Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@oldernotwiserffs - sorry if I missed upthread, what responsibilities does he have?

*caring responsibilities

@LaBrasseria2024 his dad had an accident last year which left him disabled. He has carers but Mr Tradie does a lot to keep him company, does his housework, takes him out and about so he can get out of the house etc

@oldernotwiserffs - oh gosh awful. Must be very difficult for him to deal with. Do you think he is distracted by that maybe?

@LaBrasseria2024 yes I imagine so which is why he told me after date 4 he might not be able to give me the positivity and commitment I'd be looking for. He does find it hard and we've had good chats about it, he has said he has never spoken about it to anyone like he has with me and always thanks me for listening. I suppose it could be an extenuating circumstance that makes his laid back approach more acceptable? I don't want to make excuses for him though...

@oldernotwiserffs - understandable why he would be distracted etc, not able to give as much commitment etc. but at same time, not fair on you if you have to initiate most of the time

@LaBrasseria2024 I don't necessarily mind being the one to initiate because I am super organised, it's just that it makes me wonder if he actually likes me and that makes me anxious

@oldernotwiserffs - I would stop initiating and see what he does. Because at least then you will be less anxious

@LaBrasseria2024 yes, just anxious waiting for him to initiate 😅 it's so annoying him messaging me every day and me wondering if he is going to suggest doing something again. I probably need to get a life and not think about it so much tbh

Aaaah it’s like pulling teeth. Sent a guy a message on bumble in response to his prompt ‘what is your ideal first date’ and he replied ‘I agree 👍’

Doesn’t really keep the chat flowing for a response

I’m just feeling so disillusion with the whole thing and I’ve only been back online since just before Christmas 🥱

@LittleFloatingGhost

This is me too. Restarted late November and feel like I've hit a wall already. Mr Guinness was my last OLD date and he's lost interest. Hinge is a ghost town for me, and Tinder I let the subscription run out with no motivation to renew it and see who has liked me, as I was swiping left on 99% of them anyway.

@oldernotwiserffs I think he likes you! Agree with PP, pull back from organising things and match his energy. See if he misses you and plans something himself.

@TwistedWonder I get this all the time. I don't understand why they bother replying when they're not interested in having a conversation.

@Crushed23 thanks. After this date I will try to bite my tongue and see if he suggests something else!

It might be me being irrational- that’s not exactly a new thing - but anyone sending me a 👍 or 👋 has my shoulders touching my ears. Just find them both irritating as hell

As for men on OLD who think hi or 👋 is an opening message - zero effort from start doesn’t exactly give a great first impression. I just match energy - I reply hi or 👋 back to see if they actually start a chat

TwistedWonder I called one out on it once. I said that I'd sent him 6 or 8 messages & hed given hardly any response, 'Yeah', 'Same', 'Me too', 'Usual stuff'. So how was I supposed to get to know him if he won't talk to me!

He gave some lame excuse about finding messages difficult & said he'd try harder
He managed about 2 lines & then reverted back to one word.

Now I either instantly unmatch or send the same back, like you do.

LittleFloatingGhost Well I hope that you have a nice time on Friday anyway! I'm sorry that it's not going as well as you'd hoped/& deserve! It's really disheartening isn't it. I feel like I havn't put my heart in to it properly for months now.

How do you pronounce Feeld, by the way? In my head it's 'Field' but I don't know if that's right!

Yes it's exhausting and like pulling teeth chatting with men like that. I tend to bin them off, if they don't match my level of stimulating conversation at the outset it's only going to go downhill thereafter.

Im having a quiet day WFH so checking bumble and just had the following message

in response to my prompt - what’s the next thing you’re looking forward to- I get ‘burying my face in your cracking cleavage’

Dear God

Oh dear 😳 😄

Honestly do these lines ever work?

You really have to wonder 🙈🤷‍♀️

I guess with the desperate? Maybe that's how they identify them 🤔

I suppose if they try with everyone they match with sooner or later a desperate Doris will bite

I replied ‘yeah that’s not going to happen’ waited til I could see he was typing a reply and unmatched.

Yes I am bored today 🤣

I’d say stop initiating and see what happens. Leave him to text first unless it’s your ‘turn’, organise first.

And see what happens.

When he does text/plan, be enthusiastic though.

If a man being keen and initiating things is important to you then you’ve got to test him out.

@ElleintheWoods yes I'm kicking myself for suggesting meeting up again yesterday but patience is not a quality I possess! I think I am trying to assess his level of interest in me by whether or not he initiates but he is showing interest in other ways - prolonging dates, asking me about myself, messaging every day so maybe I need to chill out. I'm starting to catch feelings so im in overthinking mode. I won't suggest anything after our next date and see what happens.

I feel like it’s the universe telling me I have had my lot 😜🤣🤣

It’s hard, and feels like it’s becoming increasingly rare to meet someone who you’re attracted to, matches your energy, has similar values and life aspirations, oh and you’re sexually compatible.

I don’t feel like I’m being picky, I’m leaning into how someone makes me feel. Unfortunately, that isn’t converting when we’re meeting in person, not for me any way.