Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I think it’s like field, well that’s what I hear in my head.

Thanks for that too. I guess I had expectations that I felt like I was m getting closer to finding someone I like enough, and who likes me enough, for long enough and is emotionally available.

Sorry your heart isn’t in it either. It is like pulling teeth!

I know the WhatsApp group is up and running but I was wondering if we need an in-person gathering at some point? I know we’re all over but there must be a couple of locations/dates which may work. Would anyone be up for this?

@LittleFloatingGhost I would love that!

LittleFloatingGhost I will do if it's not too far

Fab.

I am guessing the majority of people are in the south given some of what has been shared, but I wonder if the following cities are workable:

1. London
2. Birmingham
3. Manchester
4. Edinburgh

If you’re interested, PM me with your closest city, even if it’s not on the list and I’ll make a list.

I’ll look at the responses after 8th Feb and share an update.

I'm envisaging that Boots advert "Here come the girls....." 🎶

Men are different and some are poor date organisers - again, my type apparently 😂

I feel like it can be a confidence issue. If they’re not very confident and afraid of rejection and the woman doesn’t put them out of their comfort zone, they’ll settle it ‘I don’t have to ask/plan’ mode. And stay in that mode forever.

I’m not joking, my ex organised ONE date over several years. This is because like you, I’m very impatient and like to know in advance what I’m doing.

I then met men last 12 months who were actually good at organising dates and the trait they had was confidence and dating purposefully.

It does sound like you’re overthinking. Look, you’re a catch, he’s lucky to have you, he’s interested. Just enjoy. But don’t run after him as that’s what I tend to do when I’m into somebody and want things to progress. It’s almost always backfired for me though.

I do actually think that making men work to get you works, they value the prize, it’s what they wanted and put the effort in for.

@ElleintheWoods I think you're right, it's so hard to do though and totally goes against my nature! I have replied to his message from yesterday but waited all day to do so. Also there's a comedy night locally next Wednesday that I want to invite him to but I can't do that if I'm not supposed to be initiating dates. Ha it's so difficult!

I need to remember that I am a catch, thank you!

Try being Scandinavian! It’s really common where I’m from for women to initiate everything, women basically pick a man and make it happen. So I’m struggling to get out of that mindset even though I’ve not lived there near 20 years!

I would say about the comedy night, mention that you plan to go but don’t invite him outright - that can just be in casual conversation, eg when he asks what you’ve been up to. See if he invites himself.

I’ve had some bad news and have had a day of my man friends telling me what a catch I am, so just passing the facts on 😉

To be honest I bet the ladies on this thread are the sort that catch the eye… But bizarrely I’m starting to think beautiful, strong women with standards are most likely to be single. It seems (and to be fair there’s research too!) that people are more comfortable dating average people. Or that’s what I’m telling myself to feel better tonight 😇

@ElleintheWoods maybe I was Scandinavian in another life!

Really sorry to hear about your bad news - my DMs are open if you want to chat.

As a member of the WhatsApp group I have seen pictures of the lovely women on this thread and I can attest that they are all gorgeous and strong so your theory about beautiful, strong women being single makes sense!

I hate initiating things tbh. I like men to take charge and ultimately lose attraction to men who are too passive. I also really like chilled, easy going men and unfortunately that can go hand in hand with passive.

The holy grail is a calm, easy going man who takes the lead on arranging dates and initiating sex. 🥰

@OchreHedgehog - is it you who set up the WhatsApp group? I sent you a PM with my number!

@Crushed23 - I also hate it when men don't take charge, I don't like initiating either!

@oldernotwiserffs -you could say about the comedy club, but not invite, see if he then invites himself along

@LaBrasseria2024 yeah Ochrehedgehog set up the WhatsApp group but she's on a date tonight 😊

@Crushed23 haha that is the holy grail indeed!

@LaBrasseria2024 thanks I will try that. There's not much to do around here on Friday nights other than dinner and drinks and we've done that now. I'm wracking my brains trying to think of something different to do!

oldernotwiserffs Comedy club sounds like a great idea to me! See if you laugh at the same things... Hopefully he answers with 'Ooh, I'd love to come to that with you!'

I hate it when men ask me 'What is there to do for a date around where you live?' I'm always a bit like 'Well, the same as there is to do anywhere else, I suppose!'

@finallyaskedfordivorce thanks, I think it's a good idea too! I don't love the idea of dates on a weeknight because of work but I'll see if he takes the hint.

Haha I know, what are they expecting us to say???

I started seeing the therapist for various reasons but do find it useful to talk over my dating life; boundaries, red flags, what I want etc. In the past, I took rejection hard as my self-esteem was poor so rejection confirmed my negative thoughts about myself. I'm more resilient now about rejection as feeling better about myself.... but of course it still stings.

Arghhhhh I have a Mr WorkCrush.

It's only a mild crush, I feel something maybe 1 in 3 times of looking at him?

He's Irish, tall, early 30s. Doesn't wear a wedding ring but not necessarily single. Although he checks me out and there's been... eye contact a number of times.

Can't see anything happening, it's not really an environment where office romances can flourish. I'll just enjoy the occasional eye contact. 😅

Mr Rave is still sending me sweet messages like he's my boyfriend. Things like "I can't wait to see you" and "I've missed you this week". This on top of the present he's bringing me tomorrow (wine glasses). It's like he's trying to make it as difficult as possible for me to have the 'let's keep things casual' conversation!

@Crushed23 I think it's nice to have a work crush! Makes the work days much more interesting.

Mr Rave is soooo keen. It would be sweet if he liked you in that way!

I am not messaging Mr Tradie today, I'm pulling back to see what happens. We are supposed to be meeting up tomorrow...

Yeah it's really bizarre tbh. He knows next to nothing about me yet he seems to be going all in. It could just be lovebombing but he seems too innocent for this to be a manipulative tactic. I don't know. I need to nip it in the bud ASAP though.

@Crushed23 it must be awkward to reply to those messages! Is it Saturday you're seeing him?

@Crushed23 oh I just saw that it's tomorrow - not too much longer til you can nip it in the bud then!

I’ve come off the apps again as realised the next free weekend I have is 29th March then not again until mid May so I really don’t have space for fitting dates in.

Ill keep an eye on the thread and see how you’re all getting on

@TwistedWonder you have the kind of life I aspire to have! Enjoy your busy weekends 😊