Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@LaBrasseria2024 If you were the oldest on a night out at age 32, I assume you don't live in a major city?!

When I lived in London, the age range on nights out was 25-50. No one would have batted an eyelid at a couple of thirtysomething women. Same goes for where I currently live (a major city in the US).

Maybe have a break from dating. Take a year off and focus on yourself. I gave myself a year after my last relationship ended before I began serious dating again and I think it really helped. Building a fabulous single life and bolstering your sense of self worth will help you spot which men are worth letting into your life and which men need to be kept out.

@LaBrasseria2024 Just to add, a 21 year-old called me a MILF last summer and I took it as a compliment!

(I went on to have a fling with him but that's another story 😅)

So no need to feel depressed about it @LaBrasseria2024 it's the highest compliment 😉

Joining you all here on the dating journeys ☺️ signed up to OLD for the 1st time ever (hinge and bumble) over the Christmas holidays.

I came out of a long marriage 7 months ago and wasn't really bothered about dating or sex for ages. I'm NOT looking for anything too serious at the moment, I have a lot going with my divorce/ex/kids/work etc, but decided to check out OLD and see what's available 😂

Had date 3 on Friday night just gone with theeeee most georgeous man I've seen in a loooong time (I'll call him Mr Construction). I had already slept with him on date 2 a few days earlier. The sex on date 2 was decent, the sex on date 3 was OUTSTANDING 😂 he knew exactly what he was doing!!! And he seemed to enjoy the night very much too. It appeared to be very mutually enjoyed.

So at that point, we'd been talking every day for 12 days, 3 dates, sex on 2 of them. I'm thinking, "yup, I think I can get on board with this casual, no pressure arrangement, especially with sex like that 😜😂"

On Saturday I messaged him and he replied to say he'd enjoyed the night, was keen to do it again sometime. but I got the feeling he wasn't really making effort to keep the conversation going so left it there.

Haven't heard from him since Saturday! And despite not being a serious thing I'm a bit pissed off tbh. I just don't get it. I was really hoping this could be the start of a good FWB arrangement 🤷‍♀️ he's georgeous, has his own place not too far from me, and know what's he's doing in the bedroom.

So I guess I need to go back to the apps and keep my options open.

@Crushed23 - yes I live in a very small city! That's what makes it worse. Where do you live in the US? I do have some single friends in L.A who I visited last year, but it's so normal to be single there at that age.

I was considering London but was advised the dating scene there is awful .

Could you maybe PM me the cost of egg freezing? I would be doing it in the UK though.

Haha okay I guess I'll take the MILF comment as a compliment then

So far I have turned them all down but then thought ok maybe should accept the next like from one of the young ones just to see what they have to say. However the next 'young like' I got was only 19!!! Think that pushing it a bit too far, especially as his profile says he's weirdly attracted to older women!😄

I wouldn't say the London dating scene is any worse than the rest of the country, from what I've heard. What you have in London is a much bigger pool of men, and you're right it is not at all unusual to be single in your early 30s there. So if there's a way for you to move to London, I would highly recommend it!

Sure, will dig up the paperwork and PM you about egg freezing cost. I did it in the UK too so the info will be relevant albeit a year out of date.

Hi @finallyaskedfordivorce your situation sounds similar to mine, I only moved to my own place last summer and now trying to fit in some dating with the kids' and my ex's schedules! There are a few of us casual daters here.

I have had a slightly similar experience to your Mr construction as well. Met Mr Rebound on Feeld, and chatted quite a while about just starting something casual, or a FWB arrangement. He seemed really keen, we met and the date went really well, had sex (very good for a first time, not outstanding though). He was keen to see me again, was texting a lot over the next few days. January is very busy for us both workwise, and I have the kids with me every weekend so no chance of meeting up. After a few days the texts were getting less and less, and the last one was on Friday, apologising for not being in touch that much. I replied it's fine and let's see if we can meet in person next month and not heard anything since. I'm a bit baffled as thought this sort of arrangement would be perfect for most men, made it very clear I wasn't after a relationship. Ah well, back on the apps but no good matches yet.

I am also now convinced, having seen what the south West has on offer in terms of men my age, that younger is the way forward!😄

@DrinkingTooMuchPinot

I know right! I'm going to need to toughen up a bit for this OLD malarkey 😂

I suspect Mr Construction simply has too many options 🙄 he really was incredibly handsome 😭 I'd rather he just told me he doesn't want to see me again though if that's where hes at........

Also toying with trying younger next time 🤔 but I am being very picky with my swipes! Did match with a hot younger man on bumble and messaged him but he hasn't replied yet. Also have a match on hinge who hasn't messaged and a couple of likes on hinge that I haven't swiped either way on yet.

My ex is moving to the other end of the country and never takes the kids overnight so getting out for dates can be tricky!

Which also means I have to be strict about my distances!

Anybody I date will absolutely need to have their own place as sex at mine is out of the question (the kids are here 100%) 🙄

And I don't have time to shlep far away for casual dates and sex.

@finallyaskedfordivorce oh that's very tricky if you have your kids full-time! My ex lives nearby and has the kids around 50% of the time, but the schedule is quite fluid because of my work (have to travel for work occasionally), and I only ever have every other Saturday free, never a full weekend. This month have no free weekends at all.
You definitely need a thick skin for online dating, I'm still trying to figure it out as well, have been on the apps on and off since September. I think having multiple options is the best way forward. I get a lot of likes on hinge, but most are hideous. And strangely a lot of young ones now that I rejoined just over a week ago, didn't have that back in September when I first started.

@LaBrasseria2024 it's so hard. Sometimes I'm so lonely that I catch myself thinking I'd rather be in a less than ideal relationship than on my own but of course I know that is not healthy. I had a good cry to my mum earlier but that didn't really help because she can't say or do anything to change my situation. I am near London and the dating scene there is woeful.

@Crushed23 you are right but on my down days my standards lower! I have tried to make new friends - I joined a walking group and have met people through bumble BFF but they are still all coupled up. I don't get invited to gatherings where people bring their spouses or children although my best friend is getting married in October and I can't tell you how much I am dreading it (I have already asked - there will be no single men attending so it's not like I can even use that as an option to meet someone). I would be interested to hear about your egg freezing journey if you don't mind sharing. It is something I have considered but I concluded that the high cost and low success rates probably wouldn't be worth it but maybe I need to reconsider.

@OchreHedgehog judging by the state of the men on the apps I'm not sure Mr Right even exists...

@finallyaskedfordivorce what a shame that Mr Construction didn't contact you! I suppose if he was the last one to message he might be expecting you to message? If you like him, what's the harm?

So Mr Tradie messaged me last last night so I messaged this evening and he has replied being his usual chatty self. I am going round in circles in my head about whether to continue with him or not.

@finallyaskedfordivorce If you agreed on a casual arrangement, then not texting for a few days could be normal, I think? I don't text that often with my FWBs, some more, others just to set meets.

@oldernotwiserffs
Honestly I keep toying with sending 1 last message to feel him out but I keep talking myself out of it. He's not the shy type! If he wanted to speak to me he would have messaged me by now and I don't want to seem desperate 🤷‍♀️

@Day99
See I know this is probably the norm with others, it's just that he's texted daily before Saturday (sometimes I initiate, sometimes he did) and I just can't help but feel like he's distancing himself.

Or maybe he's just trying to establish a more remote/less daily connection.......I just want to know what's going on 😂

@finallyaskedfordivorce i dunno, if the sex was good you've got nothing to lose! But perhaps one of my faults is that i can be too available. I am not afraid of letting a guy know I like them and maybe that is a turn off

@finallyaskedfordivorce if you want to know what's going on then message! At least then you'll get an answer and you can a) continue with him or b) move on without wondering. I can never take the uncertainty so I generally like to message so I am clear.

I'm also wondering if I'm even cut out for this particular FWB arrangement. I think id prefer an exclusive FWB situation but they're probably like hens teeth 😂

Hi everyone, this might be slightly different from other dating things covered in the thread, but you are knowledgeable.

What are your views on dating with herpes/dating someone who has herpes?

I went on two dates with the loveliest guy I've met in a long time, arranged to meet up a few days later, had a snog, disclosed my status. He was reassuring and positive about it, but then texted a few days later to say he couldn't take the risk.

Understandable, of course. I'm not sure I'd date anyone hsv+, but nevertheless disappointing.

Does anyone have any experience or words of advice? I feel a bit hopeless just now.

You’ve got to flip that attitude around and stop hyper focusing on what you don’t have. I know easier said than done but…

My ex who i really loved and I broke up when I was 32 because he was diagnosed with something life changing and he didn’t want me to spend my best years watching him fade away.

It was so incredibly hard listening to people go on about their ‘mundane’ family weekends etc, moaning about their partners, when that was all I wanted at the time.

I dug deep and almost faked it til I made it. Wore my best clothes, did my hair, started really looking after my physical and mental health, thought about all the things I didn’t do because the men I was with weren’t into them, and did them. Planned my year ahead, did solo trips, met women, joined causes, changed jobs, moved house, had some amazing experiences.

Basically I used my single time to chase my dreams and unleash my inner Beyoncé. I’m happy, living life, and it shows.

Try not to fret over things you can’t control (meeting someone, future family etc) and invest in improving your life in aspects that you can.

I felt really vulnerable when it came to relationships then. Today I’m a different person. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to be loved, but my attitude to it is completely different, positive and feeling like I am in control and have power.

@OchreHedgehog @Day99 I'm in the North, either of you?

I've just been on a lovely date with a 30 year old. Was great fun food, drinks, and ended up with sex in his hotel.

@ElleintheWoods that experience sounds so tough but how amazing that it made you more confident and stronger! I am trying to make my life bigger but am finding it hard because my priority is creating a meaningful connection with someone and building a life together. Mr Tradie and I have exchanged a couple of messages this evening but he didn't ask a question in his last one so it seems like that's the end of the conversation and I'm back to square one. I don't want to be on my own forever but that seems like the most likely future for me at the moment.

@ElleintheWoods could you not just have a very sexy fling with Mr Workcrush? Kind of both shag it out of your systems?! Sorry if that's too indelicate but it is probably the only way to stop the lingering attraction continuing every time you see each other.

So I messaged Mr Construction......Just a wee light hearted bit of chit chat to kick things off. He did message back and we had a bit of back and forth general chat. He did start to get a bit flirty towards the end.

So now I'm thinking he probably would still take me up on another round. I think I'm just going to have to be super forward rather than waiting for him to come to me.

Problem is, I much preferred it last week when he was chasing me......😂 having him messaging me, initiating flirty chat, reminiscing over the 1st shag etc, all that stuff actually added to the sexiness. I think I expected some sexy flirty reminiscing chat over the weekend after Friday night and he didn't and it's left me a bit deflated and now I'm not sure if I'm even horny for him anymore 😂 it's all getting too complicated 🤔

@finallyaskedfordivorce haha well now you've messaged and your feelings have changed at least you're a bit clearer and now you can stop wondering and move onto the next!