Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Had a second date tonight. I really like him, we have a great chat, he makes me laugh. Refused to let me pay, I offered several times! He also kissed me once on the lips as he was leaving, but I didn’t feel anything. I’m annoyed that I’m not feeling it at all, he is good looking but I’m not attracted to him enough to want to kiss him. I also think his lack of fitness/working out is a greater consideration than I had anticipated.

Oh dear this doesn't sound great. Do you think you could come round to him on further dates?

Hmm LittleFloatingGhost. Not a total disaster then, a nice time overall, are you going to see him again or is it 'Finished' for you? I'm sorry that it wasn't a better ending.

Ahhhhh I would love to join the WhatsApp group but I'm a really private person (while also being incredibly nosy).

So it's just going to be sharing photos of our respective dating profiles and screenshots of messages for everyone to decipher?

Gosh, it's tempting, maybe I'll be eventually convinced. 😅

Sounds amazing, I'm beyond jealous. This is where I want to get to with Mr FWB. Wild sex (although minus the commitment). I have a lot of body confidence and he inspires even more confidence because he's so complimentary, so it's the perfect foundation for great, inhibition-free sex. 🙏

@LittleFloatingGhost that sounds disappointing, I'm sorry to hear it didn't go as you'd hoped.

@Crushed23 well it's not amazing because he's so passive - we are meeting on Friday now but only because I said to let me know if he fancied doing something again and that gives me doubt and anxiety about whether or not he really likes me. But yes I do hope you get to have lots of sexy fun with Mr FWB

Lol I meant Mr Rave when I wrote Mr FWB. Alas, I don't have a second FWB!

@LittleFloatingGhost what a shame, I had high hopes for you after what you said yesterday about him making you laugh so much. But if you don't feel it, you don't feel it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm up for WhatsApp, I'm aware I'm not a prolific poster but I do catch up and read every day! Just don't always have time to chuck my two penneth in, or maybe it's that I've only just started with this dating stuff. But also probably more responsive on WhatsApp tbf. I'll send a PM 😊

@Crushed23 I knew who you meant, fingers crossed he comes a mr fwb!

Ok so yesterdays 4 matches on bumble

One I unmatched as too far away
One replied to my well thought out message asking a question ‘wow ur sexy’ - unmatched
Two no reply

Three more matches this morning but not holding my breath

Sorry you aren't having much luck, That's how it is for me right now, TwistedWonder. It's not that I don't 'get' the matches, it's that they don't go anywhere.

Also a lot of them i've spoken to before.

Every now & then I get a message on the free site & I think 'I know we've spoken before but it can't have ended badly as I don't have the negative thoughts with his photo/he's not blocked' so I'll chat & then it soon becomes apparent why we stopped chatting before...

@TwistedWonder I'm not getting any matches at all atm! I can barely find anyone I want to swipe right on.

Right ladies I need your advice. I really like Mr Tradie but he is so laid back it's starting to annoy me and I can't tell if he actually likes me.

Green flags:

• emotionally available
• open about his caring responsibilities
• ultimately wants to settle down
• interested in me and my life
• in contact every day
• initiates kissing/sex
• really interesting conversation
• always extends dates by suggesting going to another bar or chatting in the car if everywhere else is shut

Red flags:

• I have had to initiate 4/6 dates
• he is laid back to the extreme - we often don't arrange what we're going to do on the date til the day itself
• a couple of weeks ago he told me he might not be able to give me the positivity and commitment I might expect after 4 dates
• he is not very flirty

Do we think he likes me or not? I am driving myself mad over this

oldernotwiserffs I can't really remember what's been said previously but my gut reaction from reading that list is that he does like you but he's just not one to initiate dates/activities for whatever reason, & that's just 'Who he is', so if things continue then you'd always be the one to initiate & would you be ok with that?

I hope that I'm not way off here

I wouldn't be too worried about the positivity/commitment point, seeing as you know about his caring responsibilities etc.

@oldernotwiserffs I would say he likes you, but not enough. He should want to plan, be excited to take you places (not necessarily fancy or expensive, but places that you can share moments). He likes you, but if you didn’t initiate, would he? My dating coach says if you want to know, do less and find out quicker

@NervesOfCotton thank you, I hope you're right!

@Mountainormolehills I did bring up the fact that it had been me initiating more than him and he said if I hadn't he would have. Maybe it's a personality thing, I am proactive to the extreme whereas he is extremely laid back.

In the past I've been love bombed, with guys wanting to see me asap and take me out anywhere and everywhere. My experience with this one is just so different and it makes me feel anxious because I'm not used to it.

I would hope he's not stringing me along because a couple of weeks ago I did tell him i wouldn't be interested in seeing him again if he didn't see it going anywhere and he still said he wanted to see me again and then asked me out.

Ugh

oldernotwiserffs So difficult! I'm also a 'planner' to a point, & once dated somebody who was a 'Lets just meet when we meet' type but in reality I ended up feeling like you, like I was doing all the running & otherwise would he bother!

@NervesOfCotton it's so unattractive! I get put off when he's like this but then the actual dates are so lovely and we connect so well and I fancy him so much that I get over it and the cycle continues 🤦🏻‍♀️

oldernotwiserffs I hear you! It really does seem like he likes you though, if that helps

I don’t think so, I just know that if I can’t see myself kissing him there’s no point spending more time hoping for that to change. We have been message today, and I let him know that something was missing for me, and he is still sooo lovely.

@OchreHedgehog that was in response to your question, I forgot to quote your message.

It’s finished for me. I need to want to kiss him and I don’t. I just feel a little awkward, unfortunately.

LittleFloatinhGhost Fair enough, onwards & upwards! I'm glad you had some nice dates though

I think I’d match his energy and keep all options over with others.

@LittleFloatingGhost ah it's a shame for you when he seems so nice but if you don't feel it, you don't feel it!

I'm trying to keep my options open with others but it's slim pickings and I'm quite far along with Mr Tradie - coming up to date 6 - so in danger of catching feelings

Thank you.

I am snoozes again on everything. I have one last date on Friday, just coffee, with someone I met on Feeld. Potentially dipping my toe in the FWB pool… But after that (clearly expected very little!) I’m just feeling so disillusion with the whole thing and I’ve only been back online since just before Christmas 🥱