Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Day99
Yes I think FWB is the most I'm hoping for from him at this point. I think I just need to adjust my mindset a bit. The good thing is, although I like him, I can see already that we wouldn't be compatible enough for anything more anyway, and in lieu of any better offers for the moment........😂

You will 100% not be on your own forever!!! Especially off the back of meeting a guy who is just acting a little bit silly/ lukewarm. Take the positive- you can pull a guy and you’ll do it again if someone interests you.

Just don’t reply to him and he’ll likely come back soon. No need to chase him, know your value so that he’ll know it, too.

Absolutely understand your priority and it can be hard to distract from that if that’s what you feel is missing. But happy, fulfilled, multifaceted people attract the most interest.

I’ve given similar advice to a male friend recently as he is so focused on finding a partner and starting a family. However everyone picks up that’s his sole focus and women are put off by that. He is very flexible, bends over backwards to please a woman, chases someone new every few months, breakups and rejections devastate him… And because he doesn’t have any other interests or focuses, all these frustrations hit him really hard.

I’m not saying you’re anything like that by the way! But the more you have going on in your life, the more sources joy, satisfaction and self-esteem can come from.

Sure, I’m still sad if a relationship I was hoping more from doesn’t work out, but then I go do a workout, day out, concert, chat to my friends, get my hair done and I feel my life is still really great with or without that person, and it just wasn’t meant to be.

I think when you get to know someone you may feel comfortable inviting them over when the kids are in bed. That’s what I have done in the past.

@ElleintheWoods Thanks for sharing that ❤️

Totally agree with @ElleintheWoods that self-pity is very offputting to men (and women). You want to feel like the person you're dating is choosing you, not settling because they're worried about ending up alone.

I went on a disastrous date last year with a man who just wanted a woman to impregnate ASAP. I felt like he didn't even consider me a human, just a baby making machine, and it gave me the biggest ick. Don't be the female equivalent of that. Men don't want to feel like walking sperm banks!

@ElleintheWoods @Crushed23 you are both absolutely right. I do try not to give off an air of desperation when dating and give the impression of a full life. I'm not desperate to meet anyone, I am picky, but that means that when I like someone the stakes feel high because it's so rare that that happens. I think part of the problem is that I have too much time to myself to analyse Mr Tradie's messages and I am trying to make sense of them and make them the barometer of whether he does/doesnt like me. I went into the office today for a distraction and will do for the rest of the week.

I was talking to a guy on bumble earlier today but he literally asked me nothing about myself and when I asked him if he'd like to know anything he didn't reply lol. It shouldn't be this hard!

@oldernotwiserffs - yea I totally understand. I was also crying to my mum about it last weekend and during the week. It's hard. And I have also been thinking 'well if I ignored this red flag, or that bit of bad behaviour, I would/could be in a relationship with x person etc, better than being alone' ...awful mindset I know!!

@LaBrasseria2024 the rational part of me says that ignoring red flags/bad behaviour is a recipe for disaster because we would ultimately be unhappy and the relationship would be likely to end anyway but the emotional side of me totally understands where you are coming from as I have similar thoughts often. All my friends who tell me it's better to be single than in the wrong relationship are happily coupled up so they have no idea what it's like!

Does anyone else auto swipe left on men who share the same name as a significant ex? 😂 unfortunately for me my ex husband has an incredibly popular name for my age group 😂 but they could look like Brad Pitt and I'd still swipe left if they have his name!

@finallyaskedfordivorce haha no but I do for men who have the same name as my brother!

Yep have done that in the past!😄 Luckily my ex is not called Rob or something else incredibly common in my age group!

I swipe left on all profiles with an initial for a name. I just think 'cheating on his wife'. 😂

Yes and anyone with same name as my son 🤣

I also swipe left on anyone who has their star sign as Gemini

@oldernotwiserffs
No brothers here luckily. Do have 3 sons but thankfully none of their names appear to be hugely common.

@TwistedWonder
Bad experience with a Gemini?

@DrinkingTooMuchPinot
Haha

@Crushed23
lol - that never even occurred to me

@Crushed23 yes same!

@TwistedWonder what's wrong with geminis? I am one 🙈

So mr Tradie has messaged me asking me out again - before his whole confusing messaging about being emotionally drained but still wanting to see me etc I had told him that I needed him to take more initiative if he wanted to see me again so I'm taking this as a good sign.

Oh god, that man sounds painful! 🙈

See, I think you’ve identified the problem there, and I’ve been there myself. If you have time in your hands and you’re not amongst people (eg wfh), you have that time to think, analyse, make small problems bigger in your head etc. Going to the office was likely a good call in helping with that.

Genuinely, make a list of things you want to try, and go off and do them. You only get one life, live it to the fullest - worrying about guys ain’t it.

I remember the last time I felt let down by a guy i really liked. I took myself out for a walk after work, tea, bookshop, calls with several friends, took on a bigger workload, went out for dinner with a group I barely knew… And that was all one evening. Had I not kept busy, I’d have wallowed in bed and made it worse in my head. I had my days of blanket + wallow for sure, too, but largely pursuing all these other things made sure I was ok.

One of my friends is a psychologist and probably the biggest simple takeaway I have from him that you need to keep work, home and friends equally maintained, so that if one blows up, you still have the others to rely on.

And here’s me considering a relationship with an alcoholic because everything else lines up 🙈

I guess it’s a pretty normal way to think! Hard to tell what’s a genuine big issue and what’s not, as nobody will be 100% perfect and compatible.

Seeeeee? Of course he came back 💃

@oldernotwiserffs that's great news! Are you gonna see him again?

Awful likes today from Hinge, rejected them all. The youngest was only 18 (!!), a 29 year old messaged if I fancied a ONS and otherwise just other young ones and wrinkly 50-somethings. Where have all the 30 and 40-year olds gone??!

Mr Tallirish was supposed to pop over for some casual fun tonight but he has a cold and didn't want to risk passing it to me as I have to travel for work in a few days. Gutted. Still nothing from Mr Rebound since Friday. I know he's busy with work and hasn't been online on WhatsApp at all (yeah I keep checking 🙄). Still not gonna message him though. Just disappointed because of Mr Tallirish and Hinge hasn't provided any leads for a couple of days now.

@finallyaskedfordivorce @oldernotwiserffs

Yes - my last relationship was with a Gemini and he was a lying POS. Then I dated another Gemini a year or so ago and that ended pretty badly - he revealed himself as controlling within weeks. Threw a wobbly about me going on holiday with a friend after 5/6 dates!

I'm not into this stuff at all, but my controlling, abusive, incredibly jealous ex from 20 years ago, who accused me of cheating, and then proceeded to cheat me himself, was a Gemini.

I always get on well with Sagittarians, I am one myself. So I am weirdly pleased if I see on the profile.

I am having a lot of nice chats on Hinge. Meeting up on Saturday with a 35 year old lawyer. He seems really into the same stuff as I am.

I'm feeling really relaxed about the whole dating thing atm. Am enjoying it but my life is full and fun as above so it's not my main focus.

Ok......so.......been chatting to a 31 year old on bumble today. Let's see where this goes.

@peachykeane and @finallyaskedfordivorce That's unfair! Why am I only being approached by the too young and too wrinkly at the moment?!😄

Wait till you’re my age (50’s) and getting messages from men in their 70s who look like Dobby 🤦‍♀️