so have a different last name from my dcs. I had to travel with my marriage certificate when the dcs were young to prove I was their mother.

Therefore, also keep the baby's original birth certificate and marriage certificate with you and destroy all copies. If he has copies, that might be all he needs, but try to make it as hard for him as possible.

Even if he were deported, I don't know if he can still come back on a tourist visa. Something to ask the immigration lawyer.

I think you need to gather all the information and then act at once.
In the meantime if your baby has his/her own passport give it to someone you trust for safe keeping. Do the same with birth certificate.
Be careful whom to choose. E.g your mum might not be the best person as she might have her own opinion about the situation or your partner might frighten her. Do you have a trusted colleague who is not known much to your partner?

Men are strongly inclined to underestimate women, this is because they tend to be very status hungry. The dumber he is the greater will be his need to think that he is cleverer than you.
Women should use this to their advantage.

@maddiejo

I would go to see a solicitor, OP.

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

What is the Katie Holmes approach? Did she need to do all that to get out of her marriage with Tom Cruise and Scientology?

When I left my ex, I told him my work needed all my documents to do a CRB check (before DBS days). I got everything I could and my boss put it in the safe at the central office.

My ex from abroad (not my children's father, thank goodness) - no one gets deported. I dream that Interpol will find that he has done something terrible in his country of origin but I don't think he has, he's just a pain!

Report to the HO that you no longer support the visa and supply police reference. I think they will undertake checks. Noted spike in women doing this and HO seem to be taking this seriously. That said I don't know the outcomes of the process. Like PP engage with domestic abuse services as well.

Well he managed to marry his way into a western country which suggests he has some modicum of intelligence.

Better advice would be to follow some of the suggestions already posted on the thread, rather than play mind games with the type of person that uses someone to get what they want.

I imagine that the fact that he came to the UK on a spouse visa has a bearing on this. He may not be able to stay in the UK if they split up. And may not want to.

You don't get it do you. OP is worried that he is going to take the baby away from her to another country.

Best not to use real life names and locations on a forum
Its anonymous for a reason

Plenty of children are removed from the UK without permission. I’d get away from him as fast as you are able and as others have suggested, get alerts placed if able to.

The port alerts only last for 28days and any extension needs to go through a court.

Take a look at this link:

www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/missing-person/missing-persons/parental-child-abduction/#:~:text=Contact%20the%20other%20parent's%20Embassy,a%20passport%20for%20your%20child.

Yes. Play nice, make arrangements but come up with 'innocent' reasons why you need to do things. Most importantly get really good legal advice. Katie's dad was a shit hot divorce lawyer, luckily for her.

https://www.yourtango.com/entertainment/how-katie-holmes-strategically-planned-divorce-tom-cruise

https://www.marieclaire.co.uk/news/celebrity-news/katie-holmes-secret-plan-to-leave-tom-cruise-146823

Did you miss the bit where the OP says he is threatening to take the baby to his home country if they split up?

I assume you've sponsored him on a spouse visa, so his visa will be for 2.5 years. You need to leave the relationship, regardless of what happens on that front, you can alert relevant authorities that the relationship has ended but that doesn't necessarily mean they will try and deport him immediately and unfortunately now he has a dependent child, he may be able to get a visa extension without you even sponsoring him. If you already have a passport for the child keep it hidden from him and also hide the birth certificate, particularly if he is from a country where a Dad can apply for a passport without the Mums consent. Also even if the relationship improves in the future, unless his home country is signatory to the Hague convention, don't go visit his family.

Divorce him and denounce the visa or whatever the authorities do with it

Has he got a passport from his native country for the baby?

Criminals have not been allowed to stay because they have a cat. The cat was just a throwaway remark by the judge when considering many family issues - but seized upon by the fascists.

Because he is abusive and does not want that.

You need to be very careful for your safety here. You could tell the Home Office that your marriage has broken down irretrievably and that you are no longer sponsoring his visa (if you’re still at that stage). But in order for the Home Office to curtail his visa, they’re going to have to give him a reason for doing so. They’ll take it really seriously and won’t do anything to jeopardise your safety but they can’t just tell him his visa is cancelled but they aren’t telling him why because it’s a secret. And if he finds out that it’s because they know you’ve split up, he’s not going to have to be a member of Mensa to work out who told them. When is he due to apply for his next lot of leave? If he wants to stay here, he’s probably not going to want to go anywhere without a fight until he’s got that.

The other problem you have is that his child is a British citizen. All the time he can prove that he has a genuine and subsisting parental relationship with them, and that the child can’t leave the UK with him because their other parent is here, all he has to do is cite Article 8 of the ECHR. Unless you’ve got a Court order saying he’s not allowed face to face contact, or something from Social Services saying he’s a danger to the child, he’s probably not going anywhere. So if he wants to stay in the UK, he’s not going to give up on regular contact with your child until he gets long term or indefinite leave to remain.

My advice to you is not to give him any indication you’re thinking about leaving, hide all documents in a location outside of the house, get alerts placed everywhere you can and get a bloody good solicitor. Speak to your solicitor about whether it would be a good idea to apply for a passport for your DC behind his back and store it outside the house, so that if he tries to apply for one without your knowledge, it might hold up proceedings while they ascertain what happened to the original passport but, again, be conscious of the fact that this could risk your safety if he discovers that you secretly got your child a passport before he managed to secretly get one.

Useful information on the taking out of the country issue on: reunite.org

Specifically a 'prevention of abduction' guide here: https://www.reunite.org/prevention-of-abduction/

Do this slowly and carefully when you have a clear understanding of all the issues involved and are sure you have everything you need in place. You will benefit from professional help to make sure you don't miss anything - start on this site and it will lead you to people who can help and support. Take care.