Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

RadientRainbow I thought it was playing the field but then I thought it was Feel. It doesn't matter either way really

LittleFloatingGhost Have you been on your date? How was it?

@LittleFloatingGhost Seeing him tonight! Definitely need to have the chat. He's just casually moved our meet time from 8pm to 7:30pm. It's due to train times, so he's not just being difficult, but again... I hate any loss of control 😂

@RadiantRainbow sorry to hear your LDR isn't working out, that must be tough.

@Crushed23 let us know how it goes!

@oldernotwiserffs thanks! Are you seeing Mr Tradie tonight?

I also wanted to tell the man on the previous thread called Jojo something that it was a BAD idea to add inches to his height. After being married twice to tall(ish) men, more or less exactly 6 foot, I am 5"2, I was absolutely desperate to not date anyone too tall.
Maybe not as short as me, but I felt so so happy to not be constantly looking up high at BF and in bed things worked much better.
But before I even discovered it just going through profiles the guy had to be an incredible outlier for me to swipe yes on him if he was 6" or taller, I just felt let's leave the tall guys to taller ladies.
So maybe I rejected a lot who were actually 5'10 or 11 and added to their height, but then they filtered themselves out!

When I first joined the apps I was 48 about to turn 49, and was getting soooo many likes, and then had a second short foray having just turned 50 and was so tempted to put my age as younger, everyone says they could pass for younger but I until recently anyway had a childish face, but in the end I decided no, if there are men out there my age who put rigid filters on not dating anyone over 49, then they are not my type of men. With 50 likes did immediately disappear from 40 to 50 category though lots from below 40 year olds.
But whoever I did match with in the end (4 years older) was the right person who was not looking for much younger and it also meant he was the right one in many other respects and values.

The height thing is like trying to outwit the Universe and also just shows lacking confidence. The right woman would LOVE and appreciate the fact that someone isn't tall, like I did with my bf.

@Crushed23 yes! He wanted me to choose where to go so I have chosen the pub very near my house as I'm hoping we'll end up back here afterwards 😂. I think he could do with being a little more proactive inbetween dates but I will see how tonight goes.

@RadiantRainbow I agree with you; starting a relationship off with lies isn't good!

So basically with telling the truth about your age or height, you do get potentially a much smaller selection, but better to have a smaller selection that is right for you and not waste anyone's time, than a wide selection of people are aren't even a match or would be pissed off or at least would take note that you lied to them.

@RadiantRainbow I’m sorry it’s not worked out too!

@NervesOfCotton Yes, he is lovely BUT, and I know Feeld is casual, BUT he has a complex divorce and custody proceedings ongoing. I’m not in prepared to be a FWB with all that in the background. It won’t be fun or carefree…

I met another guy on there and he was messaging, then chased up a date. He thought we were going out tomorrow, but we hadn’t planned anything at all, he just said “see you next week”, so I lived my life and unavailable. Suggested he sends some dates over for me to see what works.

LittleFloatingGhost Oh that's a shame, but no, you don't want to get involved in all of that do you... Hopefully the other one gets his arse in gear & arranges something

RadiantRainbow You speak a lot of sense.

@Crushed23 I am impatiently awaiting an update!

oldernotwiserffs What about your update?! How did last night go?

@NervesOfCotton ahhh I had a really nice time and I really like him 🙈 he was flirty this time which he hasn't been before although he did say to me he takes things slowly so maybe he's just getting into it now. He came back to mine and stayed the night, we had great sex (x4), lovely chats and cuddles. I really hope it continues 🤞 this stage of dating is just so anxiety provoking but since he was more flirty and forward I feel a teeny bit more relaxed although I'm sure I will start to overthink soon again!

oldernotwiserffs Oh that's a lovely update I'm glad that it went so well. He's probably just a little unsure/nervous.

It's pretty much a requirement of the thread to overthink

Sooo jeaous of your date haha. x4!!! Sounds great!! This is such a lovely stage of being with someone, feeling comfortable and bonding.

There used to be a really good article shared on Mumsnet about how to overcome your relationship anxiety and enjoy it instead, shame I can't find t now... But this s by the same author so I assume it'll be similar advice: https://thoughtcatalog.com/sabrina-bendory/2024/08/stop-stressing-over-your-relationships/

It's a lot easier being in this stage of you don't care much for the man, but then again, why would anyone date someone they don't care about!

@ElleintheWoods omg that article was written for me! Thank you so much for sharing! I need to print it out and stick it on my wall!

@NervesOfCotton I'm so glad I have this group to share all my anxieties and worries with. I would be (even more of) a mess without it!

oldernotwiserffs Me too! I'm not really dating right now (just vaguely looking) but I know that it's here for when I need it.

I'm meant to be meeting a new iron next week. He is shorter than I'd normally go for at 5ft 9 to my 5ft 8. I've just noticed that he has altered his height in his profile to 5ft 8! I suspect that he has double-checked my height and realised I will notice that he is not taller than me. His chat via messages has been great but I really hate dishonesty. I know it's only an inch but still. Would I be unreasonable to ask him to confirm his actual height? Or do I just write him off for fibbing?

@MyCatisCalledDream I wouldn't be happy about the lying. I wonder why he bothered to change it by only one inch?! I'd be tempted to call him out on it and see what he says

I think I will have to mention it. Why is there always something?!

@MyCatisCalledDream it will be interesting to see what he says. At least then you can make an informed decision about whether you want to spend time seeing him. It is disappointing though

Call me a pushover but it’s just an inch. I could easily by 5’7 or 5’8 depending on the day, I’m literally in between so does it matter? It’s a fingernail difference, would anyone notice IRL?

@ElleintheWoods but why would he change it? That's odd to me

@MyCatisCalledDream

Id be wondering if he’s actually about 5’6 in this scenario.

.

Just got back from walking Mr Rave to the train station.

Second date went well. I got the ‘chat’ about staying casual out of the way early on in the night and he was okay with the idea but admitted to thinking we were dating seriously. After that I felt so relaxed around him! The anxiety about misleading him was no longer there and I could just focus on having fun. We went to a bar then onto this really cool club that’s like an immersive experience. It was great and so, so flirty.

Sex was good (for me) but same problem as last time I.e. he couldn’t finish. I think it’s drug related. He asked to borrow a hand mirror when we got back to my apartment… to snort a line of coke on. 😂

We stayed in bed till midday… playing. It was so good. I’m completely relaxed around him and he’s really complimentary and inspires so much sexual confidence. I matched my underwear to my dress (both leopard print) and he wouldn’t shut up about it. 😂 Men are such simple creatures haha.

We’re seeing each other on Thursday night for a lunar new year themed night. Excited to plan my outfit!

This is amazing @oldernotwiserffs ! I'm so pleased for you. He's comfortable enough to be flirty with you now, which is a great sign. Let's hope he continues planning dates / being a bit more proactive! He's shaping up to be a keeper 😍