Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@oldernotwiserffs

I guess I'll just see what the rest of the week brings ☺️

@finallyaskedfordivorce my fingers are crossed for you!

I'm having Mr Irish round for a second round between the sheets on Wednesday night. Scheduling was tricky but we've both juggled to make it happen.

I hope for a similar level of satisfaction as @finallyaskedfordivorce - delighted for you by the way! Perhaps Mr Construction will circle back in a day or two and just doesn't want to text every day.

Outstanding sex is hard to come by these days as many have discovered, 'hard' can even be hard to come by in these days of ubiquitous, desensitising porn.

Is everyone at least sexting? I am really enjoying it with Mr Irish. It’s just filthy enough without being OTT which is great.

@OchreHedgehog
Yes I'm realising this now. My sex drive had been non existent for the last few years of my marriage. it was only when I started to talk to Mr Construction and started to let the idea of sex back into my life that I realised I'm not dead below the waist after all ! 😂

It's totally reignited a flame in me. I was nervous about having sex with a new man initially after so long with the same one but it all just came so naturally with the lust and passion. It was amazing!

Plus I really can't be bothered with having to train someone up to do the job properly 😂

No fraid not. There's a body of water between me and you lot.

@OchreHedgehog - are you N.I? I am 😁

@PeachyKeane
How was the experiment of going younger then? Would you recommend? I'm 46 and currently have my age settings on OLD to 36-55. Maybe I need to lower that age range 😜

@finallyaskedfordivorce yes I very much recommend younger men. More stamina and a lot of uncomplicated fun.

I’m loving the way you’re all approaching this. Really made me think about what I’m doing and what I want. I joined FEELD last night and just chatting with someone this morning, so will see how that goes alongside my bumbling…

I do have two day’s second lined up from Bumble - this Friday and next Tuesday. The Friday one is in his 40’s and never had a relationship beyond six months, the other one I’m more hopeful about as we chatted off and on throughout last year but never met - he could be flakey, so we will see.

Dates*

I'm very sorry you have this, I presume passed on by someone else who may, or may not, have disclosed their status to you. I think casual sex is going to be difficult aa people are already hyper aware of STI risks with multiple partners (who also have multiple partners).

@LaBrasseria2024 yes I am!

Yay way to go @peachykeane! I now regret turning down anyone under 40 on Hinge, really sounds like it's the way forward! I'm getting a lot less likes now than when I first (re)joined, and they seem to be limited to early 20s and 50+ at the moment. The 50+ are mostly unappealing and 22 is just too young isn't it? They would most likely not know what they are doing, not sure if their stamina alone is enough! I had a like yesterday from a delicious-looking 27 year old but I rejected him by accident!

@finallyaskedfordivorce I would just put Mr Construction on the back burner, let him come to you when he wants, and look into other options yourself.

@Ochrehedgehog I have been sexting a lot with Mr Tallirish, really hope can find the time to see him this week but scheduling anything is always a nightmare with him (both away a lot for work, both have kids half the time).

Is anyone else based in the SW? Bath, Bristol, even Cardiff sort of areas?

@DrinkingTooMuchPinot all my most interested men are in their 30s or in their 50s. Not sure what's happening with the 40 year olds.... I haven't gone any lower than 30 as you say 20s seems too young.

Why don't you reset your account and try again. There's lots of them out there. Great fun.

I wish we were all local to each other, we'd have a blast on a night out egging each other on 😅

@peachykeane I have had the same in the last few days, no 40s men at all, and no 30s either, just 50s and 20s! Not sure I want to delete Hinge and start all over yet, and not that keen to pay either even though that would boost my profile. Just don't like swiping and prefer for them to come to me so I can pick and choose!

I know it's such a shame we are spread across the country, would have so much fun on a night out!

Absolutely @PeachyKeane and all of you - I reckon we could have a great night out if we were local to each other! But for practical supply line reasons, it's probably best we are spread across the UK (and even the US)!!

I must join Hinge and sweep up all the under 40s you guys have bypassed!

I have my third OLD connection date at lunchtime but they've gone quiet on text so not sure if it'll be a no show. Will report back!

Yes, I want them to come to me as well. I've got about 7 on the go atm, though. I'm lucky I live in a heavily populated area. In fact, someone in his 40s who I hooked up with on Tinder has just messaged me on Hinge to say hi. Hadn't heard from him for a while, but he is a nice guy, and I enjoy chatting to him.

@OchreHedgehog I think Hinge is my favourite app. It started off quiet but there's a steady trickle. Less overwhelming than Tinder and you can see the last person who liked you. If you delete them you can see the next one.

Good luck for your date, hope it goes well. My 30 year old from last night is texting me but although I liked him, and we had fun, not sure I want to meet him again.

Are any of the other apps structured the way Hinge is? I keep seeing Badoo etc mentioned. I've tried Bumble and Tinder but don't like swiping, and also Feeld bur there you only can see the ones who ping you and otherwise it's all about swiping.
My area is also fairly heavily populated but have seen some of the same men on all the apps so perhaps the pool is still too limited.

Hope your date turns up @OchreHedgehog! I now really regret rejecting all the 30-somethings who liked me last week, just thought they were too young!

The other apps I have tried, I couldn't get the hang of and deleted almost immediately. But yes, the guy i was talking to last night said he's on all of them. And I have seen a lot of the same faces.

@DrinkingTooMuchPinot

If you’re not a fan of swiping have you tried POF? I know it gets a bad rap but actually the only people I know who met their partners on OLD were both from POF.

I hate it because I don’t want unsolicited messages but if swiping isn’t for you it might be worth a try.

Also if you’re on FB it’s worth trying the dating section. Anyone who likes you can be seen instantly and it’s completely free.

Thanks @TwistedWonder
Yes I have heard bad things about POF, but a few people have mentioned Facebook dating. Maybe will give that a try. It doesn't link to your Facebook profile or anything does it? I have an unusual first name (well a common name, unusual spelling), and I tend to use a different variation of my name on the apps as otherwise people could easily find me online on LinkedIn or my company's website.

@PeachyKeane I'm in the South @DrinkingTooMuchPinot I don't live in that area, but visit every so often and have been for few dates there

@finallyaskedfordivorce If the sex was great, would you not be interested in having him as FWB? as you say, good sex isn't always easy to come by and I find it's better with something regular rather than ONS. It's less of a chase but more practical arrangement (how regular you'd see each other).

I have a few "serious" dating first dates coming up too, but I'm not sure how easy it is to focus to look for a relationship if I'm enjoying the casual dating...

With FB dating the basic data is taken from your profile so you can’t change things like name/age/location. But other than that, it’s in a separate section and can only be seen by other on the dating site, not anyone you’re FB friends with.